斗室 ／秀陶
除了叫它“斗室”而外，從不曾想過叫它XX堂、XX齋、XX樓、或者XX菴。因為
它不過是我生息於斯所謂狗窩。就其寄生的作用而言，就如同烏龜殼般
一走進它我便覺得舒服。彷彿穿上了量身訂製的套裝一樣體貼，畢竟內中的一
切都是由我預設的。真是到處都有我，到處都是我。地毯上有我趾跡清晰的腳
板，椅子裡有我骨臀壓成的凹窩 (還是溫溫的哩)，杯子上有我的指紋唇印。
真是到處都是我，到處都是我的DNA
一走近它我便覺得妥貼，覺得安和而沒有恐懼，而且不再繁忙，全然沒有了壓
力。有的只是欣然的期待逸樂的意緒，就像是剛戴上保險套一樣
哪！牆上掛了些我喜歡的不值錢的圖畫，空中飄蕩著足以把別人都趕走的其
實一點也不古典的現代樂，也不知怎麼攪的，竟然竟然通通叫作古典，架上
羅列的多是些閒書(也不免有幾本板起面孔說大道理的)。它們都是待我寵幸
的三宮六院，今夜我可以隨意抽出一本或幾本帶上床
我的盆栽普遍說來都長得不怎麼好，主要的是由於他們受不了我那種飽一餐餓
兩頓的養育手法。它們就如同傻傻的老百姓一樣，只要不死，一切都只好逆來
順受
好多年來我一直都是用那種每張印了兩個月的掛曆。一個朋友今年送了一份每
天撕一張的這種。這下子可好了，這間斗室便常常過在外面那個世界的前一兩
天或者後三四天的時候……如同想把那個世界劃清界線不相往來似的
<My chanberette>
This is only name I ever used to call my place. I have never called it
any other name like most Chinese scholars do. They like to name their
dwelling as xx Bldg, xx House, xx Palace, not me. The relationship
between my place and me is similar to a dog and his pen or a turtle
and his shell.
As soon as I get in, I feel so much at home. I am as comfortable as
wearing a custom tailored suit. For everything there is prearranged
for me and for me only. You can say that everywhere has me or
everywhere is me. On the carpet, there are my footprints with clear
toe marks. There are pan-shaped concaves made by my hips ( there is
at least one still lukewarm ) in chairs. My fingerprints and lip
prints are on every cup as well. In one word, everywhere there is
my DNA.
As soon as I get in it, I feel peaceful and serene and free from a
nxiety, no longer bustling, no more pressure of any kind. What is
there is a sort of pleasure expectation, same like a person just put
on his condom.
Look, there are cheap reproductions of famous paintings on the walls.
There is contemporary classic music in the air the loudness can drive
people away. On the shelves there are my mostly pleasure readings
( a few of them put on jack faces try to be philosophical ). But
they are all there ready to serve me as maids of me imperial harem.
I can take one or several of them to bed tonight.
Generally speaking, my plants don’t grow well. Mainly because
they can’t stand my treatment of bursting feed one day and starving
the other 5 or 6 days. But there is nothing they can do. They are
just like people of certain countries, they can only take what is
given before they die.
For years I have used those bimonthly calendars. This year a friend
gave me the kind that you have to tear a page everyday. It made
this chamberette either a few days ahead or a few days behind the
outside world......as if it intends to alienate itself.
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