Re: [請益] 不好意思請大家評我的英文作文

[yo841204 (yo841204)]

我最近要考中高所以也寫寫看這個題目，
不過我的體裁比較像議論文因為感覺中高的題目都偏批判性強的主題，
所以運動這篇我就用比較不同的嘗試lol

裡面應該有頗多錯吧我猜，還請各位大大指點

        There is no denying the fact that exercise is beneficial to our health and our interpersonal relationships. The reasons for my taking this perspective are as follows.
        First, there are versatile sports that some prefer to have keen activities such as basketball while others have a bias in favor of jogging. Researches reveal that jogging can enhance the strength of our vessels, stimulating our circulation simultaneously. Furthermore, for one thing, people can be immersed in the sport, liberating their tangled mind. For another thing, they are fairly easy to broaden their social circle by dedicating to this advantageous exercise. Obviously, people tend to
gather together due to familiar hobbies, thus being acquainted with others.
        In a nutshell, a habit of exercising on a regular basis is indispensable to our life. To be more
specific, as sunshine is to flower, so is sport to our health. By no means can we aggrandize the significance of these wholesome activities. Only when we are desperate to exercise as quenching thirst can we lead a more fulfilling life.


我覺得結尾是太誇張了啦不過我沒梗了 囧

手機排版比較差請見諒


※
引述《crusher1002
(Allison)》之銘言：
: 手機排版，請多多包涵。
: 希望大家可以給我一些建議，謝謝你們。
: 題目是運動
:    Jogging is my favorite way of exercising. I usually go jogging at a playground of an elementary school near my home after I have studied all day long. All I need to do the sport are a pair of jogging shoes, a mp3 player, and, the most indispensable one, a sunny day.
:    Jogging is the most ideal way of exercising to me, because it doesn't require anything but my legs. Moreover, I can go jogging at any time as long as I want. Everytime after jogging, I get refreshed and feel more energetic. I think jogging has made me feel better about myself and helped me be in good shape. I can't count a day complete unless I'be jogged for at least 30 minutes.
: 辛苦大家看到這邊，麻煩你們了，謝謝!!!

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◆ From: 42.72.43.100
推 Alcardia:感覺有蠻多中式英文，搞懂單字的用法在用出來吧，不要意
→ Alcardia:思對了就套進去用
推 swospam0418:看不太懂為何運動是增強「血管」而非肌肉
→ swospam0418:且語氣的拿捏有點奇怪，好像太過誇飾運動的重要性了
→ yo841204:A大可以跟我說哦一下哪裡嗎@@  S大其實我後來也覺得怪怪
推 Alcardia:我回錯篇了＝＝ 你寫的感覺還不錯，感覺可以挑剔的地方
→ Alcardia:就只有vessel 跟末段的語氣太強