建中學生看得出來花很多功夫寫出來這樣洋洋灑灑的一篇。不過我覺得前面
幾段很匠氣，也就是說，語句感覺很像是範本或是網路拼湊起來的。希望是
我的偏見。
: Not until I was in year 11th did I hear about Hong Kong University from my
"grade 11"？
: mom. By the time, I was only a high school student looking forward to
: entering National Taiwan University, but all was different. The more
: information about HKU I received, the stronger my determination to enter the
: university was established. The culture HKU keeps is exactly the one I’m
: dreaming of. And the most important and decisive reason is that: “I want to
: go out.” I want to stay away from my comfort zone, Taiwan. Meeting new
: people, adjusting to a new environment and facing any difficulties I’ve
adapting
: never coped with before have never been an obstacle to my pursuing of dreams.
: And that’s my philosophy, that’s who I am.
: Being a student in the top high school in Taiwan, I was not actually born in
: Taipei. When I was in junior high school, my father kept telling me about
老實說這一句很做作。你就老實說你是建中就好了。老外都碼這樣做的。不必拐彎抹角。
I am a grade 11 student of CK Senior High School, the most prestigious
high school in Taiwan.
: the advantages I could get if I attend Jiaguo High School such as resources
: and competitiveness. Therefore, I set up my mind.
一樣是我個人意見：這兩句也很礙眼。尤其是你進建中的 motivation 竟然是你老爸
叫你進你就進。
: Three years ago, I walked into the school. Three years later, I can’t
: believe I’m leaving. What I’ve learned were beyond my expectations:
: dependence, cooperation and leadership.
"dependence" 在這不知是指啥？
: Clubs are the most important part for a high school student in Taipei. They
課外活動的話，用 extracurricular activities 比較好。"most important" 改成
"an important part ..." 比較合乎實際。
: are not only a place to relax from whole day schooling, but a place to learn.
: Faced with the variety of clubs in CK (what we really call our school), I
Given the wide variety of student clubs offered by our school (actually I
believe CK High School provides the greatest student clubs in terms of the
number, variety and depth among all Taiwanese high schools), I ...
: chose Biology Club eventually. In the second year, I became the microbiology
: and immunology teacher and the executive of activities planning. Winter camp
: is the most important activity in the club, we hosted a six-day camp for the
The winter camp was the most important activity,
where we as the senior students were responsible for
organizing a six-day camp dedicated for our freshman classmantes.
: freshman, and I was elected as the director. Being the director meant entire
: responsibility, and you were not the only one who was working on it.
其實我看不太懂何謂 "you were not the only .... on it".
: Cooperation and communication are the indispensable abilities for not only
: the members but the very leader. And I always told everyone to “argue”,
: because only through argue can one learn others opinions and then blend them
: with his together. When “argue” developed into “fight”, that’s the time
: my work should be done. Though filled with difficulties, the winter camp
: ended up successful. Take a bow, my job was done.
: In the last year, I was selected as the biology school team through a series
: of tests. Later I won the second place of the “Taipei High School Science
: and Information Ability Contest”, and about to join the “Taiwan High School
: Science and Information Ability Contest” in January, 2012. Through all the
: training and contests, I developed a further ability in conducting biology
: experiments and a way of “thinking deeper”.
這後面幾段的語氣，和前面剛開頭的部分很不搭。
The training and skills that I've received through the contests allow
me to develop the qualities required to be a good scientist, such as
persistent curiosity, problem solving and team working abilities.
: As a foreign student, I left my home in Taoyuan and shared a dormitory with
這樣不算 "foreigh student"，我覺得。
: my club mate in the second year. From then on, I had to take care of all
: kinds of house chores like doing the laundry, cleaning the room, and even
: taking out the trash. However, I figured out that when no one is near, you
: are really on your own.
: Despite club activities and school team training, I still managed to keep my
: grades in the first three places in the class, and that was why my parents
: never worried about my school work.
Again, 我不認為一直提到父母有任何加分的效果。
: As for the curriculums I choose are Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of
: Surgery, Bachelor of Business Administration. I know I chose the completely
: different two curriculums. I chose Medicine because of my interest in
看起來你選了三個。不了解為何說 "two curriculums".
I am interested in the Bachelor of Medicine, Bachelor of Surgery, and Bachelor
of Business Administration programs.
: Biology. I chose Business because I believe in my leadership. I don’t care
: whether I am becoming a doctor or a company’s CEO in the future. No one
"I don't care ... " 這一句感覺立論很弱。
: knows what my life will look in the future, nor do I. However, there is one
: thing I’m completely sure: HKU is the best university I want to enter, and I
: think I am meant to be there.
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