作者LADKuo5566 (郭五六)
看板joke
標題[笑話] 一些英文笑話
時間Tue Sep 19 22:28:24 2017
A Bad News
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
the man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's
the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot call you yesterday."
---
AIDS
A man is dying for cancer......
His son asked him,
"Dad, why do you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS?"
Dad:"So when I'm dead no one will dare touch your mom......"
---
Three feelings
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
and panic is when both are pregnant.
---
Chinese Adam and Eve
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise,
because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake!
---
A Busy Patient
Patient: Doctor, I feel so weak.
Doctor: Okay, let me check.
Patient: What's wrong with me?
Doctor: You are physically exhausted. You need more nutrition.
Patient: How can I get enough nutrition quickly? I am a very busy man.
Doctor: Intravenous drip.
Patient: How long would it take?
Doctor: A couple of hours.
Patient: (Points to the intravenous drip bottle) May I drink it?
I can finish it in three minutes.
---
It Hurts Everywhere
A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every
part of her body hurt.
The doctor looked concerned and said, "Show me where."
The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, "Ouch!"
Then she touched her leg and screamed, "Ouch!"
She looked at her doctor and said, "See? It hurts everywhere!"
The doctor laughed and said, "Don't worry, it's not serious.
You've just got a broken index finger."
---
I hung him up to dry
Jim and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming
pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank
to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam
to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic
act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his
office.
"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're
being discharged because since tou were able to jump in and save
the life of another patient, I think you've regained your
senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself
with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom, he's dead."
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hund him to dry."
--
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噓 bill890528: 樓下翻譯 09/19 22:30
推 FeO: 不用翻了 保持神祕感就好 09/19 22:42
推 iamanidiot: I speak shit English 09/19 22:45
噓 DodiFed: ㄚ不就考古笑話翻成英文? 09/19 22:47
推 LeeAnAn: TheBusyPatient i don't understand. is drinking drip h 09/19 23:01
→ LeeAnAn: ilarious? 09/19 23:01
噓 YEEman: 看不懂啦幹 09/19 23:17
→ YEEman: 看到第三個就不行了 把老笑話反成英文就自以為很新? 09/19 23:18
→ Straw14: 整篇廢文我只看得懂adsl的部分 09/20 00:10
噓 yurmom: ？為啥不寫中文 又沒有英文梗 09/20 00:27
噓 KSHMRisNo1: 因為中文板會灰字 09/20 01:00
→ SunnyRain55: 不能用dying for cancer 09/20 13:33
噓 Peter5566: 抱歉笑不出來 09/20 18:11