→ wnwangster:...... 03/21 14:01
推 Trion:Mmmm,thanks for your critics. I do appreciate your time. 03/21 16:24
I'm good at Eng writing, not even about poetry.
However, I give some comments to stimulate ideas.
※ 引述《Trion (Trion)》之銘言：
: Hi all,
: One more time, we see again. This time I would like to
: translate poem that illustrates one of the most popular
: character in pili puppet show, 葉小釵。
: Sorry for typing its Chinese name instead of its English
: name, Scar, that was used in the English version of pili
: puppet show named "爭王記", or "The tale of Wulin Warriors"
: for I really hate the name although it somehow truely shows
: what it meant in Chinese but actually lost some flavors after
: dubbed and translated.
: Anyway, cast it aside my personal feelings toward this name
: translation and let's get to the point.
: Below is my poem translation and see if any feedback will be
: thrown. Any critics or comment is greatly appreciated. Thanks.
: Oh, one more thing. I seperated this poem into two parts for
: originally they should be two independant poems instead of one.
: original poem:
: 征衣紅塵化雲煙 江湖落拓不知年
: 劍痴刀狂世紛云 今將衣缽卸雙肩
: 踏盡千山無人識 當初枉受盛名牽
: 東風吹醒英雄夢 笑對青山萬重天
: Translated poem:
: Vapor into sky
: my armour and fight
: I wander in the wild
: without goal and guide
: Where am I
: and when is time ?
Should it be "What is the time?"
: Paranoid me they call
: Wild as I be known
: with my blade and sword.
I can't read this one.
Is the original sentence:
"People say I'm sword-minded and exercise wildly."
: Till now I relieve my load
: off the shoulder I bore
: Carry it no more.
Drop till. It has meaning about continuing.
Now I relieve the loads from my shoulders.
"Carry it no more." sounds redundant.
However, 今將衣缽卸雙肩 踏盡千山無人識 is better to expressed by
From now on, I won't worry about living affairs.
And I will go over mountains to a place where nobody recognize me.
Sorry, I quit. It's so time-wasting:P
: Over the thousand around
: endless mountain I have gone.
: People recognize me none.
: Alas, for whatever I gained,
: it's all driven for fame,
: misguided by name.
: Winds blow my way,
: rise to awake,
: my pursue for fame,
: for heroes have no name.
: Therefore I am,
: waken from fame,
: smile and tame,
: To the mountain in the horizon.
: Original poem:
: 愛落紅塵心已死 持刀抱劍了一生
: My love is no more
: in this mundane world .
: Therefore I can only hold
: my blade and sword
: till the end of my world.
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