Autopainophile (2023)
Joshua Jennifer Espinoza
My favorite thing is slowly pulling
into my parking spot at home
just as the song I’ve been feeling
things to finally ends.
All these movie moments and
hand cutting wind in half dreams
come for me as if
sent by some light that wants
to watch me survive.
In the movies people like me
don’t survive and it’s the same
in real life so I make my own
movies in my head and I last
to the end and I am not
happy even in my own
fantasy but I am strong.
I am holding the camera and
pointing it at myself so I am
trapped in my own gaze
which is fine
which feels great
which is like the taste of my
own blood
which is great.
I wish I loved my body the
way you say I love my body and
I wish the sun would stay just
below the horizon forever.
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