[請益] 英檢中高作文批改

[jt910203 (aa)]

這是去年的題目

印象題目是受過更多教育機會的人是否能得到更多機會


然後寫出例子之類



下面是我的作文  麻煩請鞭策我

如果可以的話可以順便跟我講說要加強那些文法概念


謝謝各位!

Whether people receive higher education get more opportunities is a great
issue in today's society. In my view, I don't think this theory is right and
the followings are my reason. One reason is that people have their strengths
and advantages, but not only in academic. People's academic achievement
cannot represent their career path. The other reason is I know that many
people who receive higher education cannot figure out what the job they want
to do.
As for me, I was not good at studying. After graduating from college, I
didn't choose to enter a graduate school but did the job of the salesperson
in a car dealer until now. In my company, I found that I have a talent to
convince customers to buy expensive cars. After one year, I was promoted to a
sales manager and received a lot of chances to go our branches company in
American to learn more about management skills and take a series of training.
I hope that one day I can have my own business, and I think my achievement
will not be less than those whose degree is higher than me.


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→ femlro: In my opinion
→ nichiyoubi: in my view 和 I don’t think 意思重複。The other r
→ nichiyoubi: eason is I know that 的 I know 也是多餘的，這整篇
→ nichiyoubi: 很明顯是在描述個人觀點，因此 I think 這類描述是不
→ nichiyoubi: 需要的。
→ beabetterman: 別一直用初級的單字像是think good 句型都是I開頭
→ beabetterman: 沒有變化 要切中主題每段都要環環相扣
→ beabetterman: 每個句子要有緊密的關聯性 不要湊字 因為很明顯
→ beabetterman: 多用分詞構句跟關代可以改散你結構鬆散的問題
→ beabetterman: 基本的單複數問題就不要再錯了 主動詞要一致