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[Helen walks into the room holding a pregnancy test]
Anna: Last night with James?
Helen: Mm hmm.
Anna: Are you sure? You can't always tell from one. Maybe you
      should try another.
Helen: I bought three packets. There's two in a packet. That's six.
`      You can tell from six.

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[Helen tells James her boyfriend is cheating.]
James: Well, if it makes you feel any better... do you see that
       bloke over there? [Points to his friend at the end of the
       bar.] Not only does he own a personalized set of crocodile-
       skin luggage, but his favorite TV program is Baywatch. So
       you see there's always someone sadder than you.
[Helen starts to cry.]
James: Do you love him?
Helen: No, I could never love a Baywatch fan.

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Helen: Jerry, I asked you a simple question! There is no need for
       you to become Woody Allen!

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Anna: Are you okay?
Helen: Oh yes, I'm just going quietly mad.
Anna: Well, thank goodness for that. I was worried.

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James: Everyone is born knowing every single Beatles lyric. It's
       ingested into the fetus along with all that amniotic stuff.
       Fact: they should be called "The Fetals."

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James: Never joke about a woman's hair, clothes or menstrual cycle.
       Page one.

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Russell: You want my opinion?
Jerry: Will I like it?
Russell: Well, of course not! It'll be based in reality.

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Helen: I kissed you.
James: Yeah, I spotted that too.

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Russel: Gerry, you are a morality-free zone.

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Lydia: I'm a woman. We don't say what we want but we do reserve the
       right to get pissed off when we don't get it. That's what
       makes us so fascinating, and not a little bit scary.

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Lydia: I'm trying to be your girlfriend Jerry! I'm trying to win
       you back! I'm standing on the platform at Limbo Central with
       my heart and soul packed in my suitcase waiting for the
       Jerry Frikkin Express to roll in and tell me that my ticket
       is still valid and that I may reboard the train. Only the
       station announcer keeps coming on and telling me that my
       train has been delayed as the driver has suffered a major
       panic attack in Indecision City, "We suggest you take the
       bus"! That's what I have been trying to do, you cripple!

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Helen: You wanker. You sad, sad wanker.

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James: Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say.
Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life"?
James: No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

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Helen Quilley: I didn't know you liked Elton John.
Gerry: I-I-I do sometimes.

Russell: I must say, being friends with you certainly makes the
         wait for the next episode of "Seinfeld" much easier to
         bear.

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