› 精華區beta joke 關於我們 聯絡資訊
作者ntcpe27 (帽子)
看板joke
標題Re: [耍冷] 有一天母螳螂氣的回頭跟公螳螂說
時間Sat Mar 23 22:05:16 2013
從前有一隻公螳螂跟一隻母螳螂， 他們兩隻是從小一起長大的青梅竹馬，感情很好。 有一天，母螳螂突然對著到她家來找她的公螳螂說： 「我媽已經幫我訂了一門親事，你以後別再來找我了」 公螳螂聽了恍如晴天霹靂一般，但又不肯接受這個事實。 仍是每天守候在母螳螂的家門口，關心她的每一件事情， 獵來她最愛的蚱蜢，編織她最喜愛的枯葉裝。 就這樣日復一日，母螳螂的態度依然冷淡， 距離她所說的婚期也一日一日逼近，公螳螂終於下定了決心。 就在母螳螂結婚的前一天，母螳螂出門去準備婚禮所需要的東西， 沒想到出門一過轉角，就被矇住了口鼻，昏迷了過去。 等她清醒時，發現自己居然被強暴了，而犯人正是那隻青梅竹馬的公螳螂， 此刻四肢無力的騎在她的身上。 母螳螂哭了，她流著淚問他：「你為什麼要做出這種事情？」 「因為我愛妳。」 母螳螂情緒崩潰，揮舞著雙鐮往地上猛砍。 「你知道不知道你到底做了些甚麼！」 「我明白。」 「不！你根本就不明白！」 「我明白。」 「我也是一直愛著你的阿！但我們是不能有結果的！身為一隻母螳螂，一交配完後， 我就必須把交配對象吃掉阿！！我不願意失去你！！」母螳螂歇斯底里的吼著。 公螳螂吃力地抬起頭：「我明白，我全都明白。」 「那你為什麼還...」 「因為我愛妳。」 「正因為我愛妳，所以我選擇了這麼做。要我看著妳與別的螳螂步入禮堂，我做不到， 只要一想到會有其他螳螂騎在妳身上，我比死了還難過。」 「所以，我只能這樣做。」 「吃了我吧，這樣，我們就能永遠的在一起了。」 公螳螂閉著眼睛，垂下他虛弱無力的觸角，靜靜等候死亡的降臨。 母螳螂抽蓄著，眼淚模糊了她的複眼。她沒想到，自以為是的溫柔， 卻是對公螳螂最殘酷的對待。 她顫抖著，一口一口地吃掉了奄奄一息的公螳螂。 她知道，完事後的公螳螂，是無法再活下去的了... 她緩慢地站起身子，感受到體內充滿了力氣，彷彿公螳螂正給予著她勇氣。 從樹蔭縫隙灑下的陽光，象徵著生命與希望。 「這樣，我們就能永遠的在一起了。」 母螳螂揮手擦乾眼中的淚滴， 然後她眼睛就被割傷了。 -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 61.227.179.14
推 SakurabaGoku:看在你是帽子 勉強推一下 03/23 22:08
推 k870357: .. 靠北喔XD 03/23 22:12
推 nvalue:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 22:13
推 pH5:他們忘記交配了 03/23 22:14
母螳螂已經被強暴了!!!
推 gn00399745:這個好好笑 03/23 22:14
推 XB:友好孝道XDDDD 03/23 22:19
推 satanpeace:XDDD 03/23 22:20
推 gunny2205:XD 03/23 22:20
→ RSoul:XDDDDDD 03/23 22:21
推 gungunit:靠杯笑了 03/23 22:22
推 hope399331:三小XDDDDD 03/23 22:22
→ gungunit:四樓也好好笑XDDDD 突破盲點 03/23 22:23
推 x56565656:有北爛到有推 03/23 22:24
※ 編輯: ntcpe27 來自: 61.227.179.14 (03/23 22:24)
推 usaresident:靠背阿XDDD 03/23 22:24
推 HeartBreaker:哪來的盲點啊XDD 03/23 22:25
推 RainCoffee:　　　　　　　　　　　哎呀！（瞎） 03/23 22:26
推 BeYaaaaaaaa:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 22:26
推 sul3vu86:好靠北 03/23 22:26
推 Connec:幹XDDDDDDDDD 03/23 22:26
推 Qmou5566:有笑欸 03/23 22:28
推 namcp:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 22:29
推 venvendoggy:靠北喔XDD 03/23 22:29
推 EucalyDog:XDDD 03/23 22:30
推 papaya123:1哈 我一直看成蟑螂 03/23 22:31
推 koreansuck:xdddddddddddd 03/23 22:32
推 sniper2824:很煩ㄟ!!!!!! 03/23 22:32
推 MotleyCrue:XDD 03/23 22:34
推 izual:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 22:34
推 johnyang:XDDDDDD 03/23 22:34
推 azen:笑點原來在後面 XDDD 03/23 22:35
推 Bagwell:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 22:35
推 tony86069:XDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 22:35
推 liaon98:結局不錯XD 03/23 22:35
推 ilyvonne:god dang it! 03/23 22:37
推 Cerberus5:靠杯...前面是啥鬼 03/23 22:37
推 joey89116:XDDDDDDDDD有好笑 03/23 22:38
推 s8910139:超好笑 03/23 22:39
推 eddy50811:文藝推 03/23 22:39
推 jyrpg:看到擦眼淚有猜到 不過還是很好笑XDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 22:41
推 howard1110:是在溫馨什麼啦 03/23 22:42
推 yesman2210:e04 哩金謀寮ㄋㄟ 03/23 22:46
推 kimimskimi:靠杯喔 XDDD 03/23 22:46
推 lzylzy123:超好笑xDDDDD 03/23 22:46
推 Jarcat:XDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 22:46
推 ms0561188:XDDD 03/23 22:46
推 maerdimer:XDDDDDD 03/23 22:46
推 fakeayumi:讓我好好感動一下不行嗎??什麼最後一句嘛QQ 03/23 22:46
推 winner27:........................ 03/23 22:50
推 pololo61201:靠北喔XD 03/23 22:50
推 minstay:XDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 22:51
推 nokid:把我的眼淚還給我ㄚ E04 哈哈哈哈哈!!!!!!! 03/23 22:51
推 upu:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 前面很感動欸 03/23 22:52
