推 pinghang: 推！！ 04/30 21:36
推 sonne1419: 很清楚! 04/30 21:41
大家好，
我是SK2的Rosa，
這週在臉書上分享了[托福寫作跟GRE/GMAT作文如何不同]，
影片連結：https://www.facebook.com/yaya.hsu.14/videos/10214894466742572/
但瞭解並非每位同學都習慣看影片，
因此，在此整理了這次分享的重點，希望能夠幫助到同學寫出高分作文。
我相信只要觀念通了，人人都是可以考到28分的！
接下來會談到這三個部分：
一、TOEFL寫作跟GRE/GMAT的不同
二、分析一篇作文實例
三、最常見的寫作（主題句、例子）問題
四、給正在練托福寫作的同學一些建議
一、TOEFL寫作跟GRE/GMAT的不同
GRE和GMAT考的是邏輯分析能力，但是托福主要考的是說服力。正因為兩個
考試的本質和原則是不同的，所以寫法也會有所不同。GRE和GMAT的作文常
常會兩邊都分析到優缺點、也會常用讓步段以及用上許多模板填充整篇文章
衝字數。但是托福寫作最重要的是選邊站，立場清楚、理由明確。因此，我
不建議同學在作文中使用讓步段。此外，也不需要使用過多的模板，或是為
了衝字數寫個五六百字。其實，由於托福寫作看的是說服力，所以只要寫抄
過300字並且言之有物就可以了。務必讓讀者清楚理解你每句話的功能。請
同學記住simple and clear這個寫作的最高指導原則。
二、找出作文問題並且檢視自己的弱點
既然了解了寫作原則—simple and clear，接下來，讓我們來看一篇作文
吧！以下這篇作文是三位不同的同學寫的，我把幾個最常見的問題集結成一
篇文章。請先找一張白紙，或是把以下作文印出來，仔細地挑出各段你發現
的問題。做完之後，再看後面的講解，這樣的學習效果是最好的喔！
題目：Cooperative ability is more important than leadership.
People often possess different perspectives on the issue whether
cooperative ability is more important than leadership. As for me,
I strongly contend that cooperative ability is indeed more essential
than leadership.
First of all, people place emphasis on the outcome, and good
cooperation can bring about positive results. For instance, when I
was preparing for mid-term exam in college, I was extremely scared
about economics. In addition, to defeateconomics, I grouped a
study team. Then, we cooperated on different topics of economics
and discussed the problem we met. Consequently, we all got high
score on the exam. However, if I studied on my own, I might not
have dealt with the difficulties I met. Hence, I might have failed
on the test.
Secondly, efficiency is the key for people to finish their job and
cooperative ability can save lots of efforts and time. For
example, when my father worked for the Taiwanese government ten
years ago, he always had difficulties proposing a new work plan
for the coming years. As a result, he worked overtime every week
to deal with it. However, when he started to work in collaboration
with others, he found that it is much easier for him to draft a
practical plan. To elaborate, he could have a brainstorming
session with others and therefore spark new inspirations. Besides,
he could discover his blind spots more easily by discussion and
hence avoid potential mistakes. Obviously, cooperation benefited
him so much that he no longer worked overtime.
Last but not least, the teamwork between nations provides each
other with advantages. For example, in 2011, Japan experienced
a severe earthquake, and this disaster left thousands of people dead
and damaged a great number of buildings. When the tragic news spread out,
the Taiwanese government volunteered to contribute big money and
resources to aid victims. Therefore, Japanese show more respect to
Taiwan, and Japanese had sufficient capital to rebuild homeland. On the
contrary, if Taiwanese government keeps silent without any action,
the Taiwanese might get less help when encountering difficulties.
In conclusion, since people are sometimes in need of others, it is
significant for people to cultivate the cooperative ability.
接著，讓我們來分析各段的問題。
Introduction:
第一個段落有明確的立場，沒有問題。
Body Paragraph:
第一個理由例子過於鋪陳、例子細節太少、也犯了反例邏輯的問題：
First of all, people place emphasis on the outcome, and good
cooperation can bring about positive results. For instance, when I
was preparing for mid-term exam in college, I was extremely scared
about economics. In addition, to defeateconomics, I grouped a
study team. Then, we cooperated on different topics of economics
and discussed the problem we met. Consequently, we all got high
score on the exam. However, if I studied on my own, I might not
have dealt with the difficulties I met. Hence, I might have failed
on the test.
首先，整段到倒數第四行才講到了cooperate，例子前提可再縮短，讓
cooperate的細節比例多一些。此外，cooperate可以換字成其他的概念，例
如：discussed, shared, listened to…, provided feedback, etc. 最後
反例應該要提leadership而非不cooperate結果會如何。整段可改成：
First of all, people place emphasis on the outcome, and good
cooperation can bring about positive results. For instance, when I
prepared for my mid-term exam in college, I grouped a study team.
At that time, we did research on different topics of economics and
discussed problems we met. Also, we shared our notes with each
other and provided feedback on each individual section of our
project. Consequently, we all got high scores on the exam.
However, if I was the leader of the group, then I might not have
been able to deal with the difficulties I met. Hence, I might have
failed on the test.
第二個理由：
此段有許多問題，主題句包含兩個概念，而且例子鋪陳，相關細節不夠。
Secondly, efficiency is the key for people to finish their job and
cooperative ability can save lots of efforts and time. For
example, when my father worked for the Taiwanese government ten
years ago, he always had difficulties proposing a new work plan
for the coming years. As a result, he worked overtime every week
to deal with it. However, when he started to work in collaboration
with others, he found that it is much easier for him to draft a
practical plan. To elaborate, he could have a brainstorming
session with others and therefore spark new inspirations. Besides,
he could discover his blind spots more easily by discussion and
hence avoid potential mistakes. Obviously, cooperation benefited
him so much that he no longer worked overtime.
