Re: [寫作班] 托福第32週 jarlinlove 1

[excrement (the essence of love)]

the organization is improved with a clear intro and reasoning.

The most serious problem in this essay, in my view, is the introduction
and the conclusion.

You use most of the introduction to describe that a zoo has a useful purpose,
but then in the end your argument is a zoo is not useful. The introduction
makes readers confused about which side you are taking. If you want to
say that a zoo should not exist, then stick to that argument. You don't
need to say both are good. And that applies to the conclusion.

For the third reason you say that a zoo is often in the city not in the
countryside and people faraway can not visit...I don't find it persuasive.
For many other countries zoos are in the countryside; in addition, why people
faraway cannot vist those zoos? Maybe you want to say that the entrance fee
is usually so high so as to exclude the poor?



※ 引述《jarlinlove (永夜角聲悲自語)》之銘言：
: 1. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A zoo has no
:    useful purpose.
: ==========================================================
:      Gathering species of animals, especially the rare ones from all over the
: world, in a space for the public to appreciate is the main use of a zoo.
: Antarctic King Penguins, Australian koalas, and the recent China pandas are
: welcome guests in a zoo for people to view. Therefore, a zoo definitely has
: useful purpose, which is not useful enough in my opinion.
:      First of all, establishing a zoo is very costly for the government. Due
: to the various kinds of animals, such as nocturnal animals, carnivorous
: animals and polar animals, we need many facilities to imitate their original
: habitats. However, one specific living space is usually only suitable for a
: few animals.
:      Secondly, migrating animals from their hometowns to new environments
: will sometimes do harm to them. Regardless of the mock equipment, some
: animals still find it hard to accommodate themselves to it and die in the
: end. The intention to exhibit scarce creatures turns out to make them
: disappear.
:      Thirdly, a zoo is mostly located in the city. For those who live in the
: countryside, they have fewer chances to view the animals. With the purpose to
: broaden the horizons of people by displaying different animals, a zoo still
: cannot benefit every one. As above mentioned, I think a zoo truly has a
: useful purpose, but it is still not useful enough.

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◆ From: 128.205.231.174
※ 編輯: excrement       來自: 128.205.231.174      (03/26 22:43)
推 jarlinlove:Thank you very much! For my view, I just want to
→ jarlinlove:say that a zoo doesn't have no useful purpose
→ jarlinlove:but it's useful purpose is not so useful.
→ jarlinlove:and the third reason..I admit it's not pursuasive:(