[討論] Theo可以跟WWE學的

[IronChef (Schadenfreude)]

警告: 有新哽, 老哽, 爛哽, 跟沒品哽, 不爽不要看. 不要看完叫大家尊重你.


http://whiterthanrice.blogspot.com/2007/09/theo-epstein-needs-to-get-some-attitude.html

Hey, I'd never ever want Vince McMahon running the Sox, because we'd end up
with stupid plotlines like Larry Lucchino faking his own death by blowing up
his limo, or allowing things like Jonathan Papelbon taking a dump in Hazel
Mae's gym bag, but they call the WWE "Sports Entertainment" for a reason.
Because it's damn entertaining.

我永遠不想看到Vince McMahon來經營紅襪對，因為最後一定會有一堆爛劇情像Larry
Lucchino把自己的禮車炸掉, 或放縱球員到Jonathan Papelbon可以在Hazel Mae的包包
裡拉拋屎, 但是我們叫WWE "體育娛樂"有原因的, 因為娛樂性實在是太讚了.


ideas/Changes:

1) Vince McMahon would never take this sub .400 SLG bullshit from JD Drew.
Vince McMahon would walk down to the dressing room and inject JD himself.

Vince McMahon絕對不會讓JD Drew有維持他的爛低於400長打率. Vince McMahon
會親自去休息室把JD Drew打藥

2) The whole NESN team fired and replaced with the WWE team. Lillian Garcia
is about 20 times hotter than Tina Cervasio, so there's no reason that
shouldn't happen. Orsillo is a rambling fool, and JR has a Texas Accent, so
Jim Ross wins by default. Jerry the King Lawler I think molested a 15 year
old once, so sorry, Remdawg is gone.

NESN的轉播團隊可以走路了, WWE的轉播團隊取代他們. Lillian Garcia比Tina Cervacio
正差不多20倍，所以說這沒有理由不做. Don Orsillo是個愛歲歲念的白痴, JR有個
德州腔, 所以JR自動保送. Jerry "the King" Lawler好像有姓侵害過個15歲小朋友，所
以不好意思, Remdawg你可以找新工作了.

Can you imagine the goodness:
來個範例:

"BY GAWD!!! PEDROIA!!! PEDROIA!!! PEDROIA!!! HE JUST SINGLED THROUGH
BRIMSTONE AND HELLFIRE TO GIVE THE RED SOX THE LEAD!!! I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I
JUST SAW!! HE DESTROYED THAT BALL UP THE MIDDLE AS IF GOD HIMSELF CAME DOWN
AND SMITED THE TESTICLES OF LUCIFER HIMSELF!!!"

天啊!!! PEDROI!!! PEDROIA!!! PEDROIA!!! 他把球打穿越了地獄之火!!!紅襪領先了!!
我無法相信我眼前的事情!!! 他把球打的像上帝從天堂下來打惡魔的懶趴一樣!!!

3) Apparently tonight on Raw, Randy Orton fought JOHN CENA'S DAD (you're
reading that correctly) with John Cena handcuffed to the ring. And Orton
RKO'ed his dad. Maybe Theo can get a roid-raged Giambi to fight Mike Timlin
in a cage.The age difference is probably similar and it would be awesome to
watch.

今天晚上Randy Orton打了John Cena的老爸, John Cena被綁在場外. 然後John cena
的老爸被Orton RKO. 搞不好Theo可以把Giambi跟Mike Timlin放在個籠子裡. 結果
差不多吧

4) Francona would be fired.

Francona會被火調


Gimmicks/Plotlines:
新賣點/劇情

1) Kevin Youkilis as the Kosher Killer. Gabe Kapler would be his sidekick
friend.

Kevin Youkilis是"猶太殺手", Gabe Kapler是他的小弟

2) Dustin Pedroia as the Godfather. He needs to come out to every AB with
like 5 Hoes. All of them should be taller than he is, and the Fenway speakers
should play 80's porno music.

Dustin Pedroia是"神父". (駐: 在WWE裡"The Godfather"是個皮條客). 他每次出來
打擊都要帶5個妹出來，那5個妹都會比他高，而且Fenway的喇叭會放80年代的A片音樂

After the games, he'd visit the NESN news booth and slap Hazel Mae in the ass
and ask her to perform sexual favours on air. She'd agree and enjoy it. I
know I would.

比賽結束以後他會去NESN的錄影室, 拍Hazel Mae的屁股, 然後叫他在電視上讓他爽.
然後Hazel Mae會同意. 我知道我會.

3) Julio Lugo as the Mexican Dream. Of course, when the dream is shattered,
he drinks a bottle of tequila and puts his wife through a table.

