[翻譯] Please! I wanna like Derek Jeter! I do!

[leddy (耿秋)]

這篇是搞笑的，笑到肚子痛! 這位球評真好笑!

資料來源:

http://joeposnanski.com/JoeBlog/2008/05/23/

Friday, May 23rd, 2008...10:11 pm
Please! I wanna like Derek Jeter! I do!

People don’t believe me when I say that I really like Derek Jeter. I do! I
think Jeter is an excellent player. I think Jeter is a smart player. I love
the guy’s tenacity — he’s only missed 15 games in a season once — and I
like his .317/.387/.461 lifetime line, and I respect that he will give you
some power, some speed, and more often than not really good at-bats. And
heck, I like the personality, the charisma, the star quality, the way other
players talk about his leadership — I don’t know what all that’s worth but
it’s gotta be worth something.

   大家別不相信我說的我真的喜歡Derek Jeter。我說的是真的! 我認為Jeter是一個優
秀的球員。我也認為Jeter是個精明的球員。我愛這傢伙的韌性 － 他只曾經在一個球季
裡錯失15場比賽 － 而且我喜歡他生涯的打擊成績是 .317/.387/.461，同時我尊敬他可
以給你一些火力，一些速度，而且好的打數比不太好的打數多得多。而且我發誓，我欣
賞他的個性、魅力、明星的特質，還有其他球員所提到他的領導方式 － 雖然我不知道
球員提到的領導能力到底價值是多大，但畢竟會有點價值吧。

So why is it that I’m often writing negative things about Derek Jeter? I
realized Friday that it has absolutely nothing to do with Jeter himself. No,
what drive sme batty is that Jeter — maybe because of his star power, or
maybe because he’s a Yankee, or maybe because he’s made some very big plays
on the national stage, or maybe because he dated all the supermodels, I
honestly don’t know what it is — Jeter brings out this quality in people,
this superiority, this … it just drives me insane I don’t know if there’s
a word for this quality so, as we do here, I’m going to invent a word.

    那為什麼我會常寫關於Derek Jeter一些負面的批評呢? 我瞭解週五的比賽絕對跟
Jeter一點關係都沒有。不是他的功勞(但卻吹捧得很厲害)，會發生這麼令我感冒的事
因為Jeter － 可能是因為他明星的威力，或是因為他是洋基隊員，或是因為他在全國
注目的舞台上有了一些精采的演出，或是因為他和所有的超級明模約會，老實講我不知
道為什麼 － Jeter對大家散發出這樣的氣質，這麼傑出，這麼...這種印象讓我發狂，
我不知道是否有什麼字眼可以形容這樣的氣質，我決定自創一個新字。

Jeterate (verb) meaning “to praise someone for something of which he or she
is entirely unworthy of praise.”

吉特式地稱讚(Jeterate) (動詞) 意思 "以他(或她)完全不值得讚賞的事情去讚賞一個人
"。

Example: “The father could not but jeterate his daughter for coloring on the
wall because she looked so cute.”

例子: "父親盡不住吉特式地稱讚女兒在牆上的作畫，因為她看起來真得很可愛。"

Or: “The employee, knowing his job was on the line, jeterated his boss for
almost making a 3-foot putt. ‘That was an incredible putt,“ the employee
said. ”With that intense break, I doubt Tiger Woods would have even lipped
out like you did.“

或: "員工，為了保住飯碗，便吉特式地稱讚老闆，雖然他的高爾夫球只作了3呎的推球
入洞。員工說: '哇這麼大的轉彎幅度，我懷疑Tiger Woods甚至都打不出老闆這樣的水
準。"

Or: “The doctor jeterated his patient for not actually gaining any more
weight since the visit four days earlier.”

或: "醫生吉特式地稱讚他的病人沒有真的增加多少體重，因為他四天前才來看過一次。"

And so on. See, the thing is Derek Jeter is such a good baseball player — I
mean, we are talking about a no-doubt, first ballot Hall of Famer here —
 that people don’t need to jeterate him for his fielding. The guy sucks as a
defensive shortstop, OK? He’s brutal out there. Every detailed defensive
number shows it. He’s back near the bottom again in zone rating and range
factor and, I’m sure, the Dewan plus/minus. Plus every scout who pays
attention knows he can’t go two steps to his left and his arm is subpar. It’
s OK! Really! He doesn’t have to be Mark Belanger. He’s a great hitter! He
plays every day! He’s makes up for some of his flaws with his awareness and
mental stamina! I wouldn’t be bothered by his defensive liabilities, I
really wouldn’t, except, well, you know, so many people don’t think he HAS
defensive liabilities. They give him freaking gold gloves. They knight him
Sir Derek of Defensive Wizardry because 238 years ago he tagged Jeremy Giambi
and jumped into the crowd on a foul ball.

