推 Caspor:我花了..... 220.143.218.113 01/23
※ 引述《longface (天道恰似零分之零)》之銘言：
: ※ 引述《dontmind (沒書卷可以拼了)》之銘言：
: : 2004.04.25 中國時報
: : 愛因斯坦：真正知我者少之又少 晚年親密女友范多娃手記出刊
: : 尹德瀚/本報系專用紐約時報特稿
: : 范多娃的記載中透露了許多有趣的小故事，例如愛因斯坦在
: : 他七十五歲生日那天收到一大堆禮物，包括一隻鸚鵡；愛因斯坦
: : 把鸚鵡取名為「畢波」，他覺得畢波心情不好，於是常說一些冷
: : 笑話給畢波聽。
: 科學人》愛因斯坦的鸚鵡
: 【撰文╱米爾斯基（Steve Mirsky） 翻譯／鍾樹人】
: longface評論：其實我很想看這篇的原文；顯然譯者是超越語言隔閡的超級強者。
自己貼上來。看SciAm的網站的政策，這應該不致於侵權。
http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?articleID=00096C6C-54EB-10CF-94EB83414B7F0000
Einstein's Parrot
A great brain and a bird brain spend time together
By Steve Mirsky
In late April the Associated Press reported the discovery of a diary written
by a woman, Johanna Fantova, who was a close friend of Albert Einstein. "The
62-page diary, written in German, was discovered in February in Fantova's
files at Princeton University's Firestone Library, where she had worked as a
curator," the AP story noted. One fascinating revelation of the diary is that
Einstein received a parrot as a 75th-birthday gift. According to the AP,
"After deciding the bird was depressed, Einstein tried to alter its mood by
telling bad jokes."
Parrots can live for a century. In early May I may (or may not) have
encountered a parrot that may (or may not) have been the bird entertained by
Einstein. Speaking in German-accented English, the parrot recited a
monologue. What follows is a transcript of that monologue:
"How do I order beer in a bar? I say 'Ein stein for Einstein.' Hey, Parrot,
what's the difference between a wild boar and Niels Bohr? When I say that God
doesn't play dice, a wild boar doesn't tell me to stop telling God what to
do. I hate that. So what do you say to the man who developed the exclusion
principle? You say, 'Pauli want a cracker?' Wolfgang Pauli, get it? Hello, is
this thing on? Testing, one, two. Hey, Parrot, I had a dream where I made
love to Rita Hayworth for an hour. Well, for her it was an hour. For me, 35
seconds. That's relativity. Okay, Newton is standing on the shoulders of a
giant, and he says, 'Giant, how do I get down off you?' and the giant says,
'You don't get down off me, you get down off a duck.' I love that one.
Parrot, tell me, what is a Lorentz contraction? That's when Mrs. Lorentz
knows the baby is coming. It's a timed dilation, not a time dilation, get it?
Let's see, two guys walk into an h-bar. An H-BAR. If you knew any physics
you'd be on the floor, I swear. Uh, if Ruby Keeler married, uh, John Wheeler,
became a doctor and got a job in Vegas, she'd be Ruby Keeler Wheeler the healer
dealer. So what would people say if Paul Dirac fell on Jane Russell? They'd
say, 'Look at Dirac on Jane Russell.' Oh, they'd say it, trust me. Okay,
there are these twins, see. They're 20 years old. And one of them goes
zipping around the universe really fast while the other one stays on Earth.
The twin who was zipping around comes back, and he's maybe a year older, and
he goes to find his brother. And the brother is now 95 years old. And the
young twin comes up to him. The old twin looks at the young twin, and tears
come to his eyes. And the young twin says, 'Why are you crying?' And the old
twin says, 'I'm so happy.' And the young twin says, 'To see me?' And the old
twin, he says, 'Yes. The $100 you owed me when you left. It's now $100,000.'
From the compounding interest. Oy, these are the jokes, Parrot. What, you
don't like living in a cage? Yeah, try being the most famous man in the
world. I can't even go out for a haircut. You know, you're a good listener
for a parrot. Oh boy, it looks like you just did a Brownian movement. Good
thing I lined the cage with my cosmological constant proposal. That proposal
was my second biggest mistake. My biggest mistake was my proposal to my first
wife. Ba-dum-bum. Parrot, if you had a plastic deer on your lawn covered in
Christmas lights, turning them on would give you the faux doe electric
effect. Whaddya call it when Leo Szilard and Enrico Fermi pull up an anchor?
A chain retraction! Not so good? You should hear me play the violin. So Schroed
inger and Heisenberg are driving down the road, and Heisenberg says, 'Hey, I
think you just ran over a cat.' And Schroedinger, he says, 'Is it dead?' And
Heisenberg says, heh heh, get this: 'I can't be certain.' Okay, so the
smartest man in the world is talking to a parrot. Hey, Parrot, that's not a
joke, that's my life."
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