[請益] 可以幫我看看這篇作文嗎?

[fallmaple (go!fight!)]

題目：短篇寫作(20 分):請閱讀指示並依指示寫作。

In one of his articles entitled “What Leaders Really Do,”
Harvard Business School professor John Kotter argues that management and
leadership are different but complementary. He proposes, “Managers promote
stability while leaders press for change.” Do you agree with him or not?
If you do, elaborate on his argument.If you don’t, state your own.
In either case, be sure to use examples to illustrate your argument.

我的作文：
    I agree with John Kotter. Managers need to stabilize the business. Their
duty is to organize the employees to ensure the work could be done orderly,
efficiently, and nonstop. For that, managers should make rules, like an SOP
for the sales report.
    In the other hand, leaders press for change. Compared to managers, the
mission of leaders is to lead the company to the better place for the better
income. They have to consider how to create more and more chances to make it
 come true. If they also maintain the stability like managers, it's impossible
 to get it. Leaders have to think the new products, sale ways, and rules. If
they can not change the old things, it's difficult to attract new costumers and
 earn more money for the companies.
    Management and leadership are different but complementary. A successful
business often needs both for stability and change. Only by good managers and
 ambitious leaders, we could ensure the inner work to be done orderly,
effectively and quickly while the sale number could be higher and higher.

非常感謝不吝指教。

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推 noruas: 真慘....比小學生還差..
推 kee32: 我看開頭，想說寫很好咧，樓上幹嘛這麼嚴格？後來才知道，
→ kee32: 那些是題目指導語…建議原po找家教，你的狀況不是簡單幾句
→ kee32: 可以教完的。
推 gentianpan: 這應該是「作文」內容本身的問題，不是語言工具的問題
→ gentianpan: 讀完後，覺得還是沒有把leader 相對於manager 的差異
→ gentianpan: 論述講清楚，提到的leader 內容感覺還是在講manager
→ gentianpan: 而leader 自然會有「追隨者」是學習的榜樣，是模範...
→ gentianpan: 絕對不是簡單的創造賺錢的機會而已。要能成為學習對象
推 noruas: 建議從簡單題目開始寫,如 My Family, My Best Friend,
→ dunchee: http://tinyurl.com/haeboof
→ allenh0728: 倒數第二句照抄哦
→ allenh0728: 其實給參考文獻會讓你的作文更credible  但是那句是出
→ allenh0728: 自那個作者的論文裡。。。
→ fallmaple: 謝謝各位的指教，我會再努力的。
→ bbbtri: 1樓講話......
推 vincentman: 嗯…原PO要求指教，但有人是沒給什麼具體建議