[閒聊] 有趣的Steam商店評論(2)

[pride829 (竹鼠)]

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1.Mountain

86%

http://store.steampowered.com/app/313340/

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DrFreenote，負評:

I will not recommend this game until it has Multiplayer capability.

As soon as two clients can connect, interact with the same objects, view the
same mountain, play music for each other, and watch their mountain turn to
stardust, I will change this review to recommend this game.

我不會推薦這遊戲，除非他推出多人模式。

當玩家可以互相連線，和同一個物件互動，看同一座山，為對方撥音樂，並且一同看著
他們的山化為星塵的時候，我才會給這款遊戲好評。

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Ricardo Quaresma，好評:

Just like my life, it's boring, tedious and meaningless, but I still can't
end it for some reason. 10/10

這遊戲就像我的生命一樣，既無聊、冗長又沒有意義，但不知怎麼的我就是沒辦法結束。
10/10

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Sopping Plopper，好評:

Played mountain and it told me there's more to life. Sold my PC and now I'm a
monk on a real mountain. 9/10

我玩了Mountain而它告訴我生命可以不只如此，賣了我的電腦之後，現在我在真正的山上
出家修行。9/10

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Ganymede XIII，好評:

At least now when I die, I'll be known as that chick who wasted her life on a
virtual mountain.

至少現在當我過世以後，人們會記得我是那個把時間浪費在一座虛擬之山的小妞。

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Mountain，好評:

(使用者紀錄時數6795.7小時，而且名稱跟頭像都和這款遊戲一樣)

It gets old quick. Beat it in an hour. Grab it when it goes on sale. 4/10
would ruin my marriage again

很快就玩膩了。一小時就破關。特價再買就好。4/10　願意再一次破壞我的婚姻

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2.Stardew Valley

97%

http://store.steampowered.com/app/413150/

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badgerofdoom，好評:

The new update promises to improve the quality of your marriage. Doesnt work,
my wife is still pretty upset I play Stardew Valley so much.

最新的更新說會提升婚姻的品質。沒有用，我老婆還是很氣我整天都再玩星露谷。

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birdy，好評:

spent a week giving a girl flowers and buying her beer
asked her to dance with me she said "Ew no"

very realistic

10/10

花了整整一個星期在送某個女生花朵，請她喝啤酒，然後邀她跳舞的時候她說：「噁，不
要。」

非常寫實

10/10

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Fitz，好評:

a game about being closer to nature and your neighbors, but is highly
addictive and is keeping me indoors and alone. the irony is not lost on me.

一款重點在於親近大自然並且敦親睦鄰的遊戲，但非常容易上癮讓我整天待在家裏面玩。
我可不是沒注意到這矛盾。

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NIRee，好評:

I stopped smoking because I don't have time for that 'cos there are crops to
water.

10/10

我戒菸了因為我沒時間抽還有作物等著要澆水

10/10

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Tony，好評:

Civilization V = "One more turn."
Stardew Valley = "One more day."

文明五 = "再一回合就好"
星露谷 = "再一天就好"

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3.Broforce

97%

http://store.steampowered.com/app/274190/

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Glode，好評

When I started playing, I was British... I left American.

玩這款遊戲之前我是英國人…現在我變成了美國人。

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Dogetea，好評

A game so manly that bruce lee came back from the dead to give it a thumbs up.

一款超Man的遊戲，李小龍自墳墓復生並且親自給它了個讚。

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Chef Spaghet，負評

UPON LAUNCHING THIS GAME, MY COLD RED COMMUNIST HEART WAS IMMEDIATELY
ASSUALTED WITH COPIOUS LEVELS OF FREEDOM. AFTER PLAYING THE GAME, I HAD TO
SPEND SEVERAL HOURS READING MARXIST PROPAGANDA AND SPREADING IDEAS OF FREE
HEALTHCARE TO AVOID BEING LURED BY THE SIREN CALL OF BASEBALL, APPLE PIE AND
DEEPFRIED BUTTER ON A STICK, A FEW OF THE MANY TOOLS THE CAPITALIST MONSTER
HAS AT ITS DISPOSAL. DO NOT RECCOMEND.

