Re: [情報] Johnny Baseball

[Nishizawa (Ayumu)]

※ 引述《sdc4589 (sdc4589)》之銘言：
: With the 837th overall pick in the 28th round, The San Diego Padres select SS Johnny Manziel from Texas A&M University!!!!!
: Padres是太無聊嗎 = =
: 話說Johnny Manziel高中棒球還打的不錯欸 #JohnnyBaseball

這件事還有後續


What follows is an exclusive conversation between Josh Byrnes, Mike Dee and Johnny Manziel. Don’t ask how I got it. This is all 100% true. Promise.

以下這則對話僅止於Josh Byrnes, Mike Dee 以及 Johnny Manziel
不要問我是怎麼得到的。這百分之百都是事實，我保證。

*Mike Dee enters Josh Byrnes’ office*
Mike Dee走進Josh Byrnes的辦公室
(Mike Dee 教士隊CEO, Josh Byrnes 教士隊GM)

Mike Dee: “Jesus Christ you’re playing Playstation again? Turn that off I want to talk to you about something.”
Mike Dee: 我的老天啊，你又在打PS? 把那東西關掉，我要和你商量一些事情。

Josh Byrnes: “Geez, dad, let me just finish this game of Madden.”
Josh Byrnes:拜託，至少先讓我打完這場比賽吧！
(Madden EA SPORT推出的美式足球遊戲)

*Byrnes loses 49-21*
Byrnes最後以49-21不幸敗北

Byrnes: “What do you want.”
Byrnes:你有何貴幹？

Dee: “Ok, so I was up late last night and came up with this crazy idea. It’s a little out of the box, but I think you’re gonna dig it.”
Dee:我昨晚開夜車，一個瘋狂的想法突然蹦出我的小腦袋。這也許超出計畫之外，但我認為你應該去做。

Byrnes: “If this is about the uniforms I told you I don’t fucking care.”
Byrnes:如果是跟球衣有關，我跟你說過了，我他媽的一點也不在意

Dee: “Dude I know. It’s not that. Chill.”
Dee:老兄，我知道啊，不是那件事，鎮定鎮定。

Byrnes: “Ok what’s your idea.”
Byrnes:好啊!有屁快放。

Dee: “Ok, remember when we had Johnny Manziel throw out the first pitch last year?”
Dee: ok,你記得去年我們邀請Johnny Manziel開球吧

Byrnes: “Not sure where you’re going with this but I don’t have anything better to do.”
Byrnes:我不知道你現在提起這個是要衝三小，我無可奉告。

Dee: “Imagine what the reaction would be if we drafted him! It’d be great publicity and we already have a picture of him in a Padres hat.”
Dee:想像一下如果我們選了他引起多大的迴響！我們可以得到很大的曝光率，而且我們已經有了一張他戴著教士球帽的照片

Byrnes: “Are you fucking high? No, shut up I’m not drafting him. Leave me alone.”
Byrnes:你他x的高潮了嗎？閉上你的嘴，我不會選他，讓我一個人靜一靜。

Dee: “Listen listen you’re not thinking this through. We’re gonna get mad retweets and likes. Everyone’s gonna be talking about it. We’ll definitely make Espn and probably Deadspin. There’s no downside.”
Dee:給我仔細聽好了，你想的沒我周到。選了他，我們會得到瘋狂的回貼和讚。每個人都會討論這個話題。我們絕對可以登上ESPN或者Deadspin的版面。利大於弊啊。

Byrnes: “Fine, whatever. I’ll draft him in the 40th round or something.”
Byrnes:無所謂啦！我會在第40輪選他

Dee: “Uh no. Take him before the 30th.”
Dee:不，在第30輪以前選他

Byrnes: “What fucking difference does it make anyway? You know what, I’m not doing it. How ’bout that?”
Byrnes:這他媽的有什麼差別？你知道嗎？這種事我不幹，你有意見嗎？

Dee: “How ’bout I’m your boss and the team you put together is playing like shit.”
Dee:我是你上司，有意見嗎？而且你組織的球隊現在打得跟個大便一樣。

Byrnes: “Dick.”
Byrne:切.

Dee: “Good, glad you’re on board.”
Dee:很好，我很高興你跟我站在同一線

*24 hours later*
24小時過後

Dee: “Get Manziel on the phone.”
Dee:快給Manziel打通電話

Byrnes: “Dick”
Byrnes:切

*ring* *ring* *ring*
鈴.鈴.鈴

Johnny Manziel: “Yeah what”
Johnny Manziel:有事嗎？

Byrnes: “Johnny, this is Josh Byrnes. How are you doing?”
Byrnes: Johnny，我是Josh Byrnes。你好嗎？

Manziel: “Um, ok I guess. Who’s this?”
Manziel:我想還不錯，你是？

Byrnes: “Josh Byrnes, Padres General Manager. Look I just wanted to call to congratulate you on being drafted.”
Byrnes: Josh Byrnes,教士隊的GM。聽著，我打電話是為了恭喜你被選上了。

Manziel: “Yeah, Cleveland’s whatever. I got a good hookup already so, yeah, I’m straight.”
Manziel:對啊，克利夫蘭的什麼隊。我預訂了一場美好的性愛趴。對了，我是直男。

Byrnes: “Well, I’m excited to inform you that we’ve drafted you too! Congratulations!”
Byrnes:嗯，我很高興通知你，我們也選上了你喔！恭喜！

Manziel: “Uh, cool thanks. I’ve never played hockey, though. Is that a deal-breaker?”
Manziel:酷耶，謝謝啦！不過我從來沒打過冰上曲棍球。沒得商量嗎？

Byrnes: “No Johnn-”
Byrnes:不…Johnn-

Dee: “Give me the goddamn phone. Johnny! Hey what’s up! Listen, this is Mike Dee, remember? You threw out the first pitch for us. We gave you a bunch of free shirt. C’mon, we had a great night!”
Dee:”把那該死的電話給我”。Johnny，你好嗎！聽著，我是Mike Dee，記得嗎？你幫我們開過球。我們送你一套免費的球衣。Come on，我們有過美好的夜晚。

Manziel: “Yeah sure. Look I have like four girls here, you mind getting to the point?”
Manziel:我瞭。聽著，我今天邀請了四個女孩，你不介意直接講重點吧。

Dee: “Hahaha that’s great. Ok so we’re gonna draft you, but it’s nothing serious. All you have to do is is send out a tweet. Nothing more. Oh, make sure to thank us in the tweet.”
Dee:哈哈哈，好極了。重點是我們選上了你，不過你不用想的太嚴肅。你唯一要做的是發出一則推特。就這樣，不會更多。噢，對了，記得在推特上感謝我們唷。

Manziel: “Ok, cool. Hey do you know how to spot syphilis?”
Manziel:酷喔！嘿，你知道怎麼樣檢驗梅毒嗎？

Fin

http://padrespublic.com/avenging-jack-murphy/a-very-important-conversation-sort-of/

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