推 balloon:拜服h大啊…句子寫的真美 O_Q 01/29 04:22
→ lion1227:求助原PO連中文標題都錯..................... 01/29 14:24
推 dogsdogs:阿.....對不起沒注意到QQ 01/29 18:32
: I come from a very happy nuclear family.
: Before 6 years old,I grew up in the 台中 with my grandmother because my
: family is Two-income household
: 台中 is a small city and most people there are farmer.
: I really like this town,people there are always friendly.
: I am the second child in my family, My mother always tell me that I am very
: independent and friendly.
: Throughout my academic years , I study in night school.
文章很長，前面也有網友指出問題實在不少。如果原po是認真想要應徵空服員，
建議還是花錢找人修改一下。
我只有力氣舉一個例子。你看這一句:
「Throughout my academic years , I study in night school.」
這一句前文是什麼？前文說「我媽怎樣怎樣...」。後文是 「我曾在百貨公司打工」。
前後文和「我都讀夜校」的關連性很弱。
很明顯，你強調「讀夜校」，大概想讓人知道你有奮發向上，主動向學的精神。但
文章裡卻看不出來。老是讓讀者自行補足絕不是好辦法。
更別提 「Throughout ... night school」這句話才九個字。時態也
不正確。簡直是國中生造的句子：「This is a book. I have three apples.」
舉例：
In today's Taiwan, most people in my age are privileged enough to have
full financial support to complete the tertiary education.
However, coming from a family with low socioeconomic status,
I had no choice but have to pursue my entire education on
a part-time basis.
開頭先接前句你對家庭的描述，再把自己塑造成很悲情的小人物。然後講到自己
為了求學，只好半工半讀。正好接下去你打工的故事。
: I have a part time job in office and department store.
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