Shadows and Lies Ch 6

[Kurako (夏維)]

Yuu Yuu Hakusho

Shadows and Lies

by Sionna Klassen and Kristin Huntsman

Chapter 6

There's a pain
A famine in your heart
An aching to be free...
                --Depeche Mode, "Halo"

        Kuwabara looked out the window at Kurama and Yusuke talking,then
turned away. There was nothing he could do about it; Kurama was going to
ask Urameshi to help kill him. It was inevitable.
        <Shit,> he thought, without fury. Without any emotion at all, in fact.
        He walked slowly through the house, weighed down by the events
of the past few days. He barely noticed as he passed the open door to Yusuke
and Kurama's room that Hiei was sitting in there, doing nothing.
        A few steps later, he stopped and backtracked. He looked around
the doorjamb at Hiei, warily.

        Hiei's back was to the door, and while this was against his general
principles, he knew that there was nothing here that could hurt him. At
least - not while Kurama was awake. He stared moodily at the floor. The remains
of Kurama's plants were still in a pile outside the house, totally lifeless
after being chopped to pieces by an over-enthusiastic Kuwabara, and aside from
a few dark spots where the wood had absorbed blood - mostly his - and the
small holes in the wall from the blades of grass Kurama had thrown, there was
no sign that there had ever been a battle.
        The memory of Kurama looking at him, silently begging for an end
to his life, flashed before Hiei's eyes, and he closed them. He wondered if
he would have been able to do it in cold blood. Killing someone in battle
was nothing new to either of them, but killing someone without fighting
them...Especially when it was a friend, particularly a good friend... What made
it worse was that Kurama knew this, that he'd asked anyway, and that they
both knew why.
        Hiei hated his weakness, now. He and Kurama knew, far better than
Yusuke and Kuwabara, what was happening. If it was just Kurama's body that
would die, then it wasn't that bad. Or if the shadow merely _displaced_ his
soul, sending it out of his body. But instead, it was destroying it. Once
Kurama died, it would be over. His soul would no longer exist. He would never
live again, would never be reincarnated into a new body. Except for their
memories, and the monster in Shuichi Minami's body, there would be no proof he
had ever even existed. Once a soul was destroyed, that was it. It was all over.
If Hiei had killed him, then his soul, at least, would have been assured of
another life, even if he lost all of his memories and they would never see him
again.
        <Why is this happening?> he thought. <Kurama doesn't deserve this. Of
the four of us, he's probably the best. I've known him for six years,and he
does _not_ deserve to die. There has to be a way that we can separate that
shadow from him... But how?>

        Kuwabara stepped into the room. "Hey, Hiei," he said. "Are you okay?"
        Hiei ignored him, deep in thought.
        Kuwabara began to grow angry. "Hey!" he said roughly. "Don't ignore me!"
        "What do you want?!" Hiei demanded.
        "You're worried about Kurama, aren't you?" Kuwabara asked,surprised.
Hiei wasn't even trying to insult him.
        "I'm trying to think," Hiei said. "It's something you wouldn't know
much about."
        "You--!" Kuwabara said, drawing his arm back to swing at Hiei. The blow
stopped just short of Hiei, though, as he realized that Hiei wasn't going to
move. He paused for a second.
        "You're really worried about him, aren't you?" Kuwabara asked quietly,
drawing his fist back. "I can understand why."
        "Hn," Hiei said. "What can you understand about me?"
        "More than you think, maybe," Kuwabara answered. He walked over to the
window and looked out. "Kurama's outside with Urameshi right now. He's probably
asking him to help kill him."
        "He's already asked you?" Hiei said, more stating a fact than asking a
question.
        "Yeah. And you, too, I guess," Kuwabara said. "Did you see what's
inside of him, yesterday?"
        "When Yusuke hit him with the Rei gun?" Hiei asked. "I saw it."
        "What is it?" Kuwabara asked.
        "A vampire," Hiei replied. "A parasite. It's feeding on his life
force, killing him."
        "And it's what keeps making him attack us, so that he thinks it's
either him or us," Kuwabara said bitterly.
        "There has to be a way..." Hiei muttered to himself.
        "What was that?" Kuwabara asked, turning to him.
        "Nothing." Hiei vanished.
        "Damn youkai!" Kuwabara swore.
        <Idiot,> Hiei thought from the roof. He looked over to where Kurama
and Yusuke were sitting in the meadow. He could clearly hear their conversation
from where he was, and if he started to think about what Kurama was asking of
Yusuke, he would get depressed. <There must be a way to separate that damn
shadow from Kurama...>

