[請益] Cover letter 內容修改

[wifemonkey (猴子婆)]

大家好
小妹想應徵外國公司的業務專員.
以下是我的求職信.是否可以請大家幫我看一下.
謝謝你們^+^

Dear Ms. Lee,



Your advertisement in 104 for an account sales specialist prompted me to
apply for this position.



After I graduated from National Chung Hsing University with a Bechelor of
Chemistry three years ago.  I'd worked at family's company as an accounting
assistant for one year. And then, I'd worked at Merck Ltd.．Taiwan as a
customer care specialist. In addiion, I'm a proactive person, who is ready to
learn anything will be needed.



I don't feel that I should set my own salary, as I am pleased enough to have
the privilege of working for you. However, I would consider a month
satisfactory compensation for my apprenticeship.



May I have the opportunity to discuss this matter further with you? I have
enclosed my resume for more details about my background. Thank you very much.





Sincerely,


有沒有哪裡需要修改的,請指導XDDD 謝謝~

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◆ From: 175.180.112.173
※ 編輯: wifemonkey      來自: 175.180.112.173      (06/21 10:45)
※ 編輯: wifemonkey      來自: 175.180.112.173      (06/21 10:46)
推 monkeywife:倒數第五句 I don't think
→ monkeywife:倒數第六行 anything needed
→ monkeywife:第三行 把after去掉
→ monkeywife:關於你自己個性的描述太少 你只寫了一句介紹你自己
→ monkeywife:的性格 主管看完大概也不了解你試怎樣的人
推 balloon:完全不曉得你到底學到什麼，只有流水帳的經歷敘述
→ wifemonkey:謝謝大家的指導^+^ 經過你們的修改 我好像漏了好多東西