Re: [請益] 英文作文 歡迎評論

[calchong (小寶~)]

Allow me to reformat your original post, and
next time if possible please kindly try to
limit your line to ~60 characters as it would
be difficult to quote >2 times if it were 80
characters which would be the maximum allowed.

See below.
Will be edited later if i have further time

※ 引述《linpinyu (einstein)》之銘言：
:    Last Wednesday, I went to the
: Carrefour Mall to buy a
                        ^ pair of
: trouser. Before trying
  ^ trousers           ^ trying what on?

: on, I was measured the size of waistline.
        ^ you were measured by whom?
                                 ^ whose waistline?
: When finding the size of my
: waistline increased two inches,

This needs to be rewritten.

: I decided to lose my weight.

You decide to lose weight. You don't decide to lose your weight

:   Like most people, I go on a diet and
: do exercise at least thirty minutes.

You prolly want to write this in the past tense

: Besides that, I build a good habit of
: weighing my weight on the scale and
           ^ you weight yourself, not your weight.

: writing my weight in the diary. If I
: find my weight increases too much, I
                 ^ increasing,----^

: would think what foods I eat.

This needs to be rewritten.
Note the logical problem here:
If you want to lose weight, you check your body weight and
think about your diet when it does not go down as you wished.
You don't wait till you have *increasing* weight while
on a diet...


:   The road of losing weight is very long,
    ^ doesn't sound well
: I continue on keeping this good habit.
  ^ you *will* continue on keeping this habit

--
※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc)
◆ From: 218.103.212.27
※ 編輯: calchong        來自: 218.103.212.27       (05/26 01:24)
※ 編輯: calchong        來自: 218.103.212.27       (05/26 01:30)
推 allensua:when I found that my waistline has increased 2 ...
→ allensua:I decide to make a plan for losing my weight
推 allensua:If I find my weight increases too much, I will
推 allensua:The way of losing weight is very tough
→ allensua:請問我改成以上四個句子可以嗎
check your tenses if you want to make it mean that way
your 4th sentence still sound strange

also consider using gerunds...

→ hansi:家樂福需要用冠詞嗎?
推 chenzhishun1:thanks^^ i like this post!!
※ 編輯: calchong        來自: 218.103.212.27       (05/27 11:18)
→ allensua:3Q