[心得] The measure of success 成功的衡量

[biolenz (lenz)]

最近一期的科學雜誌有一篇關於學術人生的文章，
看了有點感觸，翻譯如下：

原文網址：
http://science.sciencemag.org/content/353/6294/94

The measure of success
成功的衡量

Melanie L. Blanchette
Science  01 Jul 2016: Vol. 353, Issue 6294, pp. 94
DOI: 10.1126/science.353.6294.94

When I was a Ph.D. student, a respected professor at our school had a
heart attack in his office and died. As he was whisked away to the
ambulance, I numbly watched familiar faces in the department succumb
to shock. I didn't know it at the time, but this deeply troubling
experience would shape my thinking about how to craft my academic
career after I faced my own life-changing illness. While I was a postdoc,
a sudden neurological disorder left me unable to walk, took my vision,
and held me in the grip of vertigo and crushing migraines. With the help
of a small army of health professionals, I began to improve. My brain
started compensating for the lost neurons, and my muscles learned to
fire again, but I don't know whether I will ever recover completely.
This harsh reality check has made me think seriously about why academia
promotes unhealthy work habits and how I can pursue the research I love
while also taking care of myself.

當我是博班學生的時候，我們學校一個受人景仰的教授心臟病發，在他辦公室過世了。
當他被救護車送走時，我面無表情地看著系上無助且受到驚嚇的熟悉的臉孔。我當時不
知道這深刻令人不安的經驗，會在我面對自身人生轉捩的病痛之時，形塑我對於我經營
學術生涯的想法。當我是博士後研究員的時候，突如其來的神經失調導致我無法走路，
奪走我的視力，我陷入了暈眩與頭痛欲裂的偏頭痛之中。藉由一個小型健康專業團隊的
幫助，我開始得到改善。我的大腦開始補償那些失去的神經元，而我的肌肉也學會了再
次活動，但我不知道我會不會完全康復。這嚴酷的事實致使我認真地去思考，為什麼學
術界促進不健康的工作習慣，也思考著我如何才能在追求我熱愛的研究之時也照顧到自
己。

“I … shed my prejudices about what a successful career looks like.”

「我...擺脫掉我對於什麼是一個成功生涯的偏見。」

Prior to my illness, I worked extremely long hours, sometimes even sleeping
in my office if I faced a deadline. I hoped that my hard-won achievements
would eventually be judged worthy of tenure. When I returned to work after
my illness—despite its severity, I took just 2 months off because of
dwindling sick leave, increasing medical bills, and no certainty of ongoing
employment—I fell back into the academic achievement trap. I spent all my
time working and worrying, and my health began to decline again.

在我生病以前，我工作極度超時，如果截止日期 (按：應是指學術論文的投稿或是研究
計畫的申請) 快到了，有時候我甚至睡在我的辦公室。我希望我得來不易的成果，最終
將會被評為值得授與我終生教授的職位。儘管我的病很嚴重，因為病假不足、醫療帳單
的增加、和不確定是否被續聘，我只離開了工作兩個月。生完病之後，當我回到工作，
我覺得我陷落到學術成就的牢籠裡頭。我花費了我所有時間來工作與擔憂，而我的健康
又開始走下坡。

But fear of a relapse made me question my actions and, ultimately, the
trajectory of my career. I thought about the professor who died. I thought
about a friend who left academia because the pace and environment had
negative mental and physical effects. I realized that my years in academia
had eroded my mental health. I didn't want to hurt myself permanently by
pursuing career advancement at all costs, but I didn't want to leave either.
So I decided to accept my physical limitations and—an even more diffcult
task—shed my prejudices about what a successful career looks like.

但是害怕復發致使我對我的行動與最終的生涯軌跡產生疑問。我想起那個過世的教授
。我想起一個身心因為研究生活步調和環境，受到負面影響而離開學術界的朋友。我
意識到我在學術界這些年殘害了我的心理健康。我不想因為追求生涯成就，而付出所
有代價，長年地傷害我自己，但我也不希望離開學術界。所以我決定去接受我的生理
極限，甚至接受一個更難的人生課題，也就是擺脫掉我對於什麼是一個成功生涯的偏
見。

Now, with the support of academic and industry mentors, I am building a
nontraditional academic path. I am still a university research fellow, but
my research into how mining companies can decrease their environmental
impact is funded by industry. For these funders, what matters more than
my publication record or the "prestige" of my institution is my creativity,
integrity, and ability to produce rigorous science that solves real-world
problems. I feel like a pressure valve has been released in my life, easing
the worries and long hours and allowing me to better manage my illness. And
I find applied research immensely satisfying. Watching nutrient-rich water
rejuvenate an acidic mine pit lake, I have seen that my work has value
beyond contributing to my h-index. Perhaps most importantly, I was well
enough to be there to witness it.

