推 TOEFLiBT100: 感謝分享 11/22 14:55
推 earnest: 推分享！例子很重要！ 11/22 15:49
推 arcadze: 推Rosa！ 11/23 00:33
推 sonne1419: 例子很容易太舖陳! 11/23 13:47
→ pinghang: 推推推認真與最美的顧問！ 11/24 18:42
大家好，我是SK2的Rosa，
常常有同學問我寫作24，要如何能夠再衝高呢？
其實，寫作要到達28-30分，要看你是否能夠瞭解ETS評分的思維，
當你能夠從讀者的角度看作文，避免最常見的寫作例子錯誤，自然能夠到達
28-30分。
今天不妨來做個小測驗，測試看你的邏輯思維以及對寫作的熟悉度，
你是否擁有考到30分的潛力呢？
以下我列出了托福寫作裡最嚴重的十大問題，假如你看得出來，代表你本身
邏輯很好，也具備考到30分的實力喔！;D
*以下練習，建議準備紙筆，也可以印下來方便練習，把你認為各段最主要
的問題寫出來，再比對文末的解答。
這是題目：
The government wants to improve the education of high schools, and
there are two following plans:
a. Choose a group of teachers and train them first, and then let
them go back to their schools and train other teachers
b. Train teachers online, with online materials and let them study
individually
接下來，你會看到立場、理由不同的十個段落，請試著寫下你認為各段最嚴
重的問題。
Problem 1:
First, when improving the education of high schools, the government
needs to control the budget, and an online training system can save more
money. For example, the government only needs to hire few professors
to record the online teaching materials. Moreover, the online materials
can be used unlimited times and the government does not have to spend
extra time to examine the materials. Therefore, training teachers online
does not only save money but also save time. On the other hand, training
teachers face by face need to more budgets for hiring the training
professors and renting the teaching space. In addition, the government
should pay for transportation of teachers. As a result, training teachers
face by face costs more money.
Problem 2:
Second, the government puts emphasis on efficiency but choosing a
group of teachers and letting them to train other takes longer time. For
instance, it takes a lot of time to train the selected teachers and more
time to prepare for teaching the other teachers. After their preparation,
the selected teachers have to spend more time training others. Consequently,
it needs a tremendous amount of time to finish the whole training process.
However, if the government chooses to do online training, all teachers can
study by themselves. That is to say, teachers don’t need to wait for
others to train them. Consequently, online training saves much more time.
Problem 3:
Third, some people say that learning through online system to
improve the quality of education is not effective. For instance,
when using the online learning system, the teachers might
encounter a lot of questions and have no one to ask. Moreover,
they might not be able to come up with the most correct
information when they teach. Therefore, they might teach students
out-dated information or even information which is down right
wrong. Yet, they can actually stop and replay the program anytime
they want so this method of learning online is actually quite
effective.
Problem 4:
Secondly, the government places emphasis on budget, but training a
group of teachers can not save more money. To illustrate, the
amount of the teachers are hundreds, the government has to find
the different or big places to accommodate them, and the rent of
space is a cost. Furthermore, to achieve the better outcome, the
government has to hold many courses or forums, and the lecture fee
is a cost too. On the other hand, if the government trains the
teacher with online materials, the government just need to set up
a website and pay the salaries for the group of the training
scholars and the network engineers. Obviously, training online can
save more money.
Problem 5:
Secondly, the government puts emphasis on their reputation but
training teachers online might decrease the government’s
reputation. To elaborate, parents admire teachers who were trained
in a face-to- face way on a regular basis in Taiwan. If the
government holds several training programs, the teachers can
absorb many practical knowledge from each other immediately on a
regular basis. Thus, the government will leave a great impression
on the participants and parents. However, if the government only
provides an online training, it might be difficult for the
teachers to figure out a better teaching technique. Hence, the
teachers might be annoyed and criticize the government severely.
Problem 6:
To begin with, the government cares about efficiency, and training
a set of seed teachers can allow the government to improve its
efficiency. Take my science teacher in elementary school as an
example. He was chosen in a six-month training program in which
his obligation was to learn the cutting-edge technology knowledge
in the United State and to teach what he learned to other
teachers in Taiwan. To be more specific, in the future, after the
program is finished, there will be over 35 well-trained teachers
in Taiwan with the up-to- date information. Hence, it is an
appropriate way to improve government’s efficiency.
