[請益] 一段句子是否正確

[DouglasLee (Alkanale)]

寫了一段文字
可是敝人現在正在當兵
怕腦殘了有些錯誤
奢求各位幫忙改正或給點建議,謝謝

It's actually funny that
people asking for something eternal,
but plunge themselves into a slightly space-time;
wishing to have someone
holding their crinkly old hands when the world collapse,
but wouldn't give a lightful care.

It's not about who's right,
but about who's left.

感謝大家

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◆ From: 114.32.120.247
→ priv:lightful means bright... be sure that it's what you mean
→ priv:btw, people asking = people who ask
→ priv:maybe you mean 'people ask'
→ priv:And about lightful, maybe you mean 'slightest'?
→ DouglasLee:對耶 我還真沒發現 謝謝priv!
→ DouglasLee:至於lightful其實我也覺得用得不好,還在想那個對的詞
→ DouglasLee:asking改成ask那下面的wishing也是改回wish囉?
→ priv:分號的用法其實我不熟，看看有沒有別人可以幫你XD
→ DouglasLee:還是相當感謝P大:D
推 iken8782:分號後面 也要完整獨立子句 或是 接conj或transitions