推 jouyuen:其實內容我覺得OK 重點是孩子在台上的表演要生動 去年我 02/17 12:51
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→ windygirl:謝謝你的建議^^y 02/17 14:59
大家好，我目前在一所小學代課．
我的學生（小五）在３月份要參加看圖說故事比賽，
我請他先自己寫寫看，他寫了，也請教過他補習班老師，
但我看了之後，還是有些地方覺得怪怪的，也有請教過其他老師，
後來我又自己修改了一下，但總覺得自己的作文不好，
麻煩請高手幫我看一下有沒文法怪怪的地方，謝謝．
文章如下：
<1>
Good afternoon, everyone. I am number（當天抽到的號碼）.I am going to
tell you a story I heard from my friend –David. Please look at this
picture. Here it is.
David is a ten-year-old boy. He is a chubby and strong boy. He likes
eating and feels hungry easily. Every morning his mother will give him
some pocket money before he goes to school. When he feels hungry, he
can use the pocket money to buy things to eat. One day in the afternoon,
he felt very hungry after school. Although David had a lot for lunch,
he still felt hungry after a long day at school. He decided to buy
something to eat, just at that moment, he saw a fruit stand. There were
all kinds of fruits on the stand, such as apples, watermelons, grapes,
bananas, and so on. He ran to the stand as fast as he could. He wanted
to eat them all, but he didn’t have enough money. He thought for a while;
then, he decided to buy a banana, which is his favorite fruit. After paying,
he couldn’t wait to enjoy his banana. “It tastes so good!” he thought.
He ate it while he was walking on the street.
After eating, he randomly threw the banana peel on the street. There was a
girl walking in the same direction behind David. She didn’t notice the
banana peel. She kept walking, getting closer to the banana peel, closer
and closer. ”Ow!” David heard the big cry suddenly; he turned around
and saw what had happened. He saw a girl tripping by the banana peel and
falling down. He ran to the girl and helped her up; he kept saying sorry
to the girl. He called his mom and the girl’s family to come and help.
After they went home, David’s mother told him that she wouldn’t give him
any pocket money for a week. Because of this experience, David did things
carefully, and he would always throw his banana peels into the trash can,
so no one would get hurt again. Thank you for your listening.
<2>
Good afternoon, everyone. I am number（當天抽到的號碼）.I am going to tell
you a story I heard from my friend –David. Please look at this picture.
Here it is.
David is a ten-year-old boy. He always wanted a slingshot. Although he had
asked his parents to buy it for him several times, they didn’t buy it. Not
until last Saturday, it was David’s birthday, and he got a gift from his
parents. He couldn’t wait for a moment and opened it right away. “Wow!
It’s a slingshot, which is what I want for a long time. I’m so happy.”
he said excitedly. He couldn’t wait to play with it, therefore, he told
his parents that he wanted to go to the park.
It was a sunny day. David enjoyed the sunshine in the park.When he wondered
around in the park, he saw a rabbit by the bushes. At that moment, an idea
camp to his mind, he said to himself,” Why don’t I use this slingshot to
shoot the rabbit? It must be very interesting. Hee, hee, hee……I’m so
smart.” he laughed.
David picked up a stone; put it on the sling, and prepared to shoot. He
took a deep breath and shot his stone to the rabbit. He heard the rabbit
cry and struggled by the bushes. Finally, it gave up moving and lying
there helplessly. David felt very happy and ready to shoot again. Just at
the moment, two children appeared, they asked David to stop shooting.
They are the rabbit’s owners. The girl ran to the rabbit and checked its
wound, and the boy angrily said to him, “ How can you do this? Don’t
you know ‘ Do not do to others what you don’t want to be done to you.’
Even they are animals, they still have feelings. If you are the rabbit,
how do you feel?” David felt ashamed after hearing what he said. He
apologized and promised that he wouldn’t do it again.
David called his mother to come and help. They took the rabbit to see the
vet. Luckily, the rabbit didn’t get hurt seriously. After having this
experience, he decided to throw away his slingshot, and take good care of
animals. Thank you for your listening.
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不屬於我的，本該不屬於我，再眷戀又有何用呢？
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◆ From: 220.138.50.137
※ 編輯: windygirl 來自: 220.138.50.137 (02/16 22:51)