Problem 7:
Furthermore, the government wants to save budget and to let the
trained teachers to go back to their schools and train other
teachers can help them do so. For example, every year, the
government in Taiwan sends 20 seed high school teachers to Germany
to learn how to facilitate students to learn by doing actual
tasks. Moreover, these teachers are required to train another 40
teachers in Taiwan when they are back. By doing so, the Taiwan
government saves 30 million New Taiwan dollars one a yearly basis.
On the other hand, if the government does not train this small
group of teachers, then it might have to spend billions of dollars
to hire more professional teachers or renovate the equipment and
facilities to improve the quality of education. Therefore, it is
not a smart method to save money.
Problem 8:
First of all, the government places emphasis on budget control,
and training teachers to improve the education of high schools by
using online materials can save a lot of money. When the
government uses Internet program to train high school teachers.
The government only needs to hire the experts once and records the
class then puts it online. And then the government does not need
to spend a lot of money printing the paper materials. So, training
teachers online can save more than one million. But If the
government chooses a group of teachers and trains them first. It
needs to pay the traveling fee and preparing lunch for the
teachers. The government needs to rent a place for the training
courses. Thus, it may cost 20 times more than training online.
Problem 9:
Finally, the government is always busy, and choosing a group of
teachers to train first needs a lot of time. Take the Taiwanese
government for example. The government has to take part in several
projects at 1 time. Also, the employees of the government need to
coordinate the time and booking the space for the course. What is
more, the government might not have six free months to finish the
training process, or the time needed to repeat the program year
after year. Therefore, if the government chooses to train a small
group of teachers, it would waste too much time.
Problem 10:
Secondly, when improving the high school education, the government
cares about the quality of the training. Therefore, if the
government designs an online program to train teachers using
online material and letting them be trained separately, it can
maintain higher training quality by using Youtube, GOOGLE, or
other apps. For instance, when government trains teachers online,
it provides standard courses. Moreover, every online course has
the same test to validate and monitor the training results.
Accordingly, all high school teachers are trained under the same
quality. On the contrary, if the government lets a group of
teachers trained first and go back to train others, some training
information may be transmitted incorrectly. In the end, each
teacher may gain different knowledge.
請看以下解答。
Problem 1: 2 ideas in 1 paragraph
Problem 2: 例子太抽象（沒解釋到）
Problem 3: 錯誤使用讓步段
Problem 4: 主題句沒目的
Problem 5: 例子順序
Problem 6: 例子太鋪陳
Problem 7: 反例logic
Problem 8: 不擅長使用轉折詞 & fragment
Problem 9: 例子焦點錯誤
Problem 10: 主題句太複雜
十個問題裡面，你看出來幾個呢？ ____/ 10
誠實寫喔！XD 接著，再看以下的分數分析。
1-4: 你寫作邏輯不清楚，不太熟悉托福作文在考什麼，托福作文成績大約
會落在20初，看來你是需要上課了（攤手）
5-7: 你對於寫作有一定的瞭解，而且時間掌控可以更好，寫作成績大約落
在25左右，但分數容易不穩，建議有空的話可以上課讓觀念清楚一些。
8-10：恭喜你！你是高手中的高手，邏輯清楚而且非常熟悉托福寫作的思維，
你擁有考到28-30分的潛力喔！即使不上課，靠自己自修，都能夠考到寫作高分喔！
其實，只要瞭解28分，30分的作文長什麼樣子，托福寫作評分官的思維，寫
作算是相當容易進步的一科，也是CP值很高的一科，只要透過比較、思考、
模仿就能夠不斷進步了。
如果你看不出以上的問題，建議你看
“寫作滿分的關鍵祕密：學會辨識低分例子”，
有分析到上述五個最常見的例子問題喔！
http://sk2toefl.blogspot.tw/2013/11/blog-post_25.html
希望同學能夠從準備考試當中，熟悉英文思維，培養對英文的信心，
祝每位同學寫作都28！
Cheers,
SK2 Rosa ^ ___ ^
PS 想瞭解更多寫作的好觀念嗎？十一月末我們邀請同學免費進班聽寫作，
有興趣的同學，請寄信至 [email protected]，
主旨[11/25 寫作免費進班聽]，內容附上中英文姓名。
11/25（六）9:30-11:00 獨立寫作
（Rosa分析評分官思維、傳授如何寫出清楚的主題句）
# 凡參加即贈送一次免費作文批改
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