→ Jlo:還不錯,富有想像力 推 210.58.160.11 10/19
翻譯時稍微參照了PTT joke board amylord先生的大作，謝謝啦。
Day One
Ran forty miles across Rohan. No squirrels to eat. Gimli looking about
roasting size. Have been told dwarf tastes like chicken. Still not Kin
-g.
Stubble update: satisfactory.
第一天
跑了四十里路橫越洛汗。連隻松鼠都沒得吃。金靂看起來好像可以烤來啃，聽說
矮人的味道像雞肉。依然不是國王。
鬍渣保養日誌：令人滿意
Day Two
Ran into army of Rohirrim. Asked Eomer if he knew where hobbits were.G
-ot v. cagey answer. Perhaps Eomer still mad about that last bender I
wenton where I painted rude words in Elvish all over his horse. Decide
-d not to mention he has obviously copied hairstyle from Legolas.
He wouldn't be giving me this attitude if I were King.
第二天
碰到驃騎國軍隊。問依歐墨知不知道哈比族的下落，卻給我十分雞八的答案；大
概他還在為上次狂歡醉酒後我畫在他馬兒上的精靈髒話懷恨在心吧。決定不提醒
他那頭明顯抄襲熱狗拉斯的髮型。要是我是國王，他才不會給我擺這副架子。
Day Three
Once you've seen one pile of smoking dead Orcs, you've seen 'em all. T
-hat's all I'm sayin.'
第三天
只要看到一沱冒著煙的半獸人屍體，就知道他們死光了。這是我想說的。
Day Four
Ran into Gandalf. Turns out he did not actually die but instead was for
-ced by Balrog to sell out to laundry detergent company and is now Gand
-alf the Sparkly White. PR whore. Next thing he'll be charging for poin
-ty hat trick.
第四天
撞見甘道夫，原來他沒死，而是被炎魔強迫賣給洗衣精公司，而他現在全名叫
甘道夫.閃亮白袍博士。還有他要為尖尖帽把戲索費。
Day Six
In Edoras. King Theoden giving me attitude. He was all, "Are you King h
-ere?Last time I checked, I was King here. I'm lookin' around and I don
-'t see anyone else with a crown on his head. Eh? Eh?"
Was forced to admit I am indeed still not King.
In revenge, stole his wallet when he was not looking and used it to open
charge account at Gap of Rohan. Have bought matching poke bonnets for G
-imli and Legolas.
第六天
在洛汗王宮，希歐頓給我擺架子。他就是那副「你是這裡的王嗎？我才是這裡的
老大吧，我左看右看好像除了我以外，這裡沒人頭上有皇冠，嗯？嗯？」的臭屁
樣。
被迫承認我的確還不是王。
為了報復，趁他不注意時偷走他的皮夾在洛汗隘口拼命刷卡，幫金靂跟熱狗拉斯
買了很適合的寬前緣女帽。
Day Seven
Suspect Eowyn fancies me. Cannot blame her as stubble so manly is turning
even self on.
第七天
懷疑依歐雯被我煞到，實在不能怪她因為鬍渣太具男人味了連我自己都受不了。
Day Nine
Fell over cliff. Stupid wolves of Isengard. Think was rescued by Arwen but
when woke up was kissing my horse. Bit of a squick there. Have lost favori
-te sparkly necklace in river. Feeling v. petulant as there is no such thi
-ng as badjewelry. Well, maybe Ring.
Stubble update: wet.
第九天
掉下山谷，笨蛋艾辛格狼騎。正以為被亞玟救了，醒來卻發現我的馬在親我，
在那裡吐了好久。結果發現掉了最心愛的閃亮胸針，覺得很幹因為再也找不到
這樣壞的珠寶。ㄜ，也許魔戒算吧。
鬍渣保養日誌：好濕
Day Twelve
Triumphant return to Helm's Deep. Got hugged by Gimli. As if I needed to
bereminded that he is belt buckle height yet again. Necklace returned to
me byLegolas, yay! He muttered something in Elvish that could have been
"You're late"or could have been "Throw me down and shag me rotten." Not
entirely sure which. Must brush up on Elvish as do not wish to presume.
Still not King but too busy keeping up men's morale to brood.
Upcoming battle should be piece of cake, really.
第十二天
凱旋回到聖盔谷，被金靂擁抱。好像要提醒我他那矮得連腰帶扣子都碰不到的身
高。熱狗拉斯還給我失去的胸針，喔耶～。他用精靈語噥咕了一些好像是「你好
慢喔」但也可能是「把我推倒讓我數度失神吧」的東西。不能確定是哪一個，但
精靈的臉漲紅了好像要我不要再猜下去。
還不是王，但忙著激勵士氣，接下來的戰鬥想必非常簡單，真的。
Day Fourteen
Standing on battlements of Helm's Deep. Absolutely ridiculous number of
Orcs headed this way. Who are we kidding anyway. We are so fucked. Perh
-aps this place has a side door.
第十四天
站在聖盔谷戰鬥現場，天啊滿坑滿谷的半獸人正往這裡殺過來，我們到底在開誰
的玩笑，這下肯定要被幹爆了。希望這裡有個小門什麼的。
Day Fourteen, Later
Elves have sent army of most willowy and graceful warriors to assist us.
Will be no use at fighting of course but at least I will die looking at
something pretty. Theoden keeps muttering, "It's unbelievable!" about
elf army. Was forced to agree --it is unbelievable that Haldir's eyebro
-ws do not match his weave.
第十四天，稍後..
精靈們送來他們最婀娜多姿而優雅的戰士來幫助我們，當然一點屁用也沒有，但起
碼死前可以看到些漂亮寶貝。希歐頓不斷對著精靈戰士噥咕「這真是不可思議！」
不得不承認--哈爾德的眉毛跟他的衣服居然不配。
Keep trying to sneak out side door, but Gimli following me everywhere.
Will never be King at this rate.
一直試圖找機會從小門落跑，但走到哪金靂跟到哪。
照這樣下去我永遠別想當王
Day Fifteen
Unexpectedly victorious in battle of Helm's Deep, but celebration ruined
by obnoxious postcard from Faramir, which included picture of himself on
beaches of Osgiliath with tiny Ringbearer and fat companion, sharing a
pina colada and wearing colorful shorts. Postcard reads:
出乎意料的勝利，但慶祝馬上被法拉墨該死的明信片破壞，上面附著他跟小持戒人
還有那園丁肥仔在奧斯吉力亞斯海灘上穿著彩色涼裝共飲一杯水果冰酒的照片。明
信片內容如下：
Dear Aragorn,
Thanks for the Ring and the hobbits. They are small, but v. bendy. Just
whatI always wanted! Still have fond memories of that night we spent to
gether in Minas Tirith. Love and kisses, Faramir.
親愛的亞拉剛
很高興收到魔戒跟哈比人。他們是如此地小又富彈性，正是我所夢寐以求的啊！
我還記得我倆在米那司提力司共度那一夜的柔情回憶...
獻上我的愛與吻 法拉墨
God damn Faramir. Might as well just have let Boromir have the Ring and cut
out the middleman. At least I know Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
Still not King.
該死的天殺法拉墨，早知道就讓波羅墨拿到魔戒然後幹掉這第三者。不過起碼我
知道他要是敢輕舉妄動山姆會殺了他。
還不是王
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