推 yst8577:結局是啥鬼啦 03/23 22:53
推 Dducky:XDDDDDD 03/23 22:54
推 emon27927:內牛滿面推~ 03/23 22:54
推 Ruruto49:結局超靠杯ＸＤＤＤＤＤＤＤＤＤ 03/23 22:54
推 OPI99:xD 03/23 22:56
→ ThreeNG:把我的眼淚還給我 Q□Q 03/23 22:56
推 terrence000:有笑有推 03/23 22:57
推 hero770624:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 22:58
推 s0857168:你後面要補上寓意 這樣就能發到FB上了 03/23 22:58
推 LoCKeR941010:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 22:59
推 valley7788:XXDDDD 03/23 23:01
推 bernon:你想了多久啊 03/23 23:02
推 freedom1124:噴了 03/23 23:02
推 io45for222:XDDDD 03/23 23:02
推 caferice:XDDD 03/23 23:03
推 soga0309:XDDDDDDD 03/23 23:03
推 magan0117:靠北喔XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:04
推 cabii:靠杯歐~ 03/23 23:04
推 Michaelpipen:XDDDD 03/23 23:04
推 lithaimo:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:05
推 noitcidda:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:06
推 cup0226:XD 03/23 23:06
推 chia3120:有笑有推 03/23 23:06
推 LionaSax:以後後面要說FB哏。 03/23 23:08
推 yingsiou:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 什麼東西阿 03/23 23:09
推 Zeroyeu:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDd 03/23 23:09
→ sed99975:哈哈哈哈 FB文 03/23 23:09
推 sing4520:幹這三小 03/23 23:10
推 ristvakbean:XDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:10
推 poncn8513: 03/23 23:11
推 momocatonly:XDDDDDDD我眼睛也好痛喔 03/23 23:11
推 tovshang:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:11
推 hivgay:後勁 03/23 23:12
推 tp950016:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:12
推 fggdog:靠邀 笑噴 03/23 23:13
推 zaq1qwer:XD 03/23 23:13
推 eric830322ok:是螳螂噢!我從頭到尾都看成蟑螂=___= 03/23 23:14
推 Dducky:推樓上= =我看完整個系列文才發現是螳螂不是蟑螂.......... 03/23 23:14
推 OHLALALALA:你跟fleeaaa一樣有說笑話的天分 03/23 23:15
推 l87278101:結局神展開啊XDDDDDDD 噴笑XDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:17
推 lordder:哈哈哈好靠北 03/23 23:17
推 leemt:結局超展開XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:20
推 doledo310:有笑推 03/23 23:21
推 featherable:看到複眼我就笑了... 03/23 23:21
推 airwaves06:有笑有推 03/23 23:22
推 YuuKei:XD 03/23 23:24
推 wolfking623:XD 03/23 23:24
推 acentric:好...好感人喔 03/23 23:24
推 eji108: 03/23 23:24
推 Jackwin:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:25
推 Badonkadonk:我很入戲誒= = 03/23 23:26
推 duane:朝聖推XDXD 03/23 23:26
推 Deesu:超煩Xdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd 03/23 23:26
推 thund:好讚XD 03/23 23:26
推 amy29585028:無言 03/23 23:29
推 sunnykai:心情正好超悶，看完後笑的很舒暢，大推 03/23 23:29
推 mic741852:搞啥阿XDDDD 03/23 23:30
推 lolic:沙小拉xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:30
推 rabbit7630:XDDDDDDDDDDDDD好溫馨 03/23 23:30
推 steve8130477:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:31
→ openbestbook:就可已死 03/23 23:31
推 ted40905:死得真好 03/23 23:32
推 AAAdolph:還以為是變雙眼皮XD 03/23 23:33
推 ILPHYS:小小小XDDDDD 03/23 23:34
推 p56805:太屌拉~ 03/23 23:34
推 wangmytsai:結局三小啦XDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:34
推 wenroujason:你好懂喔 ㄏㄏㄏㄏㄏㄏ 03/23 23:34
推 s92228:這是FB文體吧XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD\ 03/23 23:35
推 kusoyaya:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:37
推 houchungqq:文筆不錯推 03/23 23:38
推 kissz1z2:我覺得看成蟑螂的比較好笑XD 03/23 23:39
推 qscxz: ＮＯＴ　ＢＡＤ！ 03/23 23:40
推 fly0609:這什麼超展開啦XDDDD 03/23 23:41
推 becausemusic:XDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:42
