Re: [寫作班] 托福第14週 hsnudrum, 1

[chileno (老頭子)]

:     As cities improving, they would all probably face with the issue of

        1.improve的用法不對，這裡不能只有現在分詞。
          可以改成：As cities improve或With improvements of cities。
        2.face的用法：不能說they would face with the issue...
          應該是they would face the issue...
          或 they would be faced with the issue...

: whether they should destroy the old or historic buildings or not. As a
: college student, I think that a city should not destroy these buildings.

        不太明白為什麼要提as a college student。
        你後面的立論跟這個身份似乎也沒有關係，大可不提。

: In the following discussion, I would reason and provide evidence to
: support my viewpoint.
:     Historic buildings can bring a lot of economic benefits to the city,

        1.較為簡潔的寫法：can be economically beneficial
          不過你的寫法也對，僅供參考。
        2.thus不是連接詞，不能這樣直接連接兩個句子，
          最好在thus前面加and。

: thus these buildings should not be destroyed. Taking my country for example,

        taking的主詞跟後面子句的主詞Tainan不同，
        不能用這樣的分詞構句，不如直接用For example就好。

: Tainan, a city that is characteristic of many historic buildings, has been
: the most famous city in my country. The historic buildings in Tainan have
: been the most popular spots that people must visit when they go to Tainan.
: Hence, I think the historic buildings should not be destroyed because of
: its economic effects.

        because of their economic effects.
        因為前面是buildings。

:     Second, historical buildings also have great educational function for
: our children who live in this city. By visiting the historical buildings,
: children could deeply realize the history of the city they live in, not
: just only through the pictures and descriptions in their textbook.

        just跟only的意義重複了，可以用just就好。
        pictures也可用illustration這個字，也有「插圖」之意。

: Significantly, a city sholud not destroy these historic buildings and

        這裡用Significantly的意思是？你想表達的是obviously嗎？

: replace them with modern buildings base on the cultral and educational
: purposes.

        base-->based sholud-->should cultral-->cultural
        除了base以外，其他應該是單純的打錯字吧。
        我會建議你把based on these cultural...這個子句提到句首，
        表示強調。

:     To sum up, given the discussions above, I strongly suggest that a city
: should keep its historic buildings without any destruction.

        without any destruction，你想表達的意思是？
        因為這樣寫，我不太能理解用這個片語的意思。

        請參考，加油喔。

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◆ From: 118.165.16.24
※ 編輯: chileno         來自: 118.165.16.24        (06/24 21:58)
推 hsnudrum:Thanks for your great help!! :)
→ hsnudrum:without any destruction那個地方我不太懂耶, 我想說的是
→ hsnudrum:keep historic buildings並且不破壞它, 所以就很直覺的
→ hsnudrum:用without any destruction, 請問是文法用錯了嗎?
→ chileno:沒錯，只是覺得不順，單純是我個人語感的問題
→ chileno:其實也可說:keep these buildings safe and sound XD
推 hsnudrum:原來如此, 我下次會注意的, 謝謝指教^^