[請益] 新鮮人英文自傳求批!

[s13541298 (oh yeah!)]

嗨 大家好!! 想要請大家幫忙看一下英文自傳~主要是放在人力銀行的履歷中!

看有沒有文法上的錯誤或者哪裡需要改進的~為了閱讀順暢有些有化名XD

My name is Cheng-Wu Jin and everyone calls me Jin. I received my bachelor
degree in Applied Foreign Language from PTT University.In college period,
I decided to serve as a Dormitory Self-Government Officer. It was a great
experience and overcame my fear of speaking in front of a big crowd. Because
I needed to help students understand dorm rules and held activities for the
dorms.

During my student years, I’ve had a few part-time jobs. For example,
I served as a waiting staff at local hotels. Working at the hotels gave me an
opportunity to practice my communication skills, especially with foreign
tourists. I also worked as a salesman at specialty shop. The way to deal with
customers and selling products are important things I have learned. For
example, keeping a smile and being passionate about the products and services
are two tips to treat your customers.

I sincerely hope that you will give me an opportunity to work in your
company. Thank you for your time and consideration.

謝謝大家的幫忙!

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※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc), 來自: 59.115.5.191
※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/Eng-Class/M.1474611534.A.3FC.html
※ 編輯: s13541298 (59.115.5.191), 09/23/2016 15:15:29
推 mrsianas: bachelor's degree
→ mrsianas: in applied foreign languages
→ mrsianas: and I overcame
推 mrsianas: (接上一句）because
→ mrsianas: hold activities for the dorm tenants.
→ mrsianas: college life
推 mrsianas: waiting staff? waiter
恩我一開始也是想寫說我知道的waiter~看到有人說waiting staff，以為要說這個比較好
→ mrsianas: clerk at a .... shop
→ mrsianas: I learned
→ mrsianas: keep smiling
→ mrsianas: treat your customers ....?
阿好像用your不恰當 是不是要treat the customers
這句是想表達"對待顧客的時候有以上2個Tips可以使用"
還是說要改成cope with customers 比較好嗎

因為有一直想來想去不知道要用什麼字眼比較好，怕用deal with 前面用過了~
主要是要呼應前面說的工作，我有學到這2個tips來面對買東西的客人~
→ mrsianas: Thank you.
Thank you. 這個是要改最後一段的嗎?後面的your time...都不用這樣嗎?
→ mrsianas: 只提出一些明顯文法錯誤，供您參考
真的很謝謝M大耐心地看完~受益良多! 我馬上來改~真的很謝謝!!!!
推 mrsianas: tips for dealing with customers.
→ mrsianas: work at your company
→ mrsianas: keep smiling and passtionate about ..
→ mrsianas: 要換cope with也是可以
好!!!我用cope with好了! 真的再次謝謝mrsianas大!!!!
推 alice78226: 第一句直接刪了吧！比較適合用在口語而不是文章。既然
→ alice78226: 是應用外語學院畢業的，把你的英文文法好好複習一下吧
→ alice78226: ！
恩謝謝a大的指點!~我文法真的蠻爛的，目前都有持續加強複習中!
身為應外畢業實在是有點丟臉QQ
※ 編輯: s13541298 (59.115.26.96), 09/24/2016 14:56:00
推 kee32: My name is Barry Allen, and I'm (停頓加重音) the fastes
→ kee32: t man alive.