    等等，族繁不及備載。看吧，事情就是Derek Jeter是這麼好的一個棒球選手 － 我
的意思是，我們談論的是一個無可置疑，第一輪的票選就可以進到名人堂的球員 － 大
家不需要吉特式地稱讚他的守備能力。這傢伙游擊的守備能力很爛，瞭解了吧? 這是無可
否認的事實。每一份詳細的守備數字顯示的都是這樣，他在守備區域評價(zone rating)
和守備範圍因素(range factor)都幾乎是吊車尾的，而且我確定在Dewan守備正/負評價
(plus/minus)也是如此。加上每一位注意到他的球探都知道，他左邊的守備範圍連兩步遠
都不到，而且他的臂力也在平均水準以下。但這沒有關係! 真的! 他沒有必要成為拿到八
次游擊金手套的Mark Belanger，他是一個偉大的打者。而且他還運用他的球感和強韌的心
理素質彌補他的缺陷! 我不會因為他的守備是種負債而感到困擾，我真的不會，除了，嗯
，你清楚的，很多人不認為他的防守是種負債。他們給了他狗屁不通的金手套獎項，還封
他為為守備奇才吉特爵士，因為238年前他觸殺了Jeremy Giambi，還有為接一個界外球跳
進觀眾席。

You see what happened there. I completely went overboard again. This is what
Derek Jeter does to me. I like Derek Jeter. I do! I wouldn’t even care about
Jeter’s deficient defense if certain people would just stop jeterating, stop
mythmaking, stop telling me that the numbers are wrong and my eyes are wrong
and that Jeter’s defensive brilliance is beyond my understanding, like the
size of the universe or the appeal of Drew Barrymore.

     你瞭解當時發生了什麼事，我也會再次回味不已。這是Derek Jeter的表現對我而言
的感覺，我喜歡Derek Jeter，我是說真的! 我甚至不在意Jeter不佳的守備，假如一些人
可以停止繼續吉特式地稱讚他的守備，停止造神，停止告訴我守備數字有問題，我的眼睛
有問題，而且Jeter絕佳的守備是超乎我的理解程度，就像宇宙的大小非常人可以衡量或
是茱莉芭莉摩的吸引力非常人可以想像。

Of course, this rant wasn’t set off by Jeter’s defense. No. I was driving
back to New York from Cooperstown*, where I did more 1975 Reds research (did
I mention that I’m writing this book), and I was listening to the Yankees
radio network and I heard the worst bit of jeterating I’ve heard in my
entire life, and that’s saying something.

    當然，這些幻想的言語並不會烘托出Jeter的守備有多好。不會，我從Cooperstown
開車到紐約時，我在Cooperstown*作了很多1975年紅人隊的研究(我提過我正在寫這本書
嗎?)，開車的路途我聽的是洋基隊的廣播網，我聽到了我一生中最噁心的吉特式稱讚法，
那說明了一些事情。

*Here’s how you will know that I was in Cooperstown — I am at this very
moment wearing a 1975 Cleveland Indians Crooked C hat. You know I used to be
a big hat guy — loved wearing caps — and as my wife will tell you I have
like 75 or 80 baseball caps in the closet. But somewhere along the way, I
stopped wearing them. This wasn’t a conscious decision; I didn’t wake up
one morning, look in the mirror, and say, “That’s it, pally, you’re a
grown up now, it’s time to top wearing caps like you’re one of the Peanuts
gang.” No. It just sort of gradually went in that direction. These days, for
the most part, I only wear caps when I’m trying to prevent sun stroke. But
this Crooked C hat that I got in Cooperstown could change all that. I love
this hat.

