Re: [請益] 短英語演講稿 文法勘誤求助

[tengharold (RoadMan_A)]

※ 引述《joanne770429 (trivia)》之銘言：
: 這是我的自我介紹英語演講稿(4MINS)，非營利用XD
: 個人的文法常常出錯，因此出醜>"<
: 有人願意協助看看哪裡需改善嗎？感恩！
: Water (水)

: Good evening, I'm Joanne. When I was a child, just like the whole world’s
                                                ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
: kids can’t be exception, my mom asked me that cliché question—what do you
  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^        ^once          cliched
  生硬                                           [打不出 accnt-e]
: want to be in the future. I said “I want to be a president”. Later I grown
             when you grow up.                    president.     Now that I
: up and gradually know more about the social reality and myself, if now my mom
  am grown up and understand myself and society better, if my mom
: ask me this question, I’ll say I want to be like the water.
  asks...             ^now,                         water.

: I know that’s an odd answer, rather than explain it I try to show you a
                               ^so                     I'd like to show it.
: performance. What’s the shape of the water now holding in my hand? Bottle.
                                              I'm now...              It's
shaped like the bottle. But...
: But if I pour in to a jar like this. The shape changed instantly. On the way
                it into a            , the water's shape changes instantly.
: of pursuing my self in these 26 yrs, I found I’m interested in a lot of
I've been searching for myself over the past 26 years, and I discovered...
: areas, and, just like the water, I never hesitate to change my “shape”, I
                        water, I'd never...                              ; I'm
: always willing to try.
                       ^ [try what?]
: Such as..Even I was study in Foreign Language, I took information
           While I was studying in the Foreign Language department, I
: communication as my minor. I ever joined an international student
minored in information communication. I even...
: organization, where I learned how to be a coordinator or leader, to lead issue
                                leadership and coordination skills, and how to
: based activities. My water characteristic is much more obvious on my
lead issue-based...                                      obviously illustrated
: overseas travelling passion, I went China, Indonesia and Sri lanka for
by my passion in traveling abroad. I've been to...                  , for
: longest 2 months, I found I’m able to accommodate with different country
as long as two months. I found that I'm able to adapt to different countries...
: well, and I really love to appreciate the beauty of their
                          and
: culture/religion/food.
  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 這要怎麼念 XD，culture slash religion slash food 嗎

: Spiritually to say, I’m also water-like. Philosopher Lao tzu said: ”The
             , I'm ...
: best of men is like water; water benefits all things and does not compete
  best men 還是 best of men
: with them”. It means for its physical characteristic its simple and clear,
               Physically, water is simple...
: and always stay lower humbly, but when it gathers, it can be the rain, the
                  low.                                      become
: river, in the end even the sea, contains and fairly feeds all creatures.
         and even...              holding and feeding all creatures fairly.
: That’s just what I do or I want to be in my life. I love listen and help
  This is what I do and what I want to be.                  listening to and
: others, normally I used to stay quiet but meanwhile I keep storing up myself
 helping others, usually I stay quiet but I am building my strength
: to become a better person, and when the time for me is coming, I’ll ready to
                                               is right, I'll be ready to
: spout like water to devote myself to this world.
                   and benefit the world.
: 謝謝大家～

--
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet, You're a slave to money then you die
        -Bittersweet Symphony, The Verve


--
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※ 編輯: tengharold (68.8.69.141), 08/13/2014 13:07:39
→ kaifrankwind: The best of men沒錯喔 google看看
推 joanne770429: 謝謝您！第一個錯誤點改成 just like there’s no
→ joanne770429: kids of the whole world is exception..有比較好嗎
→ tengharold: best men =  最好的人
→ tengharold: best of men = 最好的人 或
→ tengharold: best [qualities] of men = 人最好的部分
→ tengharold: 更正 best [part(s)] of men
→ tengharold: 所以要請 joanne 釐清
→ tengharold: joanne 妳第一個錯誤點想說什麼
→ kaifrankwind: The best of men is like water這譯句已經廣為流傳
推 joanne770429: 想說的是 "像世上沒有小孩是例外一樣地.."
→ kaifrankwind: 的樣子...不過可用其它譯法來避免這句就是了
→ kaifrankwind: 啊...你的意思是不是 (你)不是例外 跟世上其他小孩
推 joanne770429: 也許我簡單改成"just like maybe all the kids of
→ kaifrankwind: 一樣都會被媽媽問那問題?
→ joanne770429: the world"(就像世上所有小孩一樣)
→ joanne770429: 是的Ｋ大！我是那個意思沒錯～
→ kaifrankwind: 我會把那句去掉 然後後面my mom, like every other
→ kaifrankwind: mom in the world, asked me...
推 joanne770429: 好的，感謝感謝:)！
→ tengharold: "the best of men" 已經是流傳的譯句了。。。我沒查
推 ckmeat: 原cliche沒錯啊 法語外來語 老生常談
→ kaifrankwind: 做形容詞+d
→ tengharold: cliche 已被引進英文，依英語規則要加 ed