推 dingding45:靠盃 03/23 23:43
推 Freeran:靠杯喔XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:43
推 aggressorX:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 很久沒有這麼溫馨的笑話了 03/23 23:45
推 mabikerry:結局是殺小拉XDDD 03/23 23:45
推 to3906:怎麼沒來個角色設定XDDD 03/23 23:46
推 Adadadadada:我也看成蟑螂....看完推文才發現看錯 03/23 23:46
推 kyshiaw:畫面獵奇！ 03/23 23:48
推 iversonj:這結局 XDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:52
推 akon84023:殺洨啦XDDDD 煩耶= = 03/23 23:52
推 kingxyzt:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:53
推 pH5:居然被強暴了!! 03/23 23:55
推 forlorn1127:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/23 23:59
推 BrightPeak:眼睛好痛 03/23 23:59
推 al0313:幹 最後一句超靠杯XDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 00:03
推 windguess:XD 03/24 00:03
推 JOJOttt:哈哈哈哈哈這超好笑XDD 03/24 00:07
推 Spontania:快笑死了XDDD 03/24 00:07
推 Neilhere:我才在想說蟑螂為什麼要吃頭~XD 03/24 00:11
推 EricXD:靠杯逆喔幹XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 00:15
噓 a5889774:噓你害我噴了一口茶... 03/24 00:17
推 xxx128328776:XDDDDDDD我笑了 03/24 00:17
推 Del2000b:XD 03/24 00:19
推 djyunjie:Triple 梗 03/24 00:23
推 agi1357:XD 03/24 00:25
推 heaventear:看到推文才發現是螳螂 想說奇怪蟑螂也會吃交配對象喔 03/24 00:25
推 owlman:靠北喔XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 00:26
推 dolls3969:佩服你的想像力 03/24 00:27
推 shi21:XD 03/24 00:27
推 taco20:那黃雀呢? 03/24 00:31
推 samhou6:靠背XDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 00:32
推 lateboy:基掰 03/24 00:32
推 oberdi:靠~~我居然有畫面 03/24 00:35
推 lolucky531:最後是怎樣XDDD 03/24 00:36
推 Liumi:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 00:38
推 a784572000:XDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 00:38
推 james41015:靠盃喔 03/24 00:40
推 KingInTea:三小 03/24 00:41
推 hsnurabbit:.................................. 03/24 00:45
推 ww123654789e:笑了 XDDDD 03/24 00:49
推 halsutine:干 XDDDD 03/24 00:51
推 vi000246:我還在想最後一句怎麼來的 原來是倒數第二句 03/24 00:52
推 xxx22088:笑死我..... 03/24 00:52
推 pigmoo:笑到沒力 03/24 00:56
推 Number41:XD 03/24 00:58
推 z124a:推 為啥不用刀背擦xd 03/24 01:01
推 blackman5566:靠北喔XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 01:02
推 CFfisher:靠www 03/24 01:02
推 adairchang:靠北XDDDDDDDD 03/24 01:06
推 GaryFeng:靠杯喔XDD 03/24 01:12
推 ElvesDaniel:北七XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 01:27
推 ttesing8990:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 01:42
推 nightisright:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 01:46
推 kevinfu619:飛天螳螂快用刀背攻擊!! XDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 01:50
推 odin0204:超北爛哈哈 03/24 01:52
推 hank11235813:.... 03/24 02:01
→ catherine9:四樓比較好笑 03/24 02:05
推 sodawang:幹XDDDDDDDD 03/24 02:12
推 Ianduck:幹XDDD 03/24 02:18
推 Ricrollp:神結尾 03/24 02:43
推 virmigac:酷XDDDDDDDDD 03/24 02:53
推 noneforyou:XDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 03:23
推 rabbit0531:哈哈哈哈 03/24 03:23
推 a20351:你鋪梗鋪這麼久幹嘛XDDDD 03/24 03:25
推 willie1987:殺小 完全不搭阿 03/24 03:34
推 yc44:Haha 03/24 03:59
推 iloveben75:靠北喔 03/24 04:26
推 a19870329:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 04:41
推 t29326601:原來不是FB文ww 03/24 05:41
推 Comebuy:幹 XDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 07:05
推 space20021:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 07:50
推 kerbi:LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!!!!! 03/24 08:18
