So it begins. Another round on the tour roller coaster. Another giant box full
of fan gifts and goodies,each layer containing hand written stories and pric-
eless Nina Hamsters.Another 5 loads of laundry to do cause every night I'm sw-
eating like a little bitch,stinking up my jackets that I really shouldn't be
wearing in 100+ degree environments.Another bracelet lost on stage and 10 mo-
re gained all displaying everyone in the group's names in little white cubed
letters.
Another tour bus crash throwing you from one end of the bus to the other like
your doing a f*cked up run on crocodile mile. Another set of "pig racing" far-
mer style hats stolen from the "swine arena" perfect for the boys in the band
to wear with overalls and nothing else underneath except naughty body graffiti
artfully drawn by giddy fans with sharpies.
Another set of empty stomachs trying to decide "hhmmm, do I eat random pizza
for the 6th time in a row or try my luck with this blood sausage from the fa-
ir and see how long I can live off that?" (and people wonder why rock stars
are so f*cking skinny).
Another night of staying up till 3AM. Another night of staying up till 4AM.
Another night of staying up till 5AM. Another night of just staying up. You
know your hurting bad for rest when you fall asleep standing up brushing your
teeth...is that possible? Yes. I don't recommend it though unless you want
your nice obsessively clean toothbrush to end up dropping right in the nice
disgustingly dirty tour bus toilette. Oh yes, that's right, I'm a moron.
A lucky ass moron with another chance every night to create magic onstage and
connect with each and every fan who's spent their hard earned dollar to see
a simple rock show. Hello everyone, I'm Alex and welcome to another long over
due tour diary entree.
Putting aside the little tidbit I wrote you all announcing the new guitar pl-
ayer, we last left off on my flight home for a, uh, sorta break. Well, I appa-
rently survived that flight home from Paris despite the mad ramblings of death
that were going on in my head and the fork imprint on my face. As you all
know now my few days off were spent trying desperately to find a new guitar
player inbetween dropping clothes at the dry cleaner, picking up prescription-
s at the pharmacy, replacing empty bottles of my girly haircare products, of
course buying a new toothbrush, visiting family, picking up my brothers from
school, moving all the sh*t I own from three different places to my new
living abode and unpacking it all, and recording a cover song for an upcoming
movie called "Sweet Home Alabama" with the rest of the boys, and realizing I
just wrote what my English teacher in high school would say is "a run on
sentence that is the reason you, Alex, get D's in my class". I really hope
they end up using this song we recorded cause it is f*cking hilarious. Have
any of you heard of an old hillbilly song called "Keep Your Hands To Yourself"?
Well, lets just say there's yodeling in it and a line that talks about milking
cows. Probably the last song on the planet you'd ever hear The Calling
cover but it's all about the bejamins baby...and the comedy of course. You
can catch Nate on drums as well as bass cause Billy was out to lunch.
Anyway, back to the auditioning world. Dino's the man, that's all I can say.
I can also say Dino is our new guitar player for those of you who don't
know yet. He's been totally exceeding our expectations every show and I'm
glad he's part of the team. He's turning Aaron into a vegetarian freak though
which makes finding edible food on the road next to impossible for them. I'll
be eating a burger and Aaron's like "that's horrible for you, they slaughter
the cows laying in a bed of their own sh*t"...mmmmm. Next I was eating chick-
en at dinner and he's like "the FDA says that eating today's chicken is like
letting it marinate in the toilette for a day first"...YUM! But what's this
now? I'm eating ice-cream and he's like "so and so says all dairy is really
bad for you and shouldn't be eaten if you want to stay alive"...
I love Aaron, different strokes for different folks. I love bacon too, like
on a daily basis, so I'm already on the road to destruction.
So getting back to those crazy break days, we left right in the middle of
the two weeks as a four piece for the longest shortest
European trip ever. We didn't have a guitar player lined up in time for these
two 100,000+ audience shows so we decided to do it stripped down with me
playing guitar. We left early morning Friday, flew 15 hours with a 3 hour
layover in London to Denmark,drove straight 2 hours, played a huge festival,
drove back, slept 3 hours, flew 4 hours to London, did a day insanely full of
press and played a show for our biggest crowd ever, got on a plane and flew
12 hours back home...barf...that's all I can say about the traveling aspect
of that weekend.
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