Re: [請益] 英文自我介紹 改善

[softseaweed (Gladys von Wackenheim)]

整篇幫你改好了，懶得一個一個打

※ 引述《aihosea (我在彰化*吃肉圓)》之銘言：
:     英文寫作沒有很好，請大家幫忙改一下，謝謝
: Hello,

不要用Hello，改其他東西

還有信第一行不要用逗號結尾，請用冒號或句號

若這是作文的話你不應該把這個hello隔出來，請直接放到第一句裏面

Greetings,

: I would like to tell you a little bit about myself. My name is XXX.
: I graduated from XXX University with Chemistry bachelor’s degree in
: Chemistry.

I would like to tell you a little bit about myself. My name is ______,
and I graduated from ______ University with a bachelor's degree in Chemistry.

: I had worked at Kitchen for 1 year and 6 months in Australia.

Kitchen是機構名稱? 不是的話不要大寫

I had worked in Kitchen for one and a half years in Australia.

若kitchen不是專有名詞用這句

I had worked in a kitchen in Australia for one and a half years.

: As a kitchen hand, I must have to learn everything as soon as possible.

As a kitchen hand, I had to learn everything at the fastest pace possible.

: I had to prepare the food for chef, to move the stuff.

I had to prepare food for the chef, move items around, etc.

: 我要準備食物，搬貨物。
: Besides, I was in charge of order the stuff or refund the wrong stuff.

你這裏用besides的意義不明，還有不要用or因為你兩個都有做

還有直接用refund的意思是你要"收回東西並退錢給別人"，如果是你要退還訂錯的東西

那你應該要用像是request refunds

Also, I was in charge of ordering supplies and

(requesting refunds for / refunding)
                  看你選哪個
mispurchased orders.

: The reason why I choose the Working holiday in Australia is earning more
: money, knowing the different culture.

The reason why I chose the Working Holiday program in Australia is to

earn more money and acquaint myself with different cultures.

: 除此之外，我要負責訂貨退貨。我選擇澳洲打工度假的原因是，賺錢，體驗
: 不同的文化。
: I had worked at XXX as an assistant engineer for almost 2 years.

I had worked at _______ as an assistant engineer for almost two years.

: The job is about to clean the machine, measure the vibration of the machine
: and communicate with the Miss of assemble-line what is the proper time to
: maintenance.

你講machine大家會讀的霧煞煞，可以的話請說的仔細一點

The job was to clean the machines, measure their vibrations, and communicate

to the lady in charge of the assembly line on when to perform maintenances.

: 我在某公司當助理工程師兩年。工作內容是清潔機台，量測機台的震度，
: 和小姐交涉，在適當的時機，作機台保養。
: My strength is that I’m a fast learner, cautious and multi-tasking.
: I hope I can join your team.

My strength is in that I'm a fast learner, cautious while at the same time

able to multi-task.

I really hope I can join your team.

: Thanks for your listening.

除非你要講出來，不然不要用listen，用個萬用的

Thank you for your time.

就好，還有thanks有點太口語了，應該要避免

: 我的優點是學得很快，細心謹慎、可以多工處理。


我覺得這篇就算你用中文寫同樣的內容也會稍嫌太簡單

可以複雜一點或更有感情會好一點


--
推 a411112000:前幾天我熱水器壞掉，房東請人來修
推 Roobamm:然後下午有敲門，我很自然的就去開門
推 k820:你也知道，在宿舍只穿一條____是很合理的
推 chshsnail:誰知道這麼剛好，那個修熱水器的大叔竟然帶著他女兒
推 nrtuzumaki:一起來。開門的瞬間我就看到那位小女孩快速地轉頭過去
推 MrPigYa:然後嘴巴吐出了 "阿..變態" 兩字。
--
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※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/Eng-Class/M.1437067794.A.564.html
→ allenh0728: 像簽名檔一樣複雜嗎？
推 joecrazy: 這裡的小姐 是operator嗎?
推 joecrazy: 科技業似乎偏向用calibrate這個字
calibrate是調整機器的精準度，像是把磅秤歸零這種

原po只是紀錄刻度而已，加上我不想動太多字，所以這樣修
※ 編輯: softseaweed (42.66.241.185), 07/17/2015 15:53:34
推 joecrazy: 我知道差別啊 只是fab裡很喜歡這樣用
→ joecrazy: 想說如果是講給同行的 好像這個字他們比較喜歡吧
→ joecrazy: 以前用measure結果裡面的人聽不懂
→ softseaweed: 呃 那比起calibrate我會用record
→ aihosea: 我怕太複雜的話，很難記得熟
→ aihosea: 面試韓商，結果突然要英文自介，嚇死我了
→ alisaya: one and a half year不必加s
→ softseaweed: 那要看你怎麼看year這個單字 兩種都有人用