一當我啟動這款遊戲，我那鮮紅冰冷的共產主義的心靈立刻被不同層次的民主所攻擊。玩
過這款遊戲之後，我必須花上幾小時讀馬克思語錄並且花上幾小時散波免費健保的思想來
避免我的靈魂被那些邪惡的美國式思想入侵。這遊戲是資本主義家用來控制人民的工具之
一。不推薦。

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Bagel Mode，好評

American foreign policy simulator 2016.

美國外交模擬器 2016

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axtuse，好評

My controller grew a moustache. I can't shave it off...it's incredibly dense.
I'll grow fond of it eventually.

我的手把長了鬍子出來。我沒辦法把它們刮掉…它們超級濃密的。不過我開始越來越喜歡
了。

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Dr.Gordano Freemano，好評

If you don't have it, you're probably a terrorist
If you don't like it, you're probably a terrorist
If you haven't heard of this game, you're probably a terrorist
If you don't rate this review good, you're probably a terrorist
And if you ARE a terrorist, you're probably a terrorist

如果你沒有這款遊戲，你大概是個恐怖份子
如果你不喜歡這款遊戲，你大概是個恐怖份子
如果你沒聽過這款遊戲，你大概是個恐怖份子
如果你不認為這個評論值得參考，你大概是個恐怖份子
還有如果你是個恐怖份子，你大概是個恐怖份子

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OverlordTomala，好評

It's like Terreria, if it were made by Michael Bay.

玩起來就像Terreria，不過是麥可貝導演的。

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4.Counter-Strike: Global Offensive

92%

http://store.steampowered.com/app/730/?snr=1_7_15__13

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DraganMKD87 (EU only)，好評:

Every team consists of 5 people:
1.You
2.Russian Guy
3.Another Russian Guy
4.Russian Guy who speaks English
5. A 6 year old kid who slept with your mother

11/10 Too much Salt and С*ка Бли@т,not enough Kurvva
Would love to take another dose of salt and punch my little brother

你隊上的五個人:

1.你
2.某個俄國佬
3.另外一個俄國佬
4.會說英文的俄國佬
5.幹過你娘的某個6歲屁孩

11/10 太多Salt跟Cyka Blyat，不夠多Kurvva
我願意再來點Salt並且給我老弟一拳

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Crypter，好評:

Where can i get the English version?

我哪邊可以找到英文版本？

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BakeACake，好評：

If i had a dollar for each time someone screamed at me in another language,
i'd still have no money because i spent it on skins

如果每次某個人用俄文對我大吼大叫我就可以拿一塊錢，我大概，還是會沒錢因為我都拿
去買Skin了。

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cp2 @csgoscampot.ru，好評

It's like Dota 2 but with less wizards and more Russians.

這遊戲就像Dota2，不過沒那麼多巫師，然後有很多俄羅斯人。

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Hard buns，好評

Knife in real life: 10$
Knife in game: 400$

10/10

現實生活中的刀：10美金
CS:GO中的刀： 400美金

10/10

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doge-e-god，好評

IQ tests should be mandatory before being able to play matchmaking

玩家要可以加入競技之前應該要先通過IQ測試才可以。

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5. Fallout: New Vegas

95%

http://store.steampowered.com/app/22380
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camptrigg22，好評

（這篇評論在Fallout 4快要上市之前發表）

-already played this game on xbox
-buy it for lols
-install graphic mods to make it look next gen
-rename it to "Fallout 4"
-start it up
-like 30 friends message me saying "OMG FALLOUT 4 HOLY SHIIII"
-they ask me for screenshots
-i snap a few in unrecognizable locations
-my enb makes it look 2015
-they freak out
-i tell everyone that the reason they can't find it on steam is bc they need
to delete system32
-most of them call my bluff but 2 of them went offline
-they still haven't come back after weeks
-♥♥♥♥ing scrubs
11/5

-我已經在XBOX上玩過這款
-我還是買了下來
-安裝畫質MOD讓它看起來非常精美
-在STEAM上重新命名為"Fallout 4"
-大概有30個朋友密我說"哇操真假是Fallout 4"
-他們叫我截圖
-我拍了幾個認不出來的地方
-MOD讓它看起來像是2015年的遊戲
-他們整個驚呆了
-我告訴他們他們要把System32刪掉才能在Steam上面購買Fallout 4
-大部分的人發現被整但是有兩個人就這樣下線了
-到現在他們還是沒上線
-真是白癡

11/5

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Piccolo Is A Yoshi，好評

"You killed my family!"
(Speech 100) "Nah."
"Oh, okay then."

