[請益] 新鮮人英文自傳請益

[e455628 ()]

第一次打英文自傳
想請版上高手幫忙看看有沒有什麼問題 謝謝!

My name is OOO. I received my bachelor degree in Mathematics from
OOO University. In college period, not only did I understand a
mass of knowledge about math, but I also learned numerous computer languages:
C, Matlab, R, and so forth. I once took a course about Seminar on Practice of
Industry of Insurance. In this course, I visited a life insurance company.
Familiar with actuary and their daily jobs, cooperation with other
departments, I became impressed and interested in actuary. Therefore, I am
eager for becoming an actuary. Now, I have already passed exam P.  　

In my spare time in college, I had been a baseball team leader for one year.
It was a valuable experience and improved my ability of leadership because I
have learned how to ameliorate the performance of everyone and how to inspire
them to strive for the game by teamwork. In addition, I also participated in
OOO Club, a public-service club for Autism. Accompanying those
children is definitely not a simple task. However, when they grow stronger, I
think I have finished a meaningful work.

In order to become an actuary, I will keep studying for SOA exams and make every
effort to employ my professional knowledge to help accomplishing projects and
solving questions to benefit company, though I do not have too much
experience. Hoping that I can become mature efficiently, never be afraid of
arduous challenge, improving myself from frustration. After serving mandatory
military service, I can not wait to dedicate myself to insurance industry.

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※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/Eng-Class/M.1466238285.A.5CA.html
→ gentianpan: 2處。都在第3段。1. help 後習慣原形動詞。2. Hoping
→ gentianpan:  ~ 用分詞片語，在閱讀習慣上會去找主要句...結果忽
→ gentianpan: 然被句點斷掉了。。。
→ e455628: 沒注意到 謝謝!