[分享] 英文笑話

[cuteball (加油唷)]

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER : John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe , it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

--
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◆ From: 61.31.141.122
→ dowz:I 的那個.....我笑了......
推 Raist:我只有I的那個沒笑說Orz 其他都滿好笑XD
推 Flora11:笑不出來耶~請問答點在哪阿
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------- <

作者: gosummer (出國比賽) 看板: Eng-Class
標題: [分享]笑話一則
時間: Thu Mar 24 15:20:50 2005

An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class
of students.Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class.
'There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics.
First, you must have no fear.' Having said that,
he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus and licked it.
'Now you must do the same,' he told the class.

After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.
'Second,' the professor continued,
'you must have an acute sense of observation.For instance,
how many of you noticed that
I put my middle finger up this man's anus, but licked my index finger?'
--
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作者: phoenix544 (搖滾女孩) 看板: Eng-Class
標題: Re: 請問各位英文笑話
時間: Fri May  5 20:58:07 2006

之前在網路上看到的...好像太長了厚 囧rz
但我覺得很好笑XD

A six-year-old girl asks her mother, - "Mommy, how old are you?"
The mother replies, - "Honey, that's a very personal question.
                      You are not supposed to ask a woman her age."

Then she asks, - " How much do you weigh?"
The mother says, - "Honey, that is also a personal question.
                   People don't want to be asked about their weight."

The girl goes on, - "Mommy, why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
The mother says, - "That's a very sensitive subject.
                    When you are older, I'll tell you."

The next day, the girl goes to the kindergarten
and tells her friend about the conversation she had with her mother.
Her friend says, -"That's easy!! Look at her driver's license.
                   You can find all the information in there."

So the girl finds her mother's driver's license in her purse,
looks at it for a while, smiles big, and runs to her mother.
- "Mommy, mommy, I know how old you are! You are 32!
I know how much you weigh, too! You weigh 130 pounds!
And I also know why you got a divorce! You got an "F" in sex! "
--
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作者: Stanly123 (乾涸的嬰兒淚) 看板: Eng-Class
標題: Re: 請問各位英文笑話
時間: Sat May  6 15:45:57 2006

   1.what's the best form of birth control after 45?
     Nudity

   2.A third-grade teacher says, "Class, today I'd like one of you to
     use the word 'definitely' in a sentence."
     A little girl raises her hand and says,"The sky is definitely blue"
     "Not exactly." the teacher answers. "Sometimes the sky is gray,
      and at night, it's black. Anyone else?"
     Another students raises his hand and says, "Leaves are definitely green."
     "Close," the teacher says. "But in fall they turn brown. Anyone else?"
     A kid in the back row raises his hand and asks, "Are farts lumpy?"
     "No," the teacher replies.
     The kid responds, "Then I definitely just shit my pants."

--
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推 principeiii:兩個都蠻好笑的 :D
推 sonofbeach:第二則笑話好像有被翻成中文＠＠
推 bs1435:第二則蠻好笑的
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------- <

作者: bs1435 (見微知著) 看板: Eng-Class
標題: Re: 請問各位英文笑話
時間: Sat May  6 21:00:08 2006

[以下皆從 joke 板轉貼]

Why does a bicycle fall over?

A:Because it is two-tired.

What do you call a blind deer ?

A:No eye deer.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What is the difference between yogurt and the American Bar
   Association?

A: Yogurt has culture.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Why do lawyers never take their cats to the beach?

A: Their cats keep trying to burry them with sand.

---------------------------------------------------------------

When will you feel unlucky seeing a black cat?

A: When you are a rat.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
   lawyer in the road?

A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

--
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◆ From: 59.104.102.74
推 Lovetech:好惡毒的笑話 XD
推 imk:美國人是不是還蠻愛嘲笑律師的?
推 Pao:第三個很毒 XDDDD
推 Fuadiya:二、三看不懂
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------- <

作者: lily64 (lily) 站內: Eng-Class
標題: Re: 請問各位英文笑話
時間: Sun May  7 03:05:04 2006

不知道從哪看來的...

Q: What did one ocean say to the other?
A: Nothing, they just waved.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty bucks," she says.
He's never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell.

They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them.

"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife," the man answers idignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, says the cop, "I didn't know."

"Well," said the man, "neither did I until you shined that light in her face".

-----------------------------------------

最後一個不算笑話，只是單純覺得老外有時很可愛

有個無厘頭朋友，常說些奇怪的話
但身為朋友也已經見怪不怪了

某次和一個阿度仔閒聊
阿度仔: what's your name?
怪朋友: silver
我: 冏

阿度仔: oh! so you (me) must be gold...

當場很無耐! > <
--
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推 principeiii:大概以為你是韓國人吧
推 Lovetech:我想應該不是樓上的意思  因為有銀就要有
→ Lovetech:金啊....orz
→ lily64:呵! 害我一直想為啥我是韓國人呢  > <
推 eaqua:因該和'沉默是金,xxx是銀'成語有關...
推 lily64:^^" 我單純覺得只是金配銀耶!就像黑白配一
→ lily64:樣啊! 難道真的有特別意思...??
推 principeiii:我亂講的 大家認真了 ^^a
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------- <

作者: burglarlin (集氣~) 看板: Eng-Class
標題: [分享]英文笑話
時間: Tue Jan 16 14:21:05 2007

The last thing my friend remembered was ordering a drink at the bar.

After that, it was all a blur, except for the nagging feeling that

people were staring at him. The next day, he couldn't find his hat.

Figuring he'd left it at the bar, he took a walk over.

"Looking for your hat?" asked the bartender.

"yes," said my friend.

As the bartender handed it over, he added, "And would you like your

pants too?"


                                                   by ALASTAIR MACKINNON
--
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推 Lovetech:XD 好慘
推 aaaaaakoyasu:XD