主題句如果要談time，就不要談到efforts。例子裡面對於現況的描述太
長，可以直接闡述父親自從合作之後，如何增加效率，例子裡面每句話都要
提到時間或是高效率的詞。此外，不要無關的優點，例如：Besides, he
could discover his blind spots more easily by discussion and hence
avoid potential mistakes. 這句話與效率無關就不要放。
整段可改成：
Secondly, efficiency is the key for people to finish their job and
cooperative ability can save lots of time. For example, when my
father worked for the Taiwanese government ten years ago, he had
to often communicate with people from various departments and
fields. Once he started to work in collaboration with others, he
found that it takes him only 1 day to draft a practical plan. To
elaborate, he could use 2 hours to have a brainstorming session
with others and therefore spark new inspirations within no time.
Obviously, cooperation benefited him so much that he no longer
worked overtime.
第三個理由：
此段也存在著許多問題。首先，主題句沒有態度(important)就離題了，而
且主題句太空泛。
再者，例子無關、鋪陳且發散。同時，這個段落也有反例邏輯的問題。
Last but not least, the teamwork between nations provides each
other with advantages. For example, in 2011, Japan experienced a
severe earthquake, and this disaster left thousands of people dead
and damaged a great number of buildings. When the tragic news spread out,
the Taiwanese government volunteered to contribute big money and
resources to aid victims. Therefore, Japanese show more respect to
Taiwan, and Japanese had sufficient capital to rebuild homeland. On the
contrary, if Taiwanese government keeps silent without any action,
the Taiwanese might get less help when encountering difficulties.
主題句應該要先定義important，也要講清楚是什麼優點？擁有更好的形象
以及更多尊重？還是在危機時能夠獲得更多幫助？如此一來，例子才能夠句
句扣緊主題句，而不會講太多優點，導致讀者抓不到例子與主題句的關聯
性。最後，反例應該提到leadership而不是沒有幫忙會如何。
可改成：
Last but not least, it is important for people to gain reputation,
and cooperating can bring better reputation. For example, when
Taiwanese people learned that Japan experienced a severe
earthquake, people worked together on Facebook and other social
media to gather food and clothes. Furthermore, a lot of people
shared this tragic news with friends and family, and successfully
donated thousands of dollars to Japanese people. Therefore, after
the disaster, Japanese showed much more respect to Taiwan, and
Taiwanese tourists always received a warm welcome when they visit
Japan. On the contrary, if Taiwanese people had fought to be
leaders instead of teaming up, they might not have sent much
timely help. Consequently, the Taiwanese might have been severely
criticized by the world.
Conclusion:
一句不成段，應該改成兩句話。
In conclusion, since people are sometimes in need of others, it is
significant for people to cultivate the cooperative ability.
可改成：
In conclusion, it is significant for people to cultivate cooperative
ability. After all, people care about positive outcomes, efficiency,
and reputation.
三、最常見的寫作問題
三大常見的主題句問題：
a. 主題句離題
如果題目裡面有態度或目的的話，主題句就必須定義態度和目的，才不會離題。
＊想知道自己是否會離題嗎？
請看這篇文章 “你知道90%的同學，寫作都會離題嗎？”
http://sk2toefl.blogspot.tw/2010/05/90.html
b. 主題句包含兩個概念
一段只溝通一個概念。不同的概念可以於下個段落闡述。
c. 主題句太空泛
雖然主題句的概念不可太特定，否則不好發揮，但是也不可太空泛。
舉例來說：advantages的範圍太廣了，是哪方面的advantage？請講清楚。
三大常見的例子問題：
a. 鋪陳
例子要以改變的過程為主，而非闡述現況或是改變前的狀況。
b. 沒解釋到
例子盡量不要重複主題句裡面的用詞遣字，應用其他方式表達同個概
念，例如：想到cooperate，就想到discuss, work together, shared…，
此時，應該在例子裡面多用這類的字眼，不要重複使用cooperate這個字。
c. 反例邏輯
反例並非放個not就好，而是要看題目比較的是什麼？把另外一個選
擇當反例。
四、結語
假如你能夠在寫作時，避免上述主題句以及例子相關的問題，其實就很不錯
了，作文也會有一定的分數。最後，我建議目前正在練寫作的同學，不要急
著寫整篇作文，而是先了解寫作的評分方式，再練習寫出清楚的主題句、具
體的例子，還有學會檢視作文的好壞。具備上述功力後，再練習寫整篇作
文，不只更有效率，也能夠目標28分喔！
祝同學考試順利！
Cheers,
SK2 Rosa ^____^
PS 你想要學更多寫作的觀念嗎？想要了解怎麼看一篇文章才會快嗎？
歡迎同學參加明天下午舉辦的免費公開課，相信能夠對你有很大的幫助喔！
4/29（日）13:00-15:00 托福閱讀+寫作公開課（Rosa & Lia 主講）
公開課內容：https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/TOEFL_iBT/M.1524729246.A.FC4.html
快速報名連結：http://sk2toefl.blogspot.tw/p/blog-page_20.html
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※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/TOEFL_iBT/M.1524912914.A.E3F.html
※ 編輯: SKTWORosa (101.138.171.5), 04/28/2018 23:25:10
※ 編輯: SKTWORosa (101.138.171.5), 04/28/2018 23:26:14