推 cub:一直想到鐵線蟲 03/24 08:31
推 chi800117:XDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 09:21
推 awind:我一直看成兩隻蟑螂XDD 03/24 09:25
推 danny50414:看到鐮刀才發現是螳螂 03/24 09:42
推 lonlife99:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 10:17
推 pomelo017: XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 10:30
→ zeta731115:只有我看不懂嗎.... 03/24 10:32
推 Harute:靠北喔 03/24 10:36
推 a2698022:有笑有推XDDDDDDDD 03/24 10:46
推 jennydyj:靠杯....XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 10:56
推 lingling0000:文藝螳螂 XDDDDDDDD 03/24 11:02
推 dnkofe:XDDDDDDD 03/24 11:12
推 KJFC:割出雙眼皮 03/24 11:27
推 s913065:XDDD 03/24 11:31
推 walkingstick:靠杯XDDDD 03/24 11:39
推 jtseng1126:三小啦XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 11:46
推 zukidelko:然後他就有雙眼皮了XDDD 03/24 11:49
推 riversbest:XDDDD 03/24 12:01
推 david28941:超靠杯XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 12:09
推 genius851126:XD可以喔 03/24 12:37
→ allnun:靠北啦XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 12:49
→ duo751111:XDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 13:03
推 adobeteru:XDDDDDDDDDd 03/24 13:34
推 g1409:鋪了三頁的梗XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 13:36
推 johnny1300:XDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 13:37
推 bowxrk:不推不行~XD 03/24 13:41
→ mark786110:你大猩猩喔!!XDD 頗有銀魂的FU 03/24 14:04
推 friendever:不錯看喔XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 14:06
推 FoxQ:XD 03/24 14:20
推 chiulove:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 14:36
推 checcc:我一直以為是蟑螂看到推文才知道是螳螂 03/24 14:45
推 Allenk:把感動還我！！！！ 03/24 14:53
推 k8123kevin:有效友推 03/24 16:14
推 klinmmm:靠北喔 XDDDD 03/24 16:31
推 dclxvi:告杯喔XDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 16:59
推 pchome282000:超好笑 03/24 17:31
推 linlin24:蟑螂!!!!!!!!XDDD　　　　　　　　　　　　　原來是螳螂 03/24 17:34
推 chungyiju:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 17:39
推 l17:看成蟑螂+1 03/24 17:58
推 zzxxzz:靠北喔XD 03/24 17:58
推 theeeht:朝聖推 03/24 17:59
→ lucas01:不好看 03/24 17:59
推 jingyesi:靠邀喔XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 18:01
推 bbb55952000:假文青給推 說好的眼淚呢 03/24 18:07
推 xmy4725:靠北XDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 18:10
推 wowkg21:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 18:29
推 yufw1023:最後超讚!!!!! 03/24 18:32
推 brianboy:XD 03/24 18:36
推 m791226:哈哈 哈 03/24 18:47
推 ex951753:......... 03/24 18:57
推 together911:太好笑太好笑了 03/24 19:01
推 crazydomo:XDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 19:59
推 babaluu:XDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 20:28
推 tony77998:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/24 20:51
推 nekaki:結局還OK 03/24 21:35
推 cutemonkey19:XDDDD 03/24 21:55
→ qlinyuhn:哈哈哈 03/24 22:55
推 aven01:結局 XDDD 03/24 23:41
推 chris0629:XD 03/24 23:49
推 Yie:XDDD 03/25 00:03
推 Huberta:XDDDDDDDD 03/25 00:46
推 GGisme:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 03/25 01:39
推 cs9810931:XDDDDDDDDD 03/25 01:46
推 salqv:太哭爸了… 03/25 02:45
噓 dennisray:好笑在哪 03/25 02:56
推 dennyhgtfrd:靠北快笑死了XD 03/25 02:59
推 inntran:XD 03/25 03:06
→ i5063002im:很煩xdddddd 03/25 07:54
推 s1s2s3s4:溫馨 03/25 08:44
噓 a31906109:.......... 03/25 09:17
推 o0991758566:幹 後勁很強 看完過了好幾秒才笑XDDDDD 03/25 09:39
推 yenchen1994:nice 03/25 11:41
推 anyhowcrew:哈囉 !! 03/25 12:23