        "Hey," Yusuke said, sitting down next to Kurama. "You okay?"
        "Yeah, I'm fine now," Kurama said. He paused, frowning. "For now."
        Yusuke hesitated. "Kurama," he finally said, "About what I did
yesterday..."
        "You did what you had to do," Kurama replied. "So don't apologize for
it. I should be the one saying 'I'm sorry.' I nearly killed all of you."
        "Hey, don't worry about it," Yusuke said. "It's not your fault,and we
all know it."
        "Yeah, but it still shouldn't be happening," Kurama said bitterly. "I
should be able to stop it. I shouldn't have to worry that the next time I wake
up, I might find any of you dead."
        He paused, thinking. "Did you notice the power level I went to?"
        "Yeah," Yusuke answered. "Your highest as a human. If it figures out
how to get you to shift to your youko form..."
        "You'll have to kill me," Kurama finished softly. "Even if I have next
to nothing, now, if it can get me to switch bodies, then I'll have more than
enough to kill the three of you. The moment when I'm between bodies will
probably be your only chance."
        "Dammit," Yusuke growled. "There has to be a way out of this!"He flung
himself back down on the grass in frustration and stared at the sky.
        And noticed something was wrong. "Hey...Kurama," he said slowly."The
sky..."
        "Yeah, it doesn't shade. The same color blue through the entire thing,"
Kurama replied. "Wherever we are _isn't_ the Ningenkai, but an imperfect copy."
        "Talk about adding insult to injury," Yusuke said. "If they're going
to put us here, they might have at least _tried_ to get it right!"
        "Yeah." Kurama said, smiling slightly. He looked at Yusuke, and the
smile faded. "Yusuke..." he said quietly.
        "Look, save it," Yusuke told him. "We'll find a way out of this,all
together, or not at all."
        "You can hurt it," Kurama said softly, looking down at the grass in
front of him. "You can hurt me."
        "You want to talk about it?" Yusuke asked.
        "It's becoming a part of me," Kurama answered. "It's binding itself to
me. I know it's trying to kill me, and it'll probably succeed, but it's trying
to convert me, too. I have thoughts sometimes, now..." he paused, as if unable
to finish.
        "What?" Yusuke asked.
        "I know what it wants," Kurama whispered. "I can see it in my thoughts.
It thinks about killing the three of you, about escaping from this place and
going to where there are more to feed on...It thinks it with my mind."
        "It's not you, Kurama." Yusuke said, turning his head to look at his
friend. Kurama was still looking down at the ground, and the expression on his
face was pure pain and self-hatred. "You're strong enough that it can't control
you."
        "It'll have to kill me first," Kurama said, not looking up. "And it
probably will. Except that I don't think there's a whole lot of 'me' left in
me, anymore. It shouldn't take too long until I _am_ dead."
        "Kurama..." Yusuke said, unsure of what else to say.
        "Can you do it, Yusuke?" Kurama asked, looking up, across the meadow.
His eyes were  distant, and Yusuke had the feeling that for once Kurama didn't
even see the forest. "Can you kill me, when it comes down to it?"
        "I don't know," Yusuke answered.
        "I asked Kuwabara, too," Kurama said slowly. "And I made him promise
to take my life, if there's a need. But I don't know if his Rei sword can kill
the thing inside of me. I don't think it can. You're the only one who can hurt
it. Will you promise me, too?"

        Yusuke watched Kurama carefully. Only his body was human, now.The rest
of him had reverted to being a pure fox spirit. It wasn't something that
happened too often, and Yusuke wasn't sure how he felt about it. <Can I do
this?> he asked himself. <Can I make this promise to him and keep it?>
        "I..." he said slowly, "I promise."
        "Thank you," Kurama said. His voice was distant, but Yusuke could sense
the enormous relief that he was feeling. Yusuke wasn't sure how he should be
feeling about this, either. He was promising one of his best friends that he'd
kill him, but it was a matter of his pride and Kurama's. Their honor. That
damn word had so many meanings for both of them...
        He was slightly startled as Kurama stood up and started walking back
to the house. "Hey, where're you going?" he asked.
        "To make my peace with my life," Kurama answered, pausing. "And I want
to write a letter to my mother, explaining some things. I think I saw some
paper. Will you deliver it for me?"
        "Hey, I thought this was all still theoretical!" Yusuke exclaimed,
sitting up. "We can still find a way out of it, right?"
        Kurama turned to look at him. Yusuke couldn't be sure, from this
distance, if it was just the light reflecting off of Kurama's eyes, or if he
was seeing tears. "I wish I could think so," Kurama said softly, before
vanishing into the house.
        "He's dealing with this rather well," Hiei commented, landing next to
Yusuke.
        "He didn't ask you to kill him," Yusuke said, unsurprised by Hiei's
sudden appearance.
        "Yes, he did," Hiei replied. "I wouldn't do it, and then you
interrupted by calling for dinner."
        "He's going to die," Yusuke said angrily, turning his head to look at
Hiei. "The three of us are probably going to have to kill him. Don't you feel_
anything_?"
        Hiei turned sharply away, but didn't move otherwise.
        "...Hiei?" Yusuke asked, puzzled.
        "Do you think I want him to die?" Hiei asked. "He was my first friend,
my best friend. Do you really think I want to help with this any more than you
do? But there may be no other choice."
        "Hiei..." Yusuke said quietly.
        "Don't criticize my way of dealing with it," Hiei said. He flashed
upwards, and vanished.
        Yusuke knew Hiei was still around, somewhere, but he also knew better
than to try and look for him. He was somewhat surprised that Hiei had let so
much of his emotions through, but the more he thought about it, the more sense
it made. Hiei was losing his best friend. Something like that would get anyone's
mental defenses.
        "Dammit!" he swore, pounding his fist into the ground.