註: 你將會知道我過去在Cooperstwon時是怎麼樣的 － 我是一個在任何時候都戴著1975
年克里夫蘭印地安人隊的拐字C的球帽。你知道我過去是個超愛戴帽子的傢伙，就像我的
老婆會告訴你我在櫃子裡有75或80頂棒球帽子。但在某一個時候我停止這種戴帽子的行
徑。這不是什麼痛改前非的決定；我不是某天早上醒來，看著鏡子，然後說，"行了吧，
你該成熟點吧，這時候像你這樣頭上戴著帽子就像史努比中花生家族的成員一樣幼稚了。"
不是，我只是有點剛好往這個方向作改變而已。近來，大部份的時候，我戴帽子是為了防
日曬，但是在Cooperstwon得到的拐子C帽則有點不同，我超愛這頂帽子。

1975 Cleveland Indians Crooked C hat請參考以下網址
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00028TOPW/?tag=music2u

So, here’s the Jeter scenario. He gets hit by a pitch to lead off the fifth
inning. Then the MBGPIBH* Bobby Abreu singles Jeter to third. A-Rod is up.
You have the situation in your mind now, right? First and third, nobody out.
A-Rod at the plate.

   那麼，這就是Jeter情節了。他第五局率先上場因觸身球上壘，然後MBGPIBH(註)
Bobby Abreu一壘安打讓Jeter上三壘，A-Rod上場打擊。你現在心中會可以想到這情境
吧，對不對? 1, 3壘有人，無人出局，A-Rod上場打擊。

*Most Boring Good Player In Baseball History. You can change “Good” to “
Great” if you feel strongly about it. This is a versatile title.

註: MBGPIBH意思是棒球史上最無聊的好球員，你可以把好改為偉大，假如你的感覺更強
烈一點的話。這是個多方面適用的頭銜。

OK, you ready? A-Rod hits a ground ball to third base. Jeter takes off for
home. Now, you can argue about whether or not heading home was the right
call. I wasn’t watching the game, so I couldn’t tell you if this was a
contact play, or if the Mariners were set up for the double play, or if Jeter
(gasp) just got caught up. I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter. What
matters is this, Mariners’ third baseman Adrian Beltre threw home and got
Jeter into a rundown. Because Jeter is a good athlete, it took the Mariners
three throws to get him and this gave the MBGPIBH and A-Rod enough time to
get to second and third.

    可以吧，你回想好了吧? A-Rod打了一個滾地球到3壘，Jeter衝向本壘出局。現在，
你可能會爭論衝向本壘是不是個好的跑壘決定。我並沒有看到比賽，我無法告訴你這是不
是一個觸擊球，或是水手隊是設定作雙殺，或是Jeter就是跑回來被抓到了。我不知道，但
那不重要。重要的是，水手隊的三壘手傳向本壘，對Jeter形成夾殺。因為Jeter是個好的
運動員，讓水手隊來回傳了三次才將他夾殺出局，這使得史上無聊的好球員和A-Rod有足夠
的時間到二壘和三壘。

So … you got the play in your mind, right? Now, do I need to say any more?
If that had been David DeJesus getting caught up in the rundown, or Coco
Crisp, or Melvin Mora or Placido Polanco or Endy Chavez or Mark Kotsay or
just about anyone else you can think of, it would be described pretty
plainly. The runner took off, it was unfortunate, but at least he stayed out
there in the rundown long enough to allow the runners to move up. The words “
at least” would have been used, no doubt about it. You don’t throw roses at
players for getting caught in rundowns on third base with nobody out.

    所以...你心中清楚這守備是什麼情況了吧? 現在，需要我再說一遍嗎? 假如那是
David DeJesus被夾殺出局，或是Coco Crisp, 或Melvin Mora或Placido Polanco或Endy
Chavez或Mark Kotsay或你想到任何的其他人，會被描述得很平淡無奇，會說這位跑者被
殺出局，是很可惜的，但是至少他夾殺的過程夠久讓跑者可以多進占壘包。我們會用"至
少"這個字眼，無疑是如此而已。你不用對一位球員在無人出局時，在三壘被夾殺出局的
球員丟上鮮花大肆地吹捧吧。

But … this is Derek Jeter. And so, well, you know what’s coming. The
Yankees radio crew — and these are good folk, hard workers, they’re just
lost in the Jeter flood like so many — basically sang Hosanas to Derek Jeter
for getting caught in a rundown. I’m not kidding here. They went on for five
minutes about how the Captain willed those runners to second and third. They
kept talking about how not only did Jeter stay in the rundown but he WAVED
THOSE OTHER RUNNERS to the bag while he was doing it. Imagine. I was sitting
there in the car absolutely stunned. This was Jeterating on a whole new
level. He waved the other runners to their bags? Really? Like this:

