[請益] 申請大學的Personal Statement

[daniel0731ex (thePwnER)]

大家好~

小弟今年申請大學，我第一志願的科系要求要填寫各項資料
(如課外活動、工作/志工經驗等等)

和一篇Personal Statement。

要求如下:

What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like
to study at the University of Toronto?
What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that
will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?





以下是我寫好的成品，請各位看看:

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Sensibility. Practicality. Reasoning. Without a doubt, these are invaluable
qualities essential to the problem-solvers in the real world. When faced with
a challenge, an engineer must foresee the limitations and potential
difficulties to devise a practical solution. It is by the ability to predict
and rationalize outcomes of an action that humans were able to overcome the
adversities of circumstance. But there is more to the success of the human
race than the ability to rationalize. Problem-solving alone could not have
made us who we are today.

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one
persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress
depends on the unreasonable man.” – George Bernard Shaw.

High school’s offering is limited. Rather, it provides me the material and
the challenges from which I develop my skills and knowledge. As a student, I
never let anyone tell me how I should think or learn, nor did I allow the
standardized curriculum to dictate my learning. I might have received higher
marks if I simply conform to the standard ways, but I refuse to compromise in
exchange for on-paper performance. You may call it childish or unreasonable,
to pose “unnecessary challenges” unproductive towards academic achievement.
To me, however, this is commitment.

It is a commitment to excellence, commitment towards lifelong learning, and
commitment to offer the best of myself to the world. I am preparing myself to
become one of those whose “unreasonableness” has allowed the human race to
evolve as a whole – creators. I am unreasonable, and this is my inspiration.
To become an innovator, not merely a “problem solving engineer”.

To pursue my inspiration, I am committed to learning even in my
extra-curricular activities. Music taught me how to give shape to imagination
through goal setting and careful preparation. Through competitive
speed-cubing, I learned to deal with frustration and examine my own
weaknesses. My experience with robotics enabled me to take failure in stride
and grow out of my error. No matter what I do, I strive to make the best of
any learning opportunity.

Like a child, I yearn to “grow up” quickly but struggles with my own
method. Commitment, intuitiveness, risk-taking, decision-making; despite my
effort to develop these discipline, my growth is still limited by my
environment. Luckily for me, I now have the opportunity to change that
environment – to join UofT Engineering. As a world-class faculty, it is home
to many “unreasonable” innovators, thus it must offer what is needed to
fuel my ambition. I hope that through the challenges UofT Engineering
provides, I will learn to coordinate my skills, interests, and knowledge for
the betterment of myself, and grow from an ambitious child to a man with the
best of himself to offer the world. I will drive forward our evolution with
all that I can offer.
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推 alexinusa:我會把名言移到第一段,文章內加入一個小故事讓文章更生
→ alexinusa:動(或加入更具體且可以幫你加分的例子 - 如 "my expe-
→ alexinusa:rience as the robitics team leader"),可是整體來講這
→ alexinusa:篇(除了一些文法跟用詞可以小改以外)寫得很不錯!
→ alexinusa:又細讀了一次，感覺你太多fragments了。有時候fragments
→ alexinusa:是creative writing,可是你的一些地方可以改成完整句子
→ alexinusa:讓文章看起來比較不careless.有問題再跟我說吧!我幫高中
→ alexinusa:生申請美國學校已經好幾年了,希望這些有幫助:) -Alex
→ daniel0731ex:Thanks! I'll take a look at it again :)