Unemployed Boyfriend
(Spoken:)
"Hi, this is Peggy, leave a nice message or I'll kill ya."
"Hey Peggy it's me...
You are never gonna believe what happened to me today:
I am sitting at the unemployment office,
waiting on my loser of a caseworker in one of those nasty chairs
and from out of nowhere this total stranger walked right up to me,
sits down, then leans over and says something like,
'This is going to sound a little obsessive...'"
This is gonna sound a little obsessive.
This is gonna sound a little bit strange.
I have one thing to say before I turn and I walk away.
This is gonna sound a little impulsive.
This is gonna sound a little insane.
I know you don't know me yet, but you and I, we will be together someday.
Someday...
I know I sound like I'm on drugs, but now listen to me when I say...
That ever since when I first saw you sitting on your car outside.
You asked for a cigarette, I couldn't stop staring at your eyes.
Ever since when I first saw you looking bored in that plastic chair,
with the lights of the office around you, those blonde streaks,
they look so pretty in your black hair.
You look cool and alternative with that disaffected stare.
Yeah, you want people to think that you just don't care.
Hey, you can be with me.
Yeah, 'cause I just might be the one who will treat you like you're perfect,
who will always make you come.
Yeah, you can be with me.
Yes, I will always let you win.
I will never be like those other guys,
I will never be your unemployed boyfriend.
(Spoken:) "Can you believe he said that to me?
To me, of all people!
I can't even remember the last time a guy took me out on a date
and actually paid for it."
This is gonna sound a little bit out there.
This is gonna sound a litle insane.
I keep having the same dream that you will be
the mother of my children someday.
Someday... I've heard you sleep with that obnoxious guy,
I know he is in that famous band.
You look so sad when you are with him.
Yes, I never see him reach to hold your hand.
Yeah, you can be with me.
Yes, I will treat you like a queen.
I will go to all those chick flick movies that I really don't want to see.
Yeah, you can be with me.
No, I will never let you down.
I will never make out with your girlfriends when I know you're not around.
Yes, you can be with me.
Yeah, I just might be the one who will treat you like you're special.
I will always make you come.
You can be with me.
Yes, I will always let you win.
I will never be like those other guys.
I will never be like those other guys!
I will never be your unemployed boyfriend
(Spoken:)
"Can you believe this?
I mean, can this be for real?
Then he takes my hand, writes down his number, and just walks away.
I mean... wow.
But you know, the weird thing is,
he's actually kinda cute in a really intense way...
kinda like Perry Farrell.
You know, intense, but sensitive.
Anyway, I told my bitchy sister about it and she just laughed at me.
I told her I'm really excited about this,
that I have a really good feeling about this guy...
I told her this could be the guy.
I'm like..
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