    但是...這是Derek Jeter。而且就是，嗯，你知道會發生什麼事。洋基隊廣播網的人
員 － 以及這些好人、認真的員工，他們像很多人一樣只是迷失在Jeter洪流裡 － 基本
上他們對Derek Jeter被夾殺唱起頌讚的聖歌，我不是在開玩笑。他們講了五分鐘關於洋
基隊長如何指揮跑者上二、三壘。他們持續頌讚著Jeter是如何延長夾殺的時間，還提到
他在拉長夾殺時還不忘"作著手勢指揮跑者"上壘包。我坐在車裡完全愣住了。這種吉特
式的稱讚已經到了全新的層級，他指揮其他跑者上他們的壘包? 真的嗎? 像這樣嗎?


Mind of Derek Jeter: “Oh oh, I’m in a rundown here. I better let those
other guys know what to do.”
Mind of MBGPIBH: “I like cookies. They are delicious. Especially when they
have chocolate chips.”

Derek Jeter的心中: "哦哦，我要被夾殺了，我最好讓其他人知道要作什麼!"
史上最無聊的好球員Abreu的心中: "我喜歡餅乾，真是美味，特別是巧克力脆片更棒!"

Mind of Jeter: “No, Bobby! No! Dammit. I’ll bet he’s thinking about
cookies. No! Run to the next base Bobby! No, that base! Third base! Come on
Bobby, I can’t stay in this rundown all day.”
Mind of MBGPIBH: “I don’t like oatmeal cookies so much. I wonder if it’s
the oatmeal.”

Jeter 心中說: "不是，Bobby! 不是! 該死的。我敢打賭他在想餅乾。不是啦! 要跑到
下個壘包啦，Bobby! 不，你跑錯了不是那個壘包! 是三壘! 別鬧了，Bobby! 我時間不
多沒辦法整天拉長這夾殺啦!"

史上最無聊好球員心中說: "我不是那麼愛燕麥片餅乾，我不知道會不會是燕麥片餅乾。"

Mind of Jeter: “NO! That base! I’m waving here! Hello! I’m waving! Third
base!”
Mind of A-Rod: “Wow, what’s all the waving about. I think Derek’s trying
to tell us something!”

Jeter心中說: "不對! 別一直想餅乾，不是那個壘包! 我揮的這邊! 喂! 我在揮手! 三壘
!"

A-Rod心中說: "哇，手揮成這樣的意思一定有什麼意思。我想Derek應該設法想告訴我們
什麼事!"

Mind of Mencia: “Something utterly not funny.”

Menica心中說: "就是一些完全不好笑的東西。" (這是指Carlos Mencia一位有名喜劇演
員和作家，Mind of Mencia是他的個人秀節目)

Mind of MBGPIBH: “Um, now, I also like doughnuts, but not the cake ones so
much and … oh, hey, Derek’s waving. I better go to third base.”
Mind of Jeter: “Whew. Thank you and, oh no, A-Rod, man, you’ve got to run
too. Come on, I’m waving here.”
Mind of A-Rod: “Is he waving goodbye? Is he leaving? I wonder if I’ll be
the shortstop again. Man, I liked being shortstop, you know, I could tell
pitchers what to throw and … oh, wait, he’s waving me to second base. Here
I go!”

史上最無聊的好球員心中說: "啊，現在，我也愛甜甜圈，但不怎麼愛蛋糕，還有...哦，
喂，Derek在揮手耶。我最好跑到三壘。"

Jeter的心中說: "喲，多謝啦終於看懂啦，哦不對拉，A-Rod，喂，你也要跑啊! 別鬧了,
我在這裡揮手耶。"

A-Rod的心中說: "他是不是在說再見啊? 他要離開了? 我不知道我可不可以再當游擊手耶
。喂，我喜歡當游擊手，我可以告訴投手投什麼球還有...哦，等等，我會錯意了他是揮手
叫我到二壘，好我衝了!"

