[創作] Scarlet Shoe of Glass

[PowLluimniz (波西米亞)]

 I'm afraid you've come to the wrong house.
 I've never seen a thing like that,
 such a beautiful thing, like that.
 I'd be terribly honored to try it on,
 though, still, I'm afraid I'm not the one you want.

 Good. My sister shall go first;
 She probably is that missing foot.
 Oh ---  (sister, are you alright?)
 We're sorry for the incident;
 She does not mean it. Is it okay?
 Me? But don't you clean it, my dear sirs?
 I can wait. It makes no difference.
 And obviously it seems my feet...
 Oh ---  (MOTHER, MY TOES!!)
 I am sorry. I cried too loud.
 It looks equally good when it's red.
 You're taking it away? But my foot's in it.
 Yes, you're right. Don't feel sorry for the mistake.
 Yes, they're mine. They look smaller than I thought.
 Yes, she's in the kitchen. Let me fetch her for you.


--

Welcome any criticism or discussion.

--
※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc)
◆ From: 140.112.194.17
※ 編輯: PowLluimniz     來自: 140.112.194.17       (04/13 13:04)
推 dale:╭────────────────╮
推 dale:│感謝您於本板發表作品！　　　　　├╮
推 dale:│　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　││
推 dale:│依《本板規章與注意事項》之第二項││
推 dale:│「賞善」篇，凡於本板發表個人創作││
推 dale:│者，得優文一篇，以茲鼓勵。　　　││
推 dale:│　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　││
推 dale:│　　　　　　　 ──poetry 板板主││
推 dale:╰┬───────────────╯│
推 dale:　╰────────────────╯
推 dale:好像有兩個童話故事當題材？（正努力解謎中……:D）
※ 編輯: PowLluimniz     來自: 140.112.194.17       (04/16 19:39)

> -------------------------------------------------------------------------- <

作者: dale (冰城城主) 看板: poetry
標題: Re: [創作] Scarlet Shoe of Glass
時間: Sat Apr 16 17:20:55 2005

I'll begin with the most trivial: I have read this poem
several times, and each time I find myself pausing in
the middle of line 1, i.e., right after "come"; I keep
feeling that it should be "have come" instead.

As for the content -- very exciting.  On first read, I
thought: "Yet another poem based on the over-wrought
fairytale," but it's not, and I couldn't have been more
wrong.

After a few reads, I saw something dark and sanguine
in the poem: you've tucked the motifs of self-deceit
and mutilation securely under a peaceful facade -- an
awfully good protest against the glass shoe before us
all!  I shuddered when I read, "It looks equally good
when it's red."

The mid-second stanza -- the exchange of conversation,
is confusing.  Which makes the poem more challenging
to understand (thence more interesting for the curious
ones, like me).  Still, spatial devices could be
employed to help display the logical outline.  Just a
thought.

I must applaud your control of rhythm, e.g., the way
the comma on line 3 ties line 2 and 3 together; and the
triplets at the end of the poem.  I look forward to
more devices like these.

--
╭─────────────────────────╮
│"There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by    │
│scorn."  -- Albert Camus                          │
╰────────────◇ http://distract.org/ ◇╯

--
※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) 
◆ From: 218.166.73.14
推 PowLluimniz:Thx for the feedback. I appreciate that.
推 dale:np, it's a good work.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------- <

作者: Chiwaku (我和世界不一樣) 看板: poetry
標題: Re: [創作] Scarlet Shoe of Glass
時間: Sat Apr 16 23:24:55 2005

※ 引述《dale (冰城城主)》之銘言：
: I'll begin with the most trivial: I have read this poem
: several times, and each time I find myself pausing in
: the middle of line 1, i.e., right after "come"; I keep
: feeling that it should be "have come" instead.
: As for the content -- very exciting.  On first read, I
: thought: "Yet another poem based on the over-wrought
: fairytale," but it's not, and I couldn't have been more
: wrong.
: After a few reads, I saw something dark and sanguine
: in the poem: you've tucked the motifs of self-deceit
: and mutilation securely under a peaceful facade -- an
: awfully good protest against the glass shoe before us
: all!  I shuddered when I read, "It looks equally good
: when it's red."
: The mid-second stanza -- the exchange of conversation,
: is confusing.  Which makes the poem more challenging
: to understand (thence more interesting for the curious
: ones, like me).  Still, spatial devices could be
: employed to help display the logical outline.  Just a
: thought.
: I must applaud your control of rhythm, e.g., the way
: the comma on line 3 ties line 2 and 3 together; and the
: triplets at the end of the poem.  I look forward to
: more devices like these.

Although I do not really understand the poem, still I really
love this piece. I am not very familiar with how to give
comments on poems, so I am just going to ask something about
it. I'd like to check if my interpretations have gone very
wrong or not.

1.Is the speaker one sister of Cinderella, according to the
  fairy tale?
2.Could I safely say that the sisters' feet are gravely hurt
  or, more astonishingly, cut?
3.I found the attitude of the speaker curious. I would think
  that it tries to show how people are willing to sacrifice when
  that carrot is hung dangling before them?
4.Is the last line "Yes, she is in the kitchen, let me fetch her
  for you." used to achieve a forboding effect? I guess that
  none of the two sisters believe that the shoes are going to
  fit her, and are both expecting the shoes to cut her feet as well.
  I feel the unnamable suspense when reading this line.


--
※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc)
◆ From: 140.119.199.139
※ 編輯: Chiwaku         來自: 140.119.199.139      (04/16 23:25)
推 PowLluimniz:yes, yes, and I'd prefer not to answer
→ PowLluimniz:questions concerning interpretation