Welcome :)
I appreciate your ways of thinking.
However, I have some difficulty understanding ur essay.
Here are two things u may notice:
1.Structure
When u write an essay, u should have at least an introduction paragraph,
body paragraph(s), and an conclusion paragraph so that the readers can
understand ur statement easily.
2. language use
I suggest that when u memorize vocabulary, u know how the words are used.
Take ur first sentence for example, "I'd like to" should be in front of
"to V." Knowing how to use a word corretly is important, too.
: First, I'd like working for an employer. In one hand,I was young in work,
: experience and practice. On the other hand, I have more chance than many
: people. Choose one of small company, working couple years or month. Because
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