[創作] Your eye

[imlazy (dear fear)]

Depression makes you cry
All the sadness full of your eye
Under your eyeball is my arduous try
Your tears dry
As the parachute fly
Solitude your thought maybe quiet
Let your stubborn shackle alright
And I will be the light
Illuminate your eye for a while.


我第一次寫
請大家多多指教

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推 dale:╭────────────────╮
推 dale:│感謝您於本板發表作品！　　　　　├╮
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推 dale:│依《本板規章與注意事項》之第二項││
推 dale:│「賞善」篇，凡於本板發表個人創作││
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推 dale:│　　　　　　　 ──poetry 板板主││
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推 ianjelly:You may like to check the grammar use in the
→ ianjelly:second and the last line. To be honest, it's
→ ianjelly:a good try.^^
→ ianjelly:I think of the time I cried,and when my
→ ianjelly:friend cried.
→ ianjelly:I am touched by the phrase "for a while."
→ ianjelly:想到以前看劇時一句台詞:人總要走上孤獨之路