而今，藉由學術界與業界導師的幫助，我正在建立一個非傳統的學術途徑。我仍然
是一個大學研究人員，但我的研究被業界資助，著眼於礦業公司如何能減少他們對
於環境的衝擊。對於這些資助者，我的創造力、正直、與產出嚴謹科學的能力去解
決真實世界的問題，比起我的發表紀錄或是我的研究單位的「威望」要重要得多。
我覺得我人生的壓力閥好像被打開了一樣，緩解了的焦慮與長工時亦使我能更好的
管理我的病情。並且我發現應用研究能帶來極大的滿足。看著高營養水 (按：海洋
深層水之類？) 將酸性礦井回復生機，我目睹了我工作的價值超越了我對於我 h 指
數的貢獻 (註1)。

My illness made me think about my behavior and health in a way that I
hadn't earlier in my career. Now, when I'm tired, I rest—even if I'm in
the field. My actions and the direction of my career have surprised some
of my colleagues, who sometimes make off-the-cuff comments about my
"laziness." These hurt, but I know that I'm doing the right thing for
myself. I hope that others will also prioritize their personal well-being,
even if it means letting go of deeply held beliefs about what we are
"supposed" to do for our careers.

我的發病使我思考我的生活作息與健康，這是在我生涯早期不曾有的。現在當
我累了，我休息，即使我還在工作的興頭之上。我的行動與生涯方向讓我一些
同事感到驚訝，他們有時為我的「怠惰」給予即興的註解。這很傷人，但是我
知道我正在對我自己做對的事情。我希望其他人也將會優先考慮到他們個人的
福祉，即使這意指放棄深入人心關於什麼才是我們「應該」去為我們的生涯付
出的信仰。

According to the numbers, my chances for long-term success in academia
don't look great. Women and people with disabilities are underrepresented,
and belonging to both groups puts me in a particularly diffcult position.
But rather than focusing on what members of underrepresented groups need to
do to "adapt" to academic culture, we should be interrogating the system
itself, which expects all of us to work excessively at the expense of our
physical and mental health. Maybe we need new measures of success.

根據數字 (按：這裡應指量化指數)，我在學術界長期成功的機會看起來並不
高。女性與殘疾人士被忽視了，身兼屬於這個兩個團體，這使我處於一個特
別艱難的境地。但是與其聚焦於什麼樣的弱勢團體需要去「迎合」學術文化
，我們應該審問這個系統本身，這個期待我們以我們身心健康為代價，全部
投入過度地工作的系統。也許我們需要一個新的成功的衡量標準。

(註1)：h 指數 (h-index)，是一個由物理學家 Jorge E. Hirsch 於 2005 所提
出的一種個人化學術成就指標。有別於影響因子 (Impact factor) 是計算期刊
的影響力，h 指數藉由計算個人學術發表的被引用率，來計算個人學術影響力。
如一個研究人員的 h 指數是 10，表示該員有至少 10 篇論文被引用至少10 次。
雖然沒有把作者貢獻 (i.e. 作者名排序) 考慮計算進去，h 指數被廣泛使用於
學術界，作為個人評量或是升等的指標。Google Scholar 亦採用此指標。

[心得]

學術研究的發展趨勢就是量化。科學走到一個資訊爆炸的時代，凡事追求
量化，不再只是侷限於科學研究的目標本身。因為科學研究的行為本身也
是一種現象，於是人的行為也可以被量化。量化的結果或許能使得機會公
平、資源分配上公正一些，但過分追求期刊量化指標、個人學術成就指標
，人生變成了一堆數字，人生的意義與研究的本意也就扭曲掉了。只是現
在學術市場飽和，產能過剩，這樣子追求指標篩選以求省事的評量方法短
時間不會有所改變。

成功的人生是什麼？人生的目的是什麼？現在這麼努力，會不會只是在白
費力氣追求一個不可能會有的未來？在投入學術研究失去了人生的許多東
西之後，常常會想到這樣的問題，雖然我本來就一無所有。這篇文章是這
個不符比例過時工作與低報酬的學術界扭曲的市場下的一個小小縮影，也
是學界與人生中大大的問題。

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