[ＸＤ] 國外法院發生過的真實盤問//對話 (英文)

[FoBenJa (FoBenJa)]

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
people actually said in court, word  for word, taken down and now published
by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
were actually  taking place.



ATTORNEY:   Are you sexually active?
WITNESS:      No, I just lie there.
________________________________

ATTORNEY:   What is your date of birth?
WITNESS:      July 18th.
ATTORNEY:   What year?
WITNESS:       Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:   What gear were you in at the moment your car struck the other
vehicle?
WITNESS:      Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:    This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS:        Yes.
ATTORNEY:    And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:        I forget.
ATTORNEY:    You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:    How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS:       Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY:    How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS:       Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:   What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS:      He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?
WITNESS:     My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in  his sleep,
he doesn't  know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:      Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY:   The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS:      Uh, he's twenty-one.

________________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:      Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:    So the date of conception (of the baby) was August  8th?
WITNESS:       Yes.
ATTORNEY:    And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:       Duh.............
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:     She had three children, right?
WITNESS:         Yes.
ATTORNEY:     How many were boys?
WITNESS:        None.
ATTORNEY:     Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:    How was your first marriage   terminated?
WITNESS:       By   death.
ATTORNEY:   And by whose death was it   terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:      He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY:   Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:    Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS:       No, this is how I dress when I go to   work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:    Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS:       All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:    ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:       Oral.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:     Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:        The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY:     And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:        No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:    Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:       Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY:    Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS:       No.
ATTORNEY:    Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:        No.
ATTORNEY:    Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:        No.
ATTORNEY:    So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS:        No.
ATTORNEY:    How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:       Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY:    But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS:      Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

--
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◆ From: 218.168.68.229
推 t12304:我走錯版了嗎....
推 threee:有人可以翻譯一下嗎..
推 Moskau:閱讀測驗板??
推 upyours2:最後一個好笑
推 yoyorock:最後一個讚XD 前面有幾個也不錯...
推 BeBee:哈哈哈 好笑                          (這時候要裝看的懂)
推 erilinda:腦殘XDDD oral那個也不錯
推 bejou:還不錯笑
→ thatzforeva:好好笑唷   <=裝懂抬身價
推 daniellee:每個真的都頗好笑
推 ephesians:歹灣應該沒這樣的法官吧
推 zunreada:XDDD(這時候一定要裝懂)
推 HOYA0071:哇~超好笑的                       (DOCTOR是什麼?)
推 w211486:最後一個超屌
推 Asucks:最後一個太諷刺了，oral和對死人驗屍也讓我大笑
推 Leeng:FoBenJa是什麼意思
→ Alip:                                       doctor是醫生@@
推 Mariness:我只能說律師超腦殘= =
推 s110220:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDdddddddddd
推 timke:我就老實承認我看不懂(看得懂也懶得翻…)
推 nobrain5566:XDDDDDDDDDDDDD
推 moonqoo:好笑+1 律師的問題雖然有些腦殘 不過這應該是詰問的話術
推 HornyDragon:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
→ mu178:沒錯 有的美國律師好像會故意問腦殘問題引誘證人上鉤
推 longface:XD
推 smile0120:好好笑唷   <=裝懂抬身價
推 qaxqwe:好好笑阿  裝懂才會被認為ABC
推 Islandia:看不懂gear那個什麼意思。.@@
→ kingzoo:gear是說你開車排檔在第幾檔^^
→ erilinda:或是當作穿什麼衣服
推 Jarry:My name is Susan XDDDD
推 enty00212:哈哈哈哈        不懂的人就輸了
推 Arctica:幹 最後一個超好笑XDDDDDDD
推 yaas0610:哈哈    看完不懂能推嗎...
推 sunkist309: 還真好笑 XD
推 aloma:haha
推 skyjazz:我快笑瘋了XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
推 bisconect:HOYA0071應該是在開玩笑吧,Alip還真的回答他XDDDDDDDDD
推 dylantu:哈哈哈我第一個字就看得懂了 哈哈哈
推 Aragami:有查了一些單字　還蠻好笑的
推 xtxml:My name is Susan有機掰到XD
推 trueae:哈~ 有些還蠻好笑的~尤其是一些在問法醫的問題! 律師是人才
推 Shouian:笑翻了XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
推 airfly:ORAL... 超GY... 哈哈哈
推 daisu:最後一個超好笑 XDDDD
推 dreamabout:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
推 w00tw00t:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
推 kevinfu619:My name is Susan XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
推 yellowgolem:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 都超好笑
推 Iserlon:push
推 lucas01:都白痴答問阿
推 littleshamoo:好笑
噓 LOLOCHAT: 爛 冷笑話合集