Re: [寫作班] Computer, starterk

[dvlin ()]

※ 引述《starterk (把智慧的火櫸傳遞下去)》之銘言：
: Computer
: Recently, scientists who are employed by the U.S. military create a brand
                          were                               created
這句應該要過去式喔
: new machine with incredibly high calculation ability. Our first aim is to
:  teach the machine to calculate a path of parabolic curve. Although it is
                                 the path of a parabolic curve
:  still difficulty for us to operate it, I suppose that our new machine will
:  help the U.S. army to analyze more complexity calculation in future.
U.S. Army是專有名詞要大寫;       ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
                                 calculation加s;前面擺adjective
           "more complex calculations" or "high-complexity calculations"
:  However, the current difficulty for us is that we need numbers of engineers
                                                         a number of
:  to maintain the machine. Usually, the machine will be out of function for
:  a while every hour due to short-circuits or overheat of certain items.
                                               overheating
另外，用"components"取代"items"會不會比較適合?
:  Expect those drawbacks, I think the machine is a great invention in human
                                                  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
:  history.
文法對了，句意上來說，用"one of the greatest inventions..."會更強一點。

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推 chileno:同意，跟我的想法一樣XD
推 chileno:補充：第一句主詞是科學家，可是後面的句子主詞都是we
→ chileno:這樣會造成閱讀上的混淆。