[寫作班] 托福第16週, kapolo, 3

[kapolo (膚淺國度)]

: 3. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  Boys and girls
:   should attend separate schools.  Use specific reasons and examples to
:   support your answer.

"Separated or not" is a question of controversy. People have different
notions about the matter: some uphold it as necessary, other condemn it as
"outdated thought". Therefore, I would like to have a look at the question in
this essay to decide how unjustifiable separated schools could be.

One not only the strong points but also the mystery is that separated schools
are a necessary for better educated. In other words, different genders have
dramatically difference way to be taught. First, some people feel
it is hard to schedule both gender in the same standard. It has physical
and mental unlikeness between two gender. More over, separated schools could
let the learning more efficiently by setting the learning outline more
specific for mono gender. That is some people to say separated schools are
a way to improve mono gender learning better.

On the other hand, and the more important, both boys and girls won't live in
a separated society. Both of them will attend a society with two genders
after graduate. Separated schools let them lose the opportunity learning how
to socialize with the opposite sex, which they will work or even marriage
with. It's needed for the people knowing how to treat well to each gender,
and the skill can't study from text, only from daily life. Learning how
to deal with opposite gender in life is more important than study better from
separated schools.

In conclusion, I would like to say that it is not necessary or crucial to
attend separated schools. Without it, boys and girls will have better chance
knowing each other.

--
先謝謝囉~^~^Y
--
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◆ From: 61.229.126.171
※ 編輯: kapolo          來自: 61.229.126.171       (07/09 19:53)
推 outofdejavu:第一段matter後的冒改用句號。 other => others
→ outofdejavu:"One not only the strong points but also the
→ outofdejavu:mystery" 建議revise
→ outofdejavu:necessarry是形容詞
→ outofdejavu:what do you mean by "etter educated"?
→ outofdejavu:更好的教育?教養好的學生?
→ outofdejavu:difference是名詞
推 outofdejavu:第二段的schedule不適用該句
→ outofdejavu:both *genders*
→ outofdejavu:two *genders*
→ outofdejavu:*Moreover* is a one-word form
→ outofdejavu:"...let the learning..." 除去the
推 outofdejavu:"That is some people...better" 建議revise
→ outofdejavu:and "the more important" => more importantly
→ outofdejavu:正式寫作勿縮寫
→ outofdejavu:Both of them "will attend" => are in
→ outofdejavu:after "graduate" => graduation
→ outofdejavu:the opposited sex, "which they will...with" =>
推 outofdejavu:who may be working partners or spouse choice
推 outofdejavu:"for people knowing ... gender" =>
→ outofdejavu:for the people to know how to treat each/both
→ outofdejavu:gender(s) well
→ outofdejavu:"the skill...text"=>the skill can not be learnt
→ outofdejavu:from textbooks
→ outofdejavu:important than "study ...schools"=>
→ outofdejavu:studying better in a separated school
→ outofdejavu:Learning how to這句 建議加個for a student
→ outofdejavu:Learning vs studying 這樣才有對稱
→ outofdejavu:better "chance" => chances
→ kapolo:謝謝您的熱心指導^~^y  感謝:D
→ kapolo:第二段的schedule => 改用assign?
推 outofdejavu:請問你的中文意思是 很難用單一標準對待兩個性別嗎?
推 outofdejavu:若是的話 可以用deal with both genders with the
→ outofdejavu:same standard
→ kapolo:我了解了^~^ 還想請教除了爆多文法錯誤尚待惡補之外@~@"""
→ kapolo:以及許多待revise處@~@""""""""""""""""""""(汗)
→ kapolo:請問還有沒有改進作文的方法與空間呢? 觀點/連貫/詞彙量.等
推 outofdejavu:多看好文章囉 ^^
→ kapolo:還請您多多指教^~^y
→ kapolo:有您的好文章可以看嗎:P????
→ kapolo:目前只有想到看Editorial,托福範文 從中揣摩@~@"
推 outofdejavu:嗯...另用字若用precise，必勤查字典^^
→ outofdejavu:             要
→ kapolo:^~^
推 outofdejavu:http://oswego.org/staff/tcaswell/wg/
→ outofdejavu:我覺得這個網站不錯 參考參考
→ kapolo:收到^~^~ 之前看作文書都吸收不良 =3= 謝謝啦^^
推 outofdejavu:觀點方面盡量是獨到見解的，因為cliche大家都知道
→ outofdejavu:遇過一個很嚴格的作文老師，他就很要求 獨特見解
→ kapolo:的確該想些 獨特見解取代cliche來寫作文 @~@""
→ kapolo:不過在那之前寫作境界還要提升才行