Re: [閒聊] 嘴砲老外的wow心得

[vendock (芬達)]

※ 引述《vendock (芬達)》之銘言：
: http://zeropunctuation.wikia.com/wiki/World_of_Warcraft:_Cataclysm#Transcript

: Like a drunken concert-goer guffawingly yelling for "Freebird," a video on
: World of Warcraft has oft been requested of me. And like the struggling
: guitarist upraising a hilarious middle finger while making a mental note to
: attempt suicide later in the evening, I have resisted. How exactly does one
: review an entity like World of Warcraft? Do you go by its entertainment value
: as a game or its fucking body count? 'Cause factoring in lost man-hours and
: all those dead, neglected children, it's got to be up there with a fairly
: major natural disaster.
跟在演唱會的醉漢會大喊要求樂團彈Free Bird一樣
常常會有人要求我做一個有關魔獸世界的影片
而就跟那個嫩嫩吉他手比出一個中指
然後腦中記著晚點要自殺一樣
我也一直抵抗著這個要求
一個人到底該怎麼來評論魔獸世界這樣的一個東西?
你要去評它的娛樂性質還是它害死多少人?
因為算一算失去的工作時數+被忽略掛掉的小孩們
它應該跟大型的天災差不多

: But the release of the Cataclysm expansion seems like an obvious time for a
: retrospective, in that I firmly believe it is the reason absolutely fuck-all
: else came out in December. Actually, that's not true; there was Tron:
: Evolution and Mario All-Stars. Oh, well! Do they know it's Christmastime?!
: So, World of Warcraft, also known as WoW, as in "wow, I can't believe it's
: been that long since I last had a wash."
可是大災變出來感覺似乎是個回顧的好時機
因為十二月其他屁東西都沒出
咦不對  還有創  跟馬力歐群星
他們不知道這是聖誕節嗎 = =

所以我們來談魔獸, WOW, 或是 "WOW難以置信我這麼久沒洗澡了"

: Over the Christmas period, I decided to use my annual small injection of free
: time to level a character as far as I could. And you little motherfuckers
: better appreciate this, because hanging yourself on Christmas day is slightly
: less depressing than spending it playing World of Warcraft. My original
: intention was to use the time to get up to level 85 and see all the areas,
: and maybe for an encore I could eat an entire mahogany dining table. In the
: end, I could only make it to 60, but that would do. That was high enough to
: acquire a flying mount so I could fly over low-level Alliance areas and blow
: raspberries. Because what kind of loser plays Alliance? Honestly. Since the
: Blood Elves joined the Horde, they don't even have the excuse of having the
: hottest chicks anymore.
聖誕假期間  我決定用我這每天一小段的空檔時間來升一隻腳色
然後你們這堆小雞掰們最好對我很感激
因為在聖誕節上吊自殺只比在聖誕節打魔獸更悲哀個那麼一點點
我原本是準備用這時間衝到85級然後看所有的新區域
然後可能安可表演順便吃一整桌(聖誕大餐)
到最後我只到了60級  可是也差不多夠了
我可以買一隻飛行坐騎然後飛過所有低等級的聯盟區域跟他們吐舌頭
因為哪種失敗傢伙會去玩聯盟啊
說真的  自從血精靈加入部落之後  連"聯盟有辣妹"這種藉口都沒了

: In theory, anyway. I've always thought it a bit odd that the male orcs,
: trolls, and undead are all hunched, twisted monsters and the females are all
: basically just discoloured human hotties with bad dentistry. I mean, come on,
: trolls have tits? Do they breastfeed their kids while their tusks are coming
: out? They'd gouge out their fucking lungs!
至少理論上是這樣啦
我一直都覺得怪怪的  為什麼男性的獸人食人妖跟不死族都是駝背的怪物
然後女性都只是變色的人類辣妹  然後加上一點爛牙齒
真的  食人妖怎麼有胸部啊!?  他們在小孩在長牙的時候哺乳嘛!?
小孩長獠牙出來會把他們肺部刺穿吧!?

: I may have given some subtle hints in the past that I've played WoW before.
: Subtle hints such as an entire fucking book published by Dark Horse available
: on Amazon. Buy now, beat the rush. Way before all your newfangled Burning
: Crotchsades and Wraths of the Bitch Queen, I leveled an undead mage up to
: level 58 in vanilla, caffeine-free World of Warcraft over the course of about
: three months, during which I was about as productive as a dead dog nailed to
: an armchair. So now will be a good time to see how many changes have occurred.
我可能在過去有讓人感覺我玩過魔獸
例如他媽的一整本Dark Horse出版的書在亞馬遜上可以買到 (Mogworld)
早買早享受唷
在你們玩這堆三小難燒的圓針跟嗚喵王之奴之前
我花了大概三個月升了一隻58級不死法師
在這三個月中我基本上生產率跟一隻釘在椅子上的死狗差不多
所以現在算是回頭去看有多少改變的好時機

: Quite a few. You'd almost think there'd been a cataclysm of some description.
: There's a jungle in South Barrens that wasn't there before, the Thousand
: Needles appear to have pissed themselves, and, lest we forget, there are two
: new races to play as: goblins - hauntingly reminiscent of the Ferengi from
: Star Trek, right down to the huge ears, but then what doesn't have huge ears
: in this fucking game - are technocratic profiteers who get to start off
: driving rocket cars around a steampunk funland, while the worgen are big,
: hairy cockneys who get to run around one of World of Warcraft 's 93 forests.
: Honestly, fuck the Alliance.
改變還滿多的  可能還會覺得有些啥大災變發生過
barrens南邊出現了一個之前沒在那邊的森林
千針石林好像拉尿了在自己身上
而且別忘了有兩個可以玩的新種族
有哥布林  (詭異的類似星際爭霸戰裡面的Ferengi  連大耳朵都很像
可是說真的在這爛遊戲裡什麼沒有大耳朵?)
是一堆高科技的奸商們  一開場就可以開火箭車在蒸氣遊樂場裡亂跑
然後還有狼人  一堆大隻長毛的倫敦人  在魔獸的一大堆森林裡面晃啊晃
真的  聯盟真的很雞掰

--
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◆ From: 122.117.48.180
→ vendock:後半我不想翻了  好累 ==   去寫報告去
→ pocky0511:只看的懂fuck the Alliance.
推 ronlai:South Barrens -> 南貧瘠
推 loya1981:聯盟真的很____
推 funky1987:Free Bird超屌XDD
推 zip00000:文中提到的創 "光明戰紀"我覺得不好看...
推 kuarcis:他講的是TRON的電腦遊戲