"你殺了我的家人！"
(演說技能100) "沒吧。"
"噢，那好吧。"

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Martin Shkreli，好評

Wake up from coma, Doctor gives me knife. Stab everyone in town, take all
their stuff. Sold it to the NCR, headed to Vegas, beat a giant bee with my
fists and almost died. Threw dynamite at some wheely robots, walked into the
Vegas strip. Gambled until no casino would have my business. Took my
earnings, bought a mini-gun. Went back to the strip and killed everyone. Made
sure to eat their corpses. Left and went to a bar where a robot had
intercourse with me.

This was just my first time playing the game.

自昏迷中醒來，醫生給了我一把小刀。捅死村子裡每一個人，拿走他們的東西。通通賣給
NCR，朝維加斯前進，赤手空拳打死一隻變種大蜜蜂並且差點掛掉。對著某些用輪子行走
的機器人丟炸藥，然後走進維加斯的脫衣俱樂部。賭錢賭到每個賭場都拒絕我進入。拿我
賺到的錢去買了輪轉機槍。回去脫衣俱樂部並且殺光所有人，然後吃他們的屍體。離開之
後去另外一個機器人會跟我上床的Bar。

這還只是我第一次玩這款遊戲。

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Mister Lucifer，好評

It's like Fallout 3, but with writers that actually graduated high school.

這款就像Fallout 3，不過劇本是真的已經從高中畢業的人寫的。



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我的部落格:理性小說人

http://rationalnovelguy.blogspot.tw/

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※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/Steam/M.1476297872.A.DC7.html
推 Dzeko: 英國人美國人是什麼鬼?!
推 P2: 山的那一則負評，遊戲時數12,473.3 小時
推 iceboxi: 非常寫實 XD
→ reallurker: 算起來 負評的從發售買來就一直開機
推 oscarss07: 玩山玩了上千小時也太猛
推 pillmedicine: 看完很想玩看看山
推 a223102: 這個系列根本就是意圖使人入坑
推 st9061204: Broforce的劇情意識跟ID4的一樣都大美國主義，但很痛快
推 mikeneko: 最新的更新說會提升婚姻的品質            啊我沒有老婆
推 sss22563987: 超好笑
推 Victory2: 有笑有推 XDDDDDD
推 onegaisimasu: lol
推 sixfloor: 我玩過山 音樂好聽 可是有空虛感 就退了
推 ggininderrrr: Kurwa!
推 gigigaga28: Cs裡都是俄國人和wow裡都是中國人，哪個比較慘
推 e04su3no: FONV好壞
推 cdefgh77: csgo評論超中肯
推 iComeInPeace: CS吧，WOW你至少還能自己玩
推 g5637128: XDD
推 YW222: 推
推 shena30335: 推
推 yoyo93215: 被推坑broforce了
推 a1s2d342001: 超好笑
推 shadow0326: 婚姻品質那個超好笑XDD
推 tom0407: csgo快笑死
推 philae1112: 這好笑
→ gureen72: 有變成系列作的潛力
推 gureen72: 補推
推 smallcountry: 裝mod騙朋友 XD
推 dalinman: 山真的那麼厲害啊？
推 clubee: 笑死
推 dwSoup: 山好便宜啊，但是好怕自己中毒
推 litwild: 優質
推 P2: 山只是類似螢幕保護程式，他們在玩梗洗遊戲時數而已
→ P2: 只能放著讓它跑，能執行的指令不多
推 bule2006: 超白癡的XD
→ dameontree: Russians人不錯啊哈哈
推 hand3bj: 真的超好笑XDDDD
推 futsukidesu: 山的評論連現在上去看中文都超好笑，一堆哲學發言．
推 lordmi: 我今天才知道有steam四大名著，慚愧慚愧
推 Kenqr: XDDD
推 r85270607: brofoce就非常的AMERICA STYLE的氣氛
推 ttuys: XDD
推 pillmedicine: 昨天特地去看 山 的評論，中文的也超好笑，真的一
→ pillmedicine: 堆哲學
推 pttrAin: 這好好笑 XD