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It’s all about being able to chat people up—wherever, whenever the opportunity
strikes. Here’s a simple plan for doing just that.
You know the type—the average-looking guy who can meet someone new while out
buying light bulbs, or the rather plain Jane who comes home from a dental ap-
pointment with the name and number of a potential suitor. We set out to discover
just what makes these people so adept at meeting others—so you can try their
best tips.
Trick #1: Smile and wave
Don’t be afraid to use gestures that say, “I’d like to chat with you”—whe-
ther that means a smile, a nod, a wave or just eyebrows raised in expectation.
Laura Lewis, 27, from River Falls, WI, recently spent much of her lunch hour in
a long line at a bank. But instead of getting annoyed, she got a number from the
cute guy standing behind her. “We were checking each other out the whole time
we stood there,” she explains, “and just as I finished at the teller, I gave
him a big, big smile. He gave me a cute little ‘hi there’ wave, so I busied
myself rearranging my wallet until he was free to talk.”
How to practice it: Even though it may seem bold, smiling at strangers is the
top way to let them know it’s safe to break through. Try it on everyone and any
one: The beleaguered workers at the post office, a harried mother in front of
you at the checkout aisle, or even the toddler sitting in her cart. As you get
used to being a smiler, you’ll start doing it naturally—including at the peo-
ple you most want to meet.
Trick #2: Be the one to talk first…
Anyone can talk back to someone, but real people-meeters know the trick is star-
ting a chat out of the blue. Susan RoAne, author of How to Create Your Own Luck
and What Do I Say Next, says the secret lies in seeing the world around you as
full of opportunities to talk, versus waiting to be spoken to.
How to do it: In order to break the ice with people you want to date, it helps
to start with people you’d normally never speak to—say, the married guy in
another department at work or a grandma at the bus stop. Since you’re not wor-
ried about whether they’ll shoot you down, you can truly be yourself and get
used to talking to perfect strangers. “You have to get comfortable doing it, or
you’ll hesitate when you see someone in particular who you want to talk to,”
says RoAne. “If you have to think about what to say or feel self-conscious, you
’ll hesitate, and the moment will be gone,” she says.
Trick #3: Work your chit-chat charm
OK, what the heck should you talk about? The experts advise finding something
that you two share—that could easily be something in your environment, like the
weather or the huge new billboard that went up across the street. Or it could be
something in the world around you, like a big verdict that was announced on the
news earlier in the day or the fact that the next day is officially the longest
day of the year.
How to practice it: Work on having an opinion or asking for the other person’s
view of things, rather than just throwing a remark out there. So if you’re in
the cereal aisle, don’t mutter to yourself, “Wow, expensive...” Turn to the
object of your affection and say, “Wow, can you believe it? Almost six dollars
for this! Is it just this brand or are they all so pricey?” Similarly, if you’
re in line for lunch and the folks behind the deli counter are taking their time
, don’t just say, “Gee, this line is moving so slowly.” Instead, try to get
some playful banter going by saying, “I’ll bet you a little bag of chips that
we’re not out of here by 1 P.M.” The idea is, open the door to a chat rather
than just toss off a remark.
Trick #4: Then stop talking…
Bill Keith, 29, from Hudson, OH, has a knack for charming everyone around him.
He says his secret is knowing when to stop yapping and start listening. “People
aren’t used to having other people really listen to them, so that’s how I win
a lot of people over,” he says. So whether he’s remarking about an old Bobby
Brown song that just came on the supermarket muzak (which is how he met his best
friend) or asking someone at Starbucks which shaker has cocoa and which has cin-
namon and does it really make a difference, he opens the door to a chat and then
shuts his mouth. The new acquaintance walks away feeling connected to you since
you lavished on that personal attention.
How to practice it: Next time you start a conversation, make an effort to ask
the person you’re chatting with at least three questions before making another
observation of your own. That will get you in the groove of letting the other
person open up to you... and make them feel appreciated. And when they feel ap-
preciated, chances are, they’ll want to continue that conversation.
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