Day after day I kept waiting for her to lose interest.
But each day she had more and more energy and seemed to need less and less sleep.
She'd wake up at the crack of dawn, show up at my doorstep smiling, and excited to play.
It was amazing.
I felt so lucky to have her as a part of my life.
To be able to be involved in her life was a gift, and one I didn't take lightly.
My husband, Ben, had been very open with me from the beginning.
He would constantly make sure I was ok and remind me that I didn't need to be strong all the time.
(Tough love, right?)It was the first thing he said to me the night I told him we were having a girl.
He told me I was the one that needed to take care of myself so I could be a good mom.
He helped me so much in those early months, and I was able to grow into myself as a mother and a person.
We really had a nice bond.
He loved his little girl as much as I did.
Although I was getting stronger, I still had some problems with depression and anxiety.
Even though I was so grateful for my sweet new family, I felt that sadness that comes when you lose someone you love.
I was still dealing with the anger that I felt at myself and at my husband for not being able to give me a baby.
I often felt like I wasn't good enough, and I couldn't believe that I was at the place I was in life.
Even though I felt like the luckiest person alive, I still had moments of self - doubt and insecurity.
Motherhood wasn't always easy for me, and I felt a little lost.
Even after I got the guts to talk about my sadness to someone, and she gave me some great advice, I still struggled.
I wasn't sure how to keep myself busy, and I had no idea how to go on with my life.
There were a lot of tears, and my husband told me I needed to be checked into a hospital, because I was spiraling downward.
I tried to stop crying, but he was right.
I was sick.
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