        Kuwabara stood at the edge of the meadow, staring at the trees. He
glanced back toward the house, remembering Yusuke's earlier angry words. But
Kuwabara knew he was right - what good was sitting around the house going to
do? Kurama was _dying_, and none of them were doing anything about it. Not even
Hiei, his so-called "best friend." Determined, he set off into the forest,
walking quickly to get out of sight in case Yusuke came looking for him.
        As he passed a tree, liquid shadow started to drip from the lower
branches, forming a pool of solid blackness at the base of the redwood. Then it
slithered after Kuwabara, making no sound as it glided over the carpet of
redwood needles.

                                *       *       *

        Kurama knew that he couldn't keep going on the way he was. The more
time that dragged on without enough sleep, the weaker his body became, less
able to fight the thing inside him...But if he slept, he knew it would control
him again. It was a no-win situation.
        <Damn.> Kurama rubbed his eyes, feeling a headache threatening. He
looked up as a shadow fell across his face, blocking out the sunlight. "What is
it, Hiei?" he asked.
        "Have you seen Kuwabara?" Hiei asked, frowning.
        They heard an angry yell from somewhere on the other side of the house.
"I think he's with Yusuke," Kurama said, smiling slightly.
        "Hn." Hiei sat down next to Kurama. They both stared at the forest for
a moment, neither speaking or looking at each other. Then Hiei looked at Kurama
and said quietly, "You stayed up all night again, didn't you?"
        "I have to," Kurama said, still facing the trees. "You know that.
Besides, you told me to sleep during the day, remember?"
        "And you're not doing that either," Hiei said. "How long can you keep
this up?"
        "I was just wondering that myself." Kurama curled his legs up and
rested his chin on his knees. He shrugged slightly. "I'll keep going on as long
as I can, I suppose...since I don't seem to have any other choice." He added,
with a hint of bitterness, "Since you can't kill me..."
        Hiei stiffened, then looked at him for a long moment without saying
anything. Kurama gave a short bark of laughter, but it had no humor to it. "Not
that it matters. I'm going to die anyway, so what difference does it make?"
        Hiei stood abruptly. "Stop it."
        Kurama realized what he was saying and buried his head in his arms."I'm
sorry - I don't know what's wrong with me--" He broke off and mumbled into his
sleeves, "No. That's wrong. I do know."
        Hiei paused, thinking. "It's not you..." he started, but Kurama cut
him off.
        "But what _is_ me?!" he cried desperately, looking up at Hiei like a
wild animal trapped in a cage. "I can't get this thing out of my head! It's
changing my thoughts - I can't even tell where I end and it starts--"
        "It's not you," Hiei said with absolute certainty.
        Kurama faltered, stumbling to a mental halt in the face of Hiei's
perfect confidence. He smiled weakly. "Thanks," he said softly.
        Hiei nodded shortly and vanished again. Kurama sat by himself in the
grass. The sun beamed down on the meadow, but completely failed to warm him.

        Yusuke plunged his fist into the wood of the tree. Not that the tree
itself had done anything, but he needed something to vent his frustrations on.
He was best at dealing with situations that required immediate action,
preferably the kind that would allow him to fight somebody. He was no good at
this long, drawn-out stalemate. There was nothing he could do to fix the
situation, and he knew it, and it made him feel utterly helpless. He hated
feeling like that.
        He wasn't the type to go around hiding his feelings, either. He left
that to Hiei. But he didn't want to bother Kurama, so he had gone to the edge
of the woods, as far as possible from the house, to vent his anger on an
unsuspecting tree.
        The tree was looking much the worse for wear by this time, with large
portions of the bark and trunk missing. Yusuke landed one last blow and tried
to pull his fist back, but it seemed to be stuck within the wood.
        Yusuke yanked hard, and suddenly his wrist came loose from the tree -
but his hand was covered with some kind of black goo that stretched in thin
strings from the tree to his hand. It felt cold against his skin. He stared at
it in horror for a long second, then drew frantically on his reserves of power.
        "_REI GUN_!"
        The tree and the shadow burned away into dust under the enormous
onslaught of power that exploded from Yusuke's finger.
        Yusuke looked at his hand, but all traces of the shadow thing had been
vaporized. He fell to his knees in the grass and gulped air gratefully, sweat
trickling down the side of his face.
        "I know you like to vent, but don't you think that was taking it a
little far?" Hiei asked cynically from behind him.
        Yusuke looked at what was left of the tree - essentially a burned stump
reaching to the impressive height of an inch off the ground. "How would _you_
like it if a shadow tried to eat your hand?" Yusuke retorted.
        Hiei looked at the tree. Then he bent closer and inspected it
carefully. "Hn. No rings."
        "What?" Yusuke stepped forward and looked at the stump. Hiei was right,
there were no growth rings inside the tree. "Yet another example proving that
this isn't the real world," he said.
        "What's real?" Hiei asked cryptically, then vanished again.
        Yusuke knew it was useless to try and find Hiei or to get him to
explain. That didn't make it any less frustrating, though. He turned around and
started walking back toward the house.