dear diary

[ChenDao (陳到字叔至)]

dear diary

it been a while since i write to you

things.... well, have been different for me

like really really different

I slowly recognize who i really am

looking back at my older diary

and see how much I have grow from back then

it kind of pleases me

but it also kills me a little

I roll up and down

all night going back to the same thought

Why do we do anything we do, even if it is unpleasantly deadly

my answer to this was that

to a certain extent, maybe despite being mostly unpleasant,

there is an element of reward inside it

and that very element of reward drives us to repeat the same thing

but.... doesn't that means the halt of growing?

I mean... of course you can choose to stop growing

Growing up is painful,

and if you can't handle that pain

then why not just live miserably and blindly

if it is happy why break the bubble..

but that not how reality work doesn't it?

ironic, reality should be where all the real tough bullshit happens

but examining closely

you realize that reality actually is based off a series of coincidence

and once again it goes back to the same question

why do we do anything we do or think

I guess it for each one of us to ask ourselves

and each one of us to find it ourselves

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           C       HHHHH  EEEEE  N  N N  D    D  AAAAA  O    O
           C       H   H  E      N   NN  D    D  A   A  O    O
            CCCCC  H   H  EEEEE  N    N  DDDDD   A   A   OOOO

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