[文法] 請問這樣寫可以嗎?

[supernatural (supernatural)]

She accidentally ate a carton of chocolate that your boss
want to give to  his client.
她不小心吃了老闆要給客戶的巧克力.

Her boss is very angry,but he don t know who eat chocolate,
he ordered that his employees work overtime.

她的老闆很生氣 但不知道誰吃了巧克力 所以命令員工加班
請問這兩句這樣寫正確嗎?  有錯的話幫糾正  謝謝


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      ╠═╬═卒═帥═馬═╬═╬═╬═╣
      ║  ║  ║  ║╲║╱║  ║  ║  ║        此時，
      ╠═╬═╬═車═╬═╬═╬═╬═╣        帥有何用？
      ║  ║  ║  ║╱║╲║  ║  ║  ║        有車又如何？
      ╚═╩═╩═╩═╩═╩═╩═╩═╝        有馬子又怎樣？
               幹她媽的，有帥又有車，馬子當然可以當砲打啊！！                   

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→ grandrapid:第一句應該是her boss吧?是你老闆還是她老闆= =?
→ grandrapid:wants 下面應該是who ate chocolates angry句號
→ grandrapid:後面But換下一句
→ grandrapid:wanted好像比較好 下面一開始你用現在式後面order又變
→ grandrapid:過去式,文意有點怪?命令員工加班後還在生氣嗎??
→ alixia:Her boss was very angry. Not knowing who ate the
→ alixia:chocolate, he has everyone working overtime.
→ alixia:she ate the box of chocolate which was meant for the
→ alixia:her boss' client. (拿掉the)
推 sonico:好想比較少看到to V to ... 的句子 (我的經驗啦)
→ sonico:想請問一般寫作會避免這種情形嗎?