No, seriously, this was what they were saying on the radio. He waved them to
the next base! What a leader! What a man! Who else in the world could have
gotten caught in a rundown long enough to get runners to move up? Wait, did
he save a young child from a burning building during the rundown? I believe
he did! What a player! What a humanitarian! And then, when Hideki Matsui
singled to score both runners, they took it up another step and canonized
Jeter.

   不是啦，不開玩笑，他們在廣播裡說的是這樣。Jeter揮手要他們跑到下一個壘包!
多棒的領導者! 多讚的男人啊! 世上還有誰可以夾殺的時間拉得這麼長讓其他跑者多進
占壘包啊? 等等，在這次的夾殺中Jeter可不可以從燃燒的大樓救出小孩子呢? 我相信
Jeter作得到! 多棒的球員啊! 多有人性關懷的偉大隊長啊! 然後，當松井秀喜打出一壘
安打讓兩位跑者回來得分時，他們的吹捧又更大了，幾乎把Jeter封神入聖了。

I suppose posts like this are why people don’t believe me when I tell them
that I really like Derek Jeter. I do! I really, really, really do. If only
people would just stop.

    我猜貼這樣的文章會成為大家不相信我真的喜歡Jeter的理由，但我真的喜歡Jeter
。我真的，真的，真的喜歡他。只要人們停止造神就可以了。

--
※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc)
◆ From: 220.132.198.21
推 oil0511:太好笑了ＸＤＤＤＤＤＤ
推 nininic:哈哈~~不過是真的嗎???
推 Anero:Drew Barrymore明明就很正!!!!!!!!
推 Wahaha1008:這篇相當神秘 不過為什麼ABREU是史上最無聊的好球員
推 realestate:真是有夠酸XD
推 KerryWood:其實笑點都看過了
推 unique0816:推吉特式！
推 raygod:沒看比賽 不過這球不會變成1.2壘的DP嗎?
推 tribeswf:這場就前幾天的那場吧..
推 freesoul:Drew Barrymore沒有非常非常正，不過也算不錯了
推 Hans14:吉搥
→ calmdownplz:Drew Barrymore躺著也中槍
推 ianfunky:XD
推 mishe:XDDDD好好笑喲
推 bbsbug:茱兒很可愛耶...
推 mess0706:好酸!XD
→ Herlin:jeterate 這動詞不錯 XD
推 isaac1225:我覺得那個跑壘很聰明耶.. 不然就真的是dp了.
推 marx93521:本日最好文  XDDDDD 酸文功力已經超過鄉民們了~
推 geniusgia:好笑到不行XDD
推 lcu481131:有深度的酸文 XD
推 nir:酸到不行，呵呵，內心戲那邊真精采!也學到一個新字丁特rate
推 egg25:超讚 也感謝原po的翻譯
推 pig:這種文章在某些板大概水桶30天跑不掉吧 :p
推 matsui7:這個好XDDDDDDD
推 simonown:XD
推 tomjack0405:這篇文章PH值大概等於1吧XDDDD
推 camuskiroro:好酸~~XD 笑到快哭了~~
推 chopinlee:原po翻譯有翻到精隨，強，另外我也愛茱兒
推 JUNstudio:XD  大家不要太jeterate本文翻譯,他只是忠實陳述事實XD
推 neepa:超哭的啦   jeterate
推 weian:100分！
推 yulo:倒數第2段怎麼沒翻在夾殺中救火場的小孩啊XD 那裏超好笑XD
→ yankeefuck:那個夾殺有一部分是水手傳球有點delay 只要不要太無腦
→ yankeefuck:的人球員都可以辦到
→ yankeefuck:之前我推文說Jeter守備很爛還有一堆人說啥Jeter守備有
→ yankeefuck:平均水準勒...
推 rosemars:同意這篇酸得程度遠遠超過鄉民了...XD
推 GniKcol:Drew Barrymore是正姐!!!
推 brighton16:酸到不行的好文 XD
推 stockton88:YANKEESFUCK 你講的話有人信嗎? id 這ㄇ敏感
推 iliketea:笑翻了，酸斃了
推 drizzt3032:原文真是經典 !!!!  不過翻譯也不賴啦XD
推 Rolen:笑死我了
※ 編輯: leddy           來自: 220.132.198.21       (05/29 10:16)
→ leddy:補上精采片斷
→ leddy:等等，在這次的夾殺中Jeter可不可以從燃燒的大樓救出小孩子