Julio Lugo是"墨西哥的美夢". 當然，當美夢被打破以後，他會喝一瓶Tequila然後
把他老婆摔進一張桌子裡

4) Jacoby vs. Joba: Loser Goes Back to the Reservation Match. There's some
tribal feud over sacred burial grounds, and Kyle Lohse is the special guest
referee. But they end up finding out Kyle Lohse was the guy who betrayed
their tribes to the White Man by polluting their ancestral lands for a 30 mil
4 yer a contract with the Atlanta Braves, so they tag-team together and beat
up Kyle Lohse with whiskey bottles and smallpox syringes.

Jacoby vs. Joba: 輸的人回印地安人保留區. 兩個族群因為神聖的葬地鬧起來,
然後Kyle Lohse是特別裁判. 但是後來發現Kyle Lohse背叛了兩個族群, 用了一個4年
30m的代價出賣了兩個族群，讓白人污染印地安人的地. 被抓包以後，兩個人把Kyle
Lohse用威師機瓶子跟天花病毒打爛他.

Seriously, the top 3 causes of the Native American Man's Fall: 1) Whiskey 2)
Smallpox 3) Kyle Lohse. That man alone basically set his entire people back
10 years.

說真的, 歷使北美印地安人三個最大問題: 1) 酗酒 2) 天花 3) Kyle Lohse

5) Jonathan Papelbon as Kane. He should burn off his eyebrows, and instead of
entering to "Wild Thing", he should enter to the Kane theme song, Fenway
should go dark, and there should be fire everywhere.

Jonathan Papelbon是Kane. 他應該把他的眉毛燒掉, 然後他的音樂變成Kane的主題曲.
Fenway的燈會官掉, 然後球場要裝噴火器

6) Giambi and Sheffield while on roid rage with Hideki Matsui's help kidnap
Okajima and Matsuzaka's wives, threaten to turn them into Japanese Porn Stars
and put them through tables. But they tag team with Mike Lowell to rescue
them.

Giambi跟Sheffield吃藥完抓狂, 然後他們用了松井秀洗的幫忙綁架了松版跟天天岡的
老婆. 然後威脅把他們摔進桌子裡跟把他們抓去演A片. 但是松版跟天天岡找Mike Lowell
的幫忙就回他們

7) Manny and Tavarez as a pirate tag-team.

Manny跟大寶是個海盜的tag-team

8) Ortiz should drive a limo and run over Clemens and say he "did it for
Manny". I don't really care what he did it for, somebody should be running
over Clemens anyway.

Ortiz開台禮車然後撞Roger Clemens, 然後說他"為了Manny而做的". 我懶個管他幹嘛做
這件事，Clemens本來就應該被車撞.

9) Eric Gagne turns heel, chairshots Papelbon, rips off his Red Sox jersey,
reveals a Baltimore Orioles jersey, and joins Eric Bedard and Justin Morneau
as the Canadian Legion of Doom.

Eric Gagne變成壞人, 拿椅子打Papelbon, 把紅襪球衣拖吊，底下穿著金鳥的球衣, 然後
跟Bedard跟Morneau組成加拿大的恐怖部隊

10) The 0-VORP Squad: Dougie, Hinske, Cora, and Snyder. Singles are for
pussies.

這不用翻了吧

11) There Should be a Rival Faction called the "Radical Leftists" consisting
of Johan Santana, Scott Kazmir, CC Sabathia, Mark Buerhle, Andy Pettite, Eric
Bedard, Chad Gaudin, and Ted Lilly. They dominate the Sox all the time, but
then Mike Myers would turn face and come to the Red Sox rescue.

紅襪隊有個天敵, 他們叫做"積進左派". 他們的成員有Santana, Kazmir, Sabathia,
Buehrle, Pettite, Bedard, Gaduin, 跟 Lilly. 他們每次都把紅襪打爛，但是偶爾
Mike Myers會禿然出來捅他們一刀幫紅襪贏球.

There should also be a sideplot with Javier Lopez wanting to join the
leftists and getting rejected because he stinks. The Leftists also try to
recruit Okajima, but he turns them down because he cannot betray his reverse
platoon splits.

還會有一段插曲, Javier Lopez講加入這團，但是因為他太鳥了，他被拒絕.

12) The Main Event Venue: Evolution with Curt Schilling, Josh Beckett, and
Clay Buccholz.

最大排的event: Evolution, Curt Schilling是老大, Josh Beckett是中生代, 然後
新人是Clay Buccholz

Clay's finishing move would be smashing a laptop over somebody's head and his
catchphrase would be "I STOLE IT FROM POSADA'S SON!!!!"

