[笑話] 一些英文笑話

[LADKuo5566 (郭五六)]

The Fourth Element

Teacher: What are the four element of nature?
Student: Fire, air, earth, and...and...
Teacher: And what? Just think it over, what do you wash your hand
with?
Student: Soap!

---

Twenty

In court a judge asked the witness, "How old are you? I mean,
really, how old are you? And remember, you're under oath so tell
the truth."

The woman replied, "I'm twenty one and some months."

The judge said, "Be specific: how many months?"

So she said, "One hundred and eighteen months."

---

More Intelligent in Dreams

When a student failed to solve a math problem in class, he expressed
his regret to his teacher.

"I remember solving the problem in my dream last night, but for
the time being I've forgotten it. What can that mean?"

It means that you are more intelligent in dreams than when you are
awake." the teacher explained.

---

An Unwelcome Honor

A doctor came into the hospital ward and say to Mr. Johnson,
"I have some good news and bad news for you."

Then Mr. Johnson said, "Please, give me the good news first."

So the doctor said, "The doctors here are going to name an incurable
disease after you."

---

Why are you late

Teacher: Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom: Every time I cmae to the corner, a sign says, "School - Go slow."

---

Two hunters

Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly
fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and
seemed to have ceased breathing.

The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the
emergency center for help.

The operator said calmly, "First, you should make sure that he is
already dead."

Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone
and next he heard the hunter asking, "What should I do next?"

---

An old couple's Quarrel

A couple of codgers got into a quarrel and came before local
magistrate. The loser, turning to his opponent in a combative
frame of mind, cried, "I'll law you to the Circuit Court."

"I'm willing." said the other.
"I'll law you to the Surpreme Court."
"I'll be there."
"And I'll law the hell!"
"My attorney will be there." was the cal reply.

---

It's not that

A: I saw seven girls share one umbrella and none of them got wet.
B: Oh, that must be very big umbrella.
A: No, it was not raining.

---

The idea of boss

When my printer's type began to go faint, I calle a repair shop
where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only
to be cleaned.

Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me,
it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and
try the job myself.

Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know
that you discourage business?"

"Actually it's the idea of my boss." the employee replied.
"We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to
repair things themselves first."

---

Find a girl just like your mother

No matter which girls he brought home, the young man found
dis approval from his mother. A friend gave him advice.
"Find a girl just like your mother - then, she's bound to like
her."

So the young man searched and searched, and finally hound the girl.
He told his friendly advisor, "Just like you said, I found a girl
who looked, talked dressed, and even cooked like mother. And
just as you said, mother liked her".

"So," asked the friend, "what happened?"
"Nothing," said the young man. "My father hates her!"

---

Crazy dirver

There is a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife
calls him on his cellphone and in a worried voice says, "Herman,
be careful! Ijust heard on the radio there was a madman driving
the wrong way on Route 280!"

Herman says, "I know, but there isn't one, there are hundreds!"

--
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噓 DodiFed: 洗錢
噓 YEEman: 看id就知道只是把中文笑話翻英文     不是的話再補推
推 awfulday: 第5個打錯惹，是came不是cmae
→ bill890528: 榨甘蔗辣多迪飛，你一直逃避欸
→ awfulday: 最後一個也打錯了，是Crazy driver
噓 zzyzxwyzen01: 美國早餐店笑話
噓 ed78617: I read all these jokes with my lips firmly sealed
→ ed78617: None of these is funny.  They are all rubbish!
推 GreenMay22: 吸管翻譯
噓 bill890528: 不要逼學店，雙子一條心
→ Straw14: 靠北 樓上兩個都雙子
→ Straw14: 沒差 唐唐說你們這禮拜很有可能出車禍喔