[請益] 懇請英文高手幫我看cover letter and resume

[monkey0524 ()]

Dear Hiring Manager,

Your advertisement for a translator at taipei  has prompted my interest
because my qualification seem to align so closely with your needs, and
believe that my education is appropriate for the position.

After I completed my bachelor of Japanese Literature in June, 2009.I had
served in military as a reserve officer to now. And I expect to discharge
from military in July this year. Although English is not my major, but I have
confidence with English. I also have qualification of computer skills such as
word, excel. Additionally, I’m an active person, who is willing to learn new
things that work needed.

I look forward to have an opportunity to interview with you. My enclosed
resume provides additional detail about my background.
Thank you so much for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,


resume:


Professional Profile
I am an enthusiastic and curious about international affairs, and also like
to reading newspaper, watching news in English or Japanese. Multimedia
environment and video processing is my professional in vocational school, and
I had experienced teamwork during the Japanese debate competition.
Education
Aug 2009 - July 2010 Military service
      Reserve Officer
Sep 2005 – Jun 2009 XX  University
      Japanese Literature Department
Sep 2002 – Jun 2005 XX  Vocational School
      Data Processing department
Tethnical skills
Operating systems:Windows XP,Linux B2D
Applications: Adobe Premiere , Microsoft PowerPoint, Microsoft Word
Microsoft Excel
Pc Hardware: built & maintain
Language: Japanese, JLPT level 1 certificated
            English, moderate
Experience
      Platoon leader in quartermaster company, 2010
      Exhibitor’s interpreter in Food Taipei , 2009.
      Take part in TGSGI translation scholarship , 2009.
      Take part in Japanese debate competition of XXXXX university. 2009.
      Part-time job on domino’s pizza 2006-2007.



小弟第一次用英文寫履歷...
有一個問題 報紙上的advertisement 沒有註明 HR maneger 的名字
那開頭的dear hiring maneger 這樣OK嗎

拜託英文高手幫我檢查一下

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※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) 
◆ From: 220.136.230.156
推 jacqueswu:98-1梯的預官吼~這麼早就要投履歷啦~真不錯!
→ aclgpo:I look forward to having...
→ usread:若是應徵中譯英職位, 可能錯誤多了些
→ monkey0524:冏 錯誤多了點... = =
→ usread:版主表述態力不錯,可惜不時出現一些基本文法錯誤,與表述
→ usread:流暢的能力不平衡,頗為奇怪,也許是太匆忙,或平時研讀時未注
→ usread:基本卻重要的小節,如未加s,時態錯誤,句子半路轉走,無主詞..
→ usread:都屬於應注意卻未注意的基本錯誤,相信你有能力自行更正
→ usread:先把基本硬錯修正,再進一步提昇修辭構句境界及內容妥適性
→ usread:或先從英譯文工作做起,多看好文章當範本,底子打好再中譯英
→ usread:更正:先從英譯中的工作做起
→ monkey0524:多謝指教