Clay的大絕招是把筆電砸在人家的頭上.

然後他會大喊 "筆電是我是偷Posada兒子偷來的!!!!"



--
※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc)
◆ From: 140.112.212.196
※ 編輯: IronChef        來自: 140.112.212.196      (09/18 15:45)
推 DoMoe:超低級的爆點，不過也超好笑的
推 Carmelo3:Lillian Garcia太老了  失敗
推 Kej:不過球場的燈關掉然後噴火這個好像不錯耶 XD
推 bj26bj:那個噴火草皮會燒起來
噓 Uchiha:該吃藥了
推 roverchi:沒看WWE所以不懂笑點～尷尬幫補血～
推 Carmelo3:鐵廚晚點開個藥給專業5F
推 bj26bj:五樓該吃什麼藥呢
推 steed:腦O沒藥醫   不用吃藥
推 MER:吃治療失憶症的藥吧...
推 A8804064:五樓本日最中肯 的確該給五樓吃藥
推 jsoccer:這篇太好笑了XDXD
→ jsoccer:我還真的去照唸PEDROIA打惡魔的懶趴那段..
推 hu6111:五樓真人才，翻譯文章也能囉唆
推 jason0921:POSADA兒子是罕見病患  這.....
推 takako921:糟糕我笑了..不知該高興還是難過XD
推 TsukimiyaAyu:這是鐵廚翻譯朴東尼的文章XDDDDD
→ bj26bj:這是翻譯文章不是嗎XD
推 asahi1109:我蠻想看到這篇文章成真的耶^^"
→ asahi1109:鐵廚大 這次爆點很大喔XD
推 HoJinChang:Turn Matsu and Okajina's wife into
→ HoJinChang:pornstar, I like that though XDD
推 alexfun:鄉民[噓]:不要半中文半英文,會看不懂(怒)
噓 A8804064:請尊重小齁黑<------正確範本？
推 IronChef:我個人覺得印地安人那個最沒品
→ IronChef:但是WWE這幾年超多種族歧視的劇情
→ IronChef:那個綁架日本女性真的有這個耿
推 alexfun:喬治克隆尼那段是瞞天過海第幾集的劇情??
→ IronChef:???我沒提George Clooney
→ alexfun:可是Mike Lowell那個不是這意思喔?@@"
推 TsukimiyaAyu:你還沒提，Lugo沒去芬威，結果發現
→ TsukimiyaAyu:他回家掛了自己家人後自殺。
→ TsukimiyaAyu:幹我超愛班瓦!!
推 IronChef:那個耿已經被我用爛了, 換個新的
→ IronChef:我發現我都是老哽
→ IronChef:什麼Millar, 偉大大韓民族救援投手,
→ IronChef:Hillenbrand, 開飛機撞大樓...換點新的
→ IronChef:我前斷時間被鄉民罵說都是提吶幾件事
→ IronChef:發現自己最近都沒有新耿，太不上進了
推 TsukimiyaAyu:hahaha活了3小時了這篇
→ TsukimiyaAyu:幹WWE愈來愈難看
推 timothytw:輸的人回印第安保留區
→ TsukimiyaAyu:姜希南好像又贏了，幹他是韓國人
推 IronChef:今天晚上超讚的, 姜吸納老爹都出來了
推 myass:haha 好久沒看WWE了
推 maxspeed150:怎麼會漏了Chacin???
推 A8804064:Chacin是盲胞協會成員嗎.....
推 maxspeed150:Chacin是激進左派的人阿
推 IronChef:那真的是姜先生還是只是演員啊
推 kikory:姜熙娜她爸被揍不是好久以前的劇情？
推 IronChef:今天好不好，他老爹被RKO
推 Jimmy74:GODFATHER那邊很好笑..以前有在看WWF
→ Jimmy74:當時還叫WWF  XDD
推 pekonbon:GODFATHER帶的妹 羅賓都會講的很爽
推 Liandh:羅賓應該會想跳槽來當主播:x
→ timothytw:羅賓轉播F1跟WWF都很會爽
→ fanecerce:推第4點  XDXDXD
推 greeceking:Papelbon跟Kane好像 哈
推 IronChef:還沒人來需? 我的功力減退了，唉
推 mjhsieh:東妮兄的翻譯不錯啊，幹嘛噓？偏不噓。
推 kikory:那英文也是他寫的...沒有翻譯好不好的問題
→ DoMoe:噗噗，原來有人覺得是翻譯 XD
推 ltk99:姜熙娜輸掉腰帶前我都不看wwe