[請益] Keep sentences short and simple秘訣

[Aminya007 (小惠)]

您好

現在在上一門英文課程
英文老師是說要把下面句子進行以下Rule
"Keep sentences short and simple in structure and use everyday words."
有沒有什麼祕訣和方向呢~~~
比較少遇到這類題目...QQ

1.This change will allow us to better leverage our talent base in an
  area where the developmental roles are under way and strategically
  focuses us toward the upcoming business system transition where
  systems literacy and accuracy will be essential to maintain and to
  further improve service levels to our customer base going forward.

2.It is of considerable importance for the author to bear in mind,
  in connection with the devising of a formal written document intended
  for information or persuasion, that the use of clarity in the selection
  of vocabulary and syntax will have a substantial influence on the document,
  particularyly in its asociation with the rapidity of interpretation and
  degree of comprehension.

大恩大德 感激不盡  <(_ _)>

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→ enonrick: 建議自己先試寫看看，再來問怎麼改進，訣竅就是，一件
→ enonrick: 事可以用三個字表達，就不要用五個字
→ wohtp: 其實這兩個句子很難改，因為作者鐵了心要用「有學問（誤」
→ wohtp: 的方法寫字
→ wohtp: 整句都是沒有意義的buzzwords連發，子句套越多層越好...
→ wohtp: 真的要short and simple，會改到連他娘都不認識他 (╯▽╰)
推 noruas: 改法很簡單..請仔細找贅字
→ noruas: 比如說 to better leverage our talent base in an area
→ noruas: where the developmental roles are under way
→ noruas: 不就是指 attract potential talents ?
→ noruas: 以及 to further improve service levels to our
→ noruas: customer base going forward 簡單說就是
→ noruas: improve customer service
→ noruas: 另外, This change其實就是後面的the upcoming business
→ noruas: system transition
→ noruas: 還有 strategically focuses us toward 就是 lead, guide
→ noruas: 以上是第一句..(應該都講完了!)
→ noruas: 第二句開頭It is of considerable importance...(至逗點)
→ noruas: 直接改成三個字: The author should
推 noruas: 後面的in connection with......or persuasion
→ noruas: 其實就是說 when writing
→ noruas: 另外, the use of clarity in.... vocabulary and syntax
→ noruas: 可改成 be clear on words and sentences