Re: [英中] 求詩中翻英

[spacedunce5 (讀不完的書)]

※ 引述《cat1442 (豸苗)》之銘言：
把你的影子加點鹽
醃起來
風乾

老的時候
下酒


I take your shadow and add some salt
to preserve it
winddried

and when I'm old
partake with wine.




請各位鞭小力一點。^^

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defenestrate

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◆ From: 122.124.101.2
→ usread:imperative mood?
Well, there is no visible subject . . . and it's shorter this way.
→ usread:下威士忌或高梁似乎比較合 :-)
But then it wouldn't (half-)rhyme with "winddried."
推 l10nel:No such use for "partake". How about: and when I'm old/
→ l10nel:it goes (well) with wine OR it complements wine
→ l10nel:or, change "it" to "it'll" to add a tad of modality:
To me, this poem is too serious for contractions that don't conserve a
syllable; as for "partake," again, it's shorter and thus has more power (it's
also more concrete). Oh, you mean the colllocation! Well, partake is
intransitive . . . and has connotations of eating . . . so I guess it's okay?
※ 編輯: spacedunce5     來自: 122.124.101.26       (11/06 11:44)
→ usread:中文「隱主詞」可你可我,但英文現簡式讀起來總覺得是you~~
這麼一說的確兩半主詞不一……。
※ 編輯: spacedunce5     來自: 122.124.101.26       (11/06 11:54)
推 MariaChen:新詩不用押韻，每行首可大寫（即使接前句），最後一句可
→ MariaChen:參考「To take with wine」。
→ MariaChen:二樓：說不定夏宇想喝小/米酒遙想舊友…。
→ usread:不過原詩押了韻。嗯中國人喝酒下酒通常不是葡萄水果發酵酒
→ usread:I'll?
→ usread:或 I'd (would)?
推 MariaChen:啊…米酒是應時事亂湊。此詩短而幽默，沒那麼嚴肅啦。
→ spacedunce5:原文已經改成現在式囉～ @MariaChen to 這裡不合文法
推 l10nel:partake問題不在搭配，而在意思，人+partake of+食物
→ l10nel:幾個人一起分享、享受食物，但partake with意思我就不懂了
→ l10nel:partake with wine的主詞是什麽？還是祈使句？
→ usread:葡萄酒vs.烈酒下影子吃,意味差很多.wine在英文語境裡就是葡
→ usread:萄酒,和蒸餾酒很不同的.「酒趣」截然不同吧
→ spacedunce5:@l10nel partake + with wine, 主詞是第一段的 I
推 l10nel:了解了，所以是 I partake of it with wine 但of it是明顯
→ l10nel:含義故省略（何況在詩裡），或partake作vi.也通:)
推 l10nel:最後兩行